9dee9 Posted October 4, 2006 Posted October 4, 2006 This sounds kinda stupid, but I dont know if i have ever really been in love. How do you know if someone really loves you or if there staying with you out of habit or if maybe thats what your doing yourself?? **** im so confused. I just dont understand the saying I love you im just not in love with you wtf is that all about. Or is it possible to be in Love but just not feel those feelings because there so far burried under a bunch of crap that has never been delt with.....does that even make sense??
Spiderman Posted October 4, 2006 Posted October 4, 2006 I'd say love is an effervescent feeling that seems to escape definition. You'll never be able to define love by looking it up in a dictionary. It's quite a strong feeling of affection which cannot easily be described for it is a mix of emotions, people can love and be loved in totally different ways. I'd say there is a distinct difference between being "in" love and loving someone. The basis for all love is respect, esteem and admiration. Respect must be present in order for love to germinate and grow. A person cannot love someone who they disrespect, hate or loathe. Talking from experience, I'd say young people tend to confuse love with infatuation. I'd say I'm "in" love with my SO
COGuyFromNY Posted October 4, 2006 Posted October 4, 2006 I have to agree with Spiderman. Webster's can't really define it. It's different for everyone. For me, it "was" the butterflies everytime I saw, heard, smelled or even thought about her. It was the anticipation of seeing her again. When someone consumes your thoughts day and night and you can't get them out of your head, to me, that's when you're "IN" love with them. That's my $0.02 anyway...
basscatcher Posted October 4, 2006 Posted October 4, 2006 Do a search "what is love?" and look up the definition in the Wikipedia (sp?). It covers a variety of perceptions about it.
Moai Posted October 4, 2006 Posted October 4, 2006 Love is confusing not only because there are so many other "sub-eomtions" that go along with it, there are also many definitions and uses of it. When someone says that they love to drive, the word is the same, but the meaning is different from "I love her." And even then, I love my sister, but that isn't the same as "I love my wife." The "I love you but I am not in love with you" thing is a copout, I think. It is a way of saying, "Hey, you're cool and no hard feelings, but I am not going to have sex with you, or develop real and lasting intimacy with you. I really want to date Brad, because he's dreamy." In some ways I don't think that love exists. The way humans respond to rejection, challenge and all the crap that goes into the mating dance is "love", I guess, but it all seems so stupid. If a girl knows how much you like her, she'll drop you in a second. If a guy knows how much you like him, he'll sleep with you as long as you'll let him and then drop you when someone better comes along. Sound familiar? Why is it that in order to be successful you have to mask your true feelings and intentions? Why are humans made up that way psychologically? I have no idea, but I for one am sick of it. Why do women pursue men who mistreat them? Why do men pine over women who are not attracted to them? If you ask, they'll say it's because they "love" the other person, but in reality it is because they are responding to psychological cues and the chase. When the chase is over, the feeling fades, and it is off to the next challenge. Of course, there are people who truly "love" someone else, forsaking all others, but that is extrordinarily rare, I think. Just look at the threads on this site! People are running around trying to pursue an ideal that doesn't exist in reality. Beauty fades, emotions change, and flaws magnify. An emotionally stable person knows this and looks forward to the changes as part of life's journey with another person, but in my experience there aren't a lot of emotionally stable people (I'm probably not one, either). 'If you want that girl, you have to be a challenge. Don't be so available." "If you want that guy to dig you, play hard to get." And on and on and on. The sad thing is, it works. The people who seem to get all the girls (or men) are the people who do these things naturally. I think that it is a myth that you can learn these behaviors and be more successful in dating. The self-help book industry makes billions on the idea that you can, though. I have come to the realization that love is not for everyone. The idea that everyone out there has a soulmate is a pleasant idea and sure makes it easier to make it through those lonely nights, I guess, but I don't think that it is true. Just like some people can run fast, some people are smarter than others, or whatever, there are some people who can attract mates and some who can't. Biology says that not all organisms will reproduce. The fittest will, but the marginal will not. That is the way of things. The fittest are those who are emotionally aloof and fit whatever look is socially popular at any given moment. If that's not you, too bad. I didn't mean to hijack this thread, if I did, but I just think that "love" is the word we use to describe the feelings associated with perpetuating our species. The word is also used so flippantly that it has begun to lose its meaning. And I'm not bitter.
