The drama in my outer circle of married friends...

[ThumbingMyWay]

so….I knew I couldn’t stay away too long….LS addiction takes over….

 

 

 

so anyhoo…

 

Just a little gossip (yes I know…I shouldn’t gossip) about the drama in my “outer” circle of friends….I say outer rather than inner…because a few years ago, my wife and I started to distance ourselves from them and there behaviour since we were trying to fix our marriage and we both agreed that this group was not condusive with the goal we are trying to reach.

 

so….out of the 5 married couple we used to hang with over the last 6 years…

 

Couple #1 is still married and have a good relationship. We still hang with them at times, simple because they actual do things together as couples…..which is what we want in friends.

 

Couple # 2 is divorced

 

Couple # 3 is divorced

 

Couple #4 was on verge of divorce….but have enter MC and are in recovery.

 

Couple # 5…I just found out is divorcing too…..

 

out of all of them....except #1...the wife cheated....

 

 

Heres the kicker….get this….the husband from divorced couple # 2 is now dating the recently divorced wife from couple #5…talk about keeping it in the family…dammm…that has got to be awkward since the wife #5 and wife #2 are friends and hang out quite often. I guess the wife#2 just found out they were dating the other day….and she made the comment to my wife last night…”no, I am OK with it…that’s fine…but if it affects ME, then its over”. HAHAHAH…my wife fired back at her…”wait a minute…YOU’RE the one who chose to cheat and leave your husband…now you think you can control who he dates?”. She didn’t have a comeback to that one….

 

The problem with these couples a few years back was IMO…mainly the wives. It was a solid 5 years…were it was ALWAYS…the women going out….husband hardly ever invited…..this group of wives made a name for themselves around town. My wife included in the early years. But after her affair confession, we both knew we couldn’t hang with these people anymore….the environment they make around themselves was caustic and toxic to married couples who want to stay married…..again…MHO….

 

So….since 1999 or 2000….over 6 years of this ongoing drama….the show has finally ended for some…..3 out of 5….and if you include my M…3 out of 6 marriages are ending in divorce….so I guess the 50% divorce rate is right on trend…..

 

sad….

[SoCalCatman72]

wife#2 just found out they were dating the other day….and she made the comment to my wife last night…”no, I am OK with it…that’s fine…but if it affects ME, then its over”.

 

Smack this control freak upside the head for me...................thanks

 

I'm in a wierd mood today.

[basscatcher]

wow

sounds a bit like my old circle.

I mentioned about this in another thread. (don't know were to dig it up.)

 

I know if I finally settle in a relationship that I want to be secure I will HAVE to make huge changes in my patterns in order for a relationship to survive.

 

The clubbing will have to come to a minimal. If my weekend/clubbing freinds want to spend time with me (provided our friendships are close enough) they will have to understand my change in direction and come to my side of the fence from time to time.

 

I will want to stay lower in the social realm just because there is too much temptation and distractions out in that playground. I don't want to lose my focus on my man by some pretty boy walking by flirting with me or swooning me as my man is in the bathroom.

The temptation is just not worth it.

 

Single life is fun but its lonely, unstable and can be uncomfortable..

 

I too would distance myself from those whom would/could drag me or my relatioship down into rocky territory..

[ThumbingMyWay]

Smack this control freak upside the head for me...................thanks

 

I'm in a wierd mood today.

 

 

:laugh:

 

I wish I could. I really dont care for her....she is deceptive and controling in all her relationships. I saw this coming a few years ago...in fact, I even told my wife they would be divorced in a few years....and looky there....

 

I am still friends and hang out with her husband. I told him the other day...that I dont like what his wife did to him. He said he is past his anger and didnt want anyone to hate her. I told him....I still think its BS...and that I would be angry for him...hahaha But I also told him, alot of my anger towards his wife was really projection of my anger towards my wife....

 

The other thing is....last friday night when my wife and I were out, and husband #2 (my friend still) and some other people were out. Someone said something about wife#5 and him being together....he flat out denied it. Then my wife asked him point blank...and he said there was nothing going on...

 

so...now I got that to deal wiht. He lied right to us...maybe to save face...I dunno. But he did make the comment that he admired my wife and I's decision to make things right and stay together....which I appreciated....i still dont know why he couldnt just admit the truth when asked....maybe he felt bad or awkward....I dunno...

[ThumbingMyWay]

I will want to stay lower in the social realm just because there is too much temptation and distractions out in that playground. I don't want to lose my focus on my man by some pretty boy walking by flirting with me or swooning me as my man is in the bathroom.

The temptation is just not worth it.

 

that is exactly what happen in this group. They distanced themselves from there marriage relationship to seek more "ME" time with the girls...and it just snow balled from there.....albeit, us husbands should have stepped up to the plate and put a foot down....but we didnt...none of us did....we just let them (wives) go out...and out...and out....and look were it got us.

 

not to mention all of us....were married over 10 years and all in mid to late 30's in age with 2 plus kids each..all under 10 years.

 

So....get married....have a couple kids....lose sight of family and marriage relationship.....get antsy for freedom and ME time....go out and out and out...and BAM...tempation gets you...and you lose everything you had....all for a little cake....

[basscatcher]

that is exactly what happen in this group. They distanced themselves from there marriage relationship to seek more "ME" time with the girls...and it just snow balled from there.....albeit, us husbands should have stepped up to the plate and put a foot down....but we didnt...none of us did....we just let them (wives) go out...and out...and out....and look were it got us.

 

not to mention all of us....were married over 10 years and all in mid to late 30's in age with 2 plus kids each..all under 10 years.

 

So....get married....have a couple kids....lose sight of family and marriage relationship.....get antsy for freedom and ME time....go out and out and out...and BAM...tempation gets you...and you lose everything you had....all for a little cake....

 

The thing about stopping the wives from going out is they would have rebeled and you would have ended up with a different kind of problem which most likely would have ended up with things ending similiar to what is happening now.

 

When I felt like going out its because my husband or mate wasn't being spontanious enough. We both weren't giving the right attention to each other to keep us close. We started to get bla with each other and our lives started to become routine and boring.

 

Spouses can spice things up if they tried.

Discover excitement together and I don't mean sexually.

You find things to have fun doing with your other friends where you can laugh and joke around. you can do the same with your partner if you put the effort into it.

 

I've learned a few things along the way in the past 20 years concerning myself, relationships especially more respect for my partner.

 

This is why I know now that I need to lay lower when Im in a serious relationship. and to keep things interesting or the negative motion could seep in...

 

If I can find interest in my friends and keep things entertaining for them like they do me to maintain our friendships then my partner and I need and can do the same things for and with one another.

It just takes a bit more work because we spend more time together.

[blind_otter]

thanks for the gossip, TMW.

[alphamale]

The problem with these couples a few years back was IMO…mainly the wives. ….

American women are generally worthless tramps...if you want a decent wife you have to get one from another country/culture.

[Rooster_DAR]

The problem with these couples a few years back was IMO…mainly the wives. It was a solid 5 years…were it was ALWAYS…the women going out….husband hardly ever invited

 

One can't help to notice the common denominator here.

[bab]

American women are generally worthless tramps...if you want a decent wife you have to get one from another country/culture.

 

I don't think I'd go quite that far!

[alphamale]

I don't think I'd go quite that far!

I stand behind my comments. Many of the really worthwhile women I've met were not born and raised in the US.

[johan]

That's a myth. I've known guys who thought this who were wrung out by women from other countries, in much the same way American women might. I'm speaking of women from Bangladesh, Russia, Slovenia, Turkey and Croatia. Also an Mexican-American woman. None were mail-order brides. All the American women in my family are great women. All of the successful relationships I can think of include American women.

 

Women are women. It doesn't matter where they were born. But I will say that women in America tend to have more options and are therefore more likely to back out on commitments. If you want a lifetime relationship, move somewhere where women are more dependent.

[Rooster_DAR]

If you want a lifetime relationship, move somewhere where women are more dependent.

 

Like a retirement home.

[whichwayisup]

so….I knew I couldn’t stay away too long….LS addiction takes over….

Don't worry, you're not alone on that one...

[catgirl1927]

Like a retirement home.

 

:lmao:

[alphamale]

That's a myth.

No its not...a few years ago a worldwide study was done asking people of all different nations who they would and wouldn't want to marry. Both American males and American females were at the very bottom of the list.

[Rooster_DAR]

No its not...a few years ago a worldwide study was done asking people of all different nations who they would and wouldn't want to marry. Both American males and American females were at the very bottom of the list.

 

Somehow I'm not suprised by this.

[johan]

No its not...a few years ago a worldwide study was done asking people of all different nations who they would and wouldn't want to marry. Both American males and American females were at the very bottom of the list.

 

You made this up. No study like this was ever done.

[whichwayisup]

*gets a bag of chips out and waits for the debate to start...*

[alphamale]

You made this up. No study like this was ever done.

I did not make it up. It was done 4 or 5 yrs ago and pretty much kept quiet in the mainstream US media.

[johan]

I did not make it up. It was done 4 or 5 yrs ago and pretty much kept quiet in the mainstream US media.

 

I know of two studies that produced exactly the opposite conclusion. So I win.

[alphamale]

I know of two studies that produced exactly the opposite conclusion. So I win.

those two "studies" must come from the same place where you learned women prefer red-headed men.

[johan]

Come on, Alpha. You should expect the "mainstream" wouldn't have much to do with any "study" that you pull out of your ass. There's only one stream where that one is going to get much coverage.

[magichands]

Alpha's right...I remember reading about that study on some urban legends website. So it must be true. I think the data came from hotornot.com - which leaves no room for suggestions of statistical bias.

[burning 4 revenge]

I think there is something to what Alpha is saying. Our culture simply isn't conducive to monagymy. There is a constant objectification of both sexes and a very high premium put on having a good time.