luvstarved Posted October 4, 2006 Posted October 4, 2006 Well I always considered myself something of a cynic but not as much as Maoi! The thing I think is that, when people say they are "in love", they generally ARE referring to that initial excitement. That excitement does not stay at the same intensity level, but I like to think of it as "mellowing" rather than "fading" in the case of "true love". I also firmly believe that it takes two people of a certain emotional maturity level to have that sort of lifetime sense of being in love. Maybe it does take getting to a certain age, or going through a number of relationships to get to this point, but I truly believe it is possible. At some point, if you are growing as a person, you will begin to realize that there is no greener grass and that eventually an ongoing series of infatuations is not as satisfying as a deep intimate and exclusive relationship with one other human being. It takes an ENORMOUS amount of emotional maturity to actually make it happen, but I do think that most people eventually do WANT it. I know that in the past that when the going got rough and difficulties abounded, even just simple boredom, my decision was to just get the hell out and move on, life is too short and all of that. But then I realized that I was never getting the depth of relationship that I actually WANTED. I am coming up on 10th anniversary and even though my H and I definitely have our problems, I think we both are very motivated to stay together for life and to work together to get to where we want to be. I want a deeper relationship with HIM, not another superficial situation with the latest shiny thing. Even that process becomes boring eventually. Here we go again and all that.
Spiderman Posted October 5, 2006 Posted October 5, 2006 Do a search "what is love?" and look up the definition in the Wikipedia (sp?). It covers a variety of perceptions about it. I agree, a great source. I did actually quote a few good lines that I felt relevant.
littlekitty Posted October 5, 2006 Posted October 5, 2006 How do you know if someone really loves you or if there staying with you out of habit or if maybe thats what your doing yourself?? I would think you could pick it up in their actions, affection, treatment, eyes....? When staying out of habit, I would image the affection reduces, no long stares in eyes conveying love. My personal belief is you know in your heart when you are in love and when you are just staying because it's easier. You just have to be honest enough to admit it to yourself. Something I heard recently: 'You don't marry the person you can live with, you marry the person you can't live without.' I like that. It made sense to me. I can't imagine my life being complete without my SO by side, holding my hand every step of the way. He's my best friend, my lover and my soul mate. I just dont understand the saying I love you im just not in love with you wtf is that all about. My perception of this has always been (when it's not a complete cop out) that they are trying to say that they love you in the sense that you love your family, or close friends, but they no longer feel that passionate, romantic love towards you that distinguishes you as their life partner. Every persons experience of love is no doubt different. Some of feel it is one thing, other another. But I believe you know when you are loved and in love with the right person.
Guest Posted October 5, 2006 Posted October 5, 2006 Love is patient, Love is kind, It does not envy, it does not boast, It is not proud, It is not rude, It is not self-seeking, It is not easily angered, It keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. L o v e N e v e r F a i l s. Corinthians 13 : 4 - 8
Tulie Posted October 6, 2006 Posted October 6, 2006 Romantic love, I think is far rarer then people think. I don't know that it would be the same for everyone. For me it's a million things. I have been with my H for 10 years and after all that time nothing has changed with us. We fall asleep and wake up snuggled together. It's the way he cooks on his days off. It's the way my stomach knots when he is due to come home. It's the fact that when we built our new place we included a huge soaker tub for late night candlelight baths which we still partake in about 3 nights a week. It's the way we take 1 night a week to do something without the kids. If we can afford dinner we do that, if not we take long walks in a woodsy area close by. It's in the way we make love or sometimes in the way we don't. When we plan it but then end up cuddling in bed and chatting until it's far too late. It's the way he holds me and touches my face and tells me he loves me before he goes to work each day and the way he hugs me when he gets home as if he has starved for me all day. We are like every couple and we have ups and downs but each time we have a down we come out even stronger then we were before. Closer. I find it interesting to note most people hit the height of their relationship right around thier wedding but for us we have come so far since then.
reneet Posted October 6, 2006 Posted October 6, 2006 So, He says I am in love with you Then says I love my wife & insists the two are different. In Love & Loving someone or something. I'm having a hard time figuring this out here. Please advise.
stoopid_guy Posted October 6, 2006 Posted October 6, 2006 So, He says I am in love with you Then says I love my wife & insists the two are different. In Love & Loving someone or something. I'm having a hard time figuring this out here. Please advise. As Moai said, there are many different uses of the word. In this case, I'd say what he wants you to believe is that he's "in love" with you, there's romance there. He "loves" his wife, he cares about her. You can "love" many people/things, but that's not the same as having romantic feelings toward them. You can love a pet, you care about it, you want it to be happy, you're happy when it's around, but you don't have romantic feelings toward it (not if you're normal.) You probably love your kids, you probably love your parents.
reneet Posted October 6, 2006 Posted October 6, 2006 As Moai said, there are many different uses of the word. In this case, I'd say what he wants you to believe is that he's "in love" with you, there's romance there. He "loves" his wife, he cares about her. You can "love" many people/things, but that's not the same as having romantic feelings toward them. You can love a pet, you care about it, you want it to be happy, you're happy when it's around, but you don't have romantic feelings toward it (not if you're normal.) You probably love your kids, you probably love your parents. Thank you!!
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