Teacher's Pet Posted October 4, 2006 Posted October 4, 2006 I don't know what it is, but the last week or so, I've really started getting depressed again over my ex. It's nothing like it was a couple of months ago, but the lonely/angry/frustrated/confused feelings have started to creep up again inside me. It's just so weird. I've had NC with B for over 3 months now, I haven't even SEEN her since the day we broke up, but now I'm missing her again..... I've been very social lately.... I've been going out, meeting new people, working out, having fun (you've all been reading about my "adventures" on here!).....but when I come home from a night of drinking, partying, and whatever..... I get in my bed and wish she was there with me. No matter what I do, those thoughts come back to haunt me. I've "replayed" the last 48 hours of our relationship in my head over and over to see "what I might have done wrong", and even though I really didn't DO anything wrong, sometimes the "what if?" game starts in my head, and I hate it. I just don't understand why, after weeks of actually meeting people and having fun, that I'm feeling like this all over again. The only upside to all of this is that when I'm at the gym, and I'm really pushing the limits of my body, I think about her, and how much she hurt me, and it drives me to work harder. That much, I'll accept as a good thing. I've gone from doing a 155lb Seated Leg Press to 215lbs in just a couple of weeks. I'm like, strong and stuff now. But still..... sleeping alone after almost 7 months of beautiful, INCREDIBLE lovemaking (we're talking the stuff porn is made from!) 5-6 nights a week STILL hurts.....especially knowing there is someone else enjoying it in my place, and I have nothing but memories, a couple of trinkets, and my cats to comfort me..... I KNOW there's someone else for me. I'm not going to sit here and say "I'll never love again." I know that's not true. But right now, I have ZERO prospects, and frankly, deep down..... .....I'm still in love with someone who doesn't love me back. I need to be held. Well, I need a little more than that, but I'll take some hugs from my friends for now. -tp gives good hug
KittenMoon Posted October 4, 2006 Posted October 4, 2006 It comes and goes... and comes and goes. Nearly 8 months now for me and the odd vivid memory still surfaces about a smile, or the feel of hands, or his scent. You'll notice that even as these things surface, others begin to fade. Just keep going, wait it all out. There's nothing wrong with taking time to deal with something as traumatic as a break up, even if it takes a long time.
BannaBee57 Posted October 4, 2006 Posted October 4, 2006 You know TP, I've read all your posts. You are about a month ahead of me in the recovery process and it seems as though you have made a lot of progress. I've been modeling myself after you a bit and am trying to get out more, have fun with friends, and flirt a little too. I just wanted to tell you that I know how you feel with the relapse thing. I was doing really well (or so I thought) for the past two weeks but am starting to feel that familiar ache coming back again. I've decided that this is because I am finally getting over him and it's like my heart is so used to the pain it doesn't want to let go (if that makes sense at all). I've been in NC for almost a month and as my friend said "It's like I diet. You'll have good days and bad days. And it's going to take a while to remove what you put on." What has helped me more than I thought it would is my plan to go back to school in January to get my degree. I'm so excited at the prospect of meeting new people (especailly guys) and finally getting done with school! I've also been hitting the gym like you and hope to drop a few of those "relationship pounds" that I gained over the past 2 years with him. I know the pain will come and go but keep posting because there are people like me out there who love hearing from you! ~Breanna
Art_Critic Posted October 4, 2006 Posted October 4, 2006 I've "replayed" the last 48 hours of our relationship in my head over and over to see "what I might have done wrong"' date=' and [/quote'] Man.. I've been there.... I really don't have any advice per say but I know what you are putting yourself thru... You will get thru it.. Try and remember that it is their loss because you are a great guy and haven't thrown anything away.. they have..
Art_Critic Posted October 4, 2006 Posted October 4, 2006 .....I'm still in love with someone who doesn't love me back. I know this feeling well too .. keep your chin up.. In the AA we say " keep coming back " to the newcomers to impress upon them the need to express themselves around people like themselves Well keep coming back here and you will get over her.... It truly is her loss.. you sound like a great guy
AriaIncognito Posted October 4, 2006 Posted October 4, 2006 Being someone who has had the priviledge of meeting tp (ok i'll use lower case too for ya lol) in person I can vouch for the "great person" or "great guy" and "it's her loss" because quite frankly, it is. In the general sense, it's all of our exes' losses to let us go for whatever their reasons were. And it sucks because we are left with the wondering and the sadness and the inexplicable pain. I can sympathize with tp because I've been in this spot more times than i care to have been. And anticipate being there again (if i'm not already considered there which i very well could be given all things). We beat ourselves up, wondering what it is we could have done differently. If i had only just bought her flowers one day. If i had only listened to him that one night instead of wanting to watch the television. If i had only held her hand or told her she was beautiful more often. It's easy to play all the what ifs and frankly kills a little bit inside when we do. It sucks. It hurts. However in time, it does occur less and less. It's just a terribly sucky process. The only thing you are to be quilty for, is for allowing another person to have your heart. And personally, I would never consider that a bad thing. You have the ability to love. Some people, including some of our exes i'm sure, don't have that ability and they run from it. I believe that is what I'm currently facing. It's oh so hard to know that it's nothing you've done, and that you couldn't have possibly changed the outcome, because we want so desperately to fix the wrong our hearts are feeling. I'm rambling. However what i do know, is that you're right, you will love again. Maybe not as soon as you want, but it will happen. Keep doing exactly what you've been doing. You've been a good role model to many people here on LS and will continue to be in months to come as you get stronger. We've all got to try to believe that all these relationships that don't work, are leading up to one tremendous payoff. Please God, let that be. Jennifer
loveinlife Posted October 4, 2006 Posted October 4, 2006 Hey TP, I noticed that myself too. Its like a tape that plays over and over again. I just think the solution is to replace the tape with more positive and confident thoughts. Trying to train the mind to think better by replacing the non helpful ones. Its sorta like an obsession, if we keep on thinking about it the more it'll come up. Thus we are creating more nuerons and connections to develop a brain to think this way which equal to more depression. Where as if we try to think more happily, perhaps in our mind, the tape is replaced. Just my thought and things that I have learned from biology and psychology in college. I am no scientist. I am on the same track as you.
Author Teacher's Pet Posted October 5, 2006 Author Posted October 5, 2006 There's nothing wrong with taking time to deal with something as traumatic as a break up, even if it takes a long time. I know... I guess the weird thing is that I was with someone for 5 1/2 years (compared to 6 1/2 months with this ex), lost a child with her, almost DIED with her (we barely avoided a tragic accident that would have EASILY killed us both), faced down the guy who raped her as a teenager (if she didn't beg me not to, I was very close to assaulting him, WITH a weapon), held her hand through therapy to deal with her sexual assault (including "waiting" until she felt comfortable having sex with me)......and getting over HER was a LOT easier than getting over B is. B was 6 1/2 months of romantic dining (including cooking for each other), going to sporting events, watching movies, and wild sexual romps....all in all, a much "easier" relationship, yet all the drama I had with H (the other one) was easier to forget...... H was a much better girlfriend to me than B was. H was romantic, loving, thoughtful, and really went out of her way to make me happy...it was a few bad circumstances and a lack of communication following a tragedy that split us up...... B was romantic WHEN SHE WANTED TO BE, caring for the MOST part, sexually aggressive, but in many ways very conflicted, and emotionally abusive. I would go back to H in a heartbeat, if there was even the slightest chance (no, their isn't)..... Yet I don't really MISS her, except for the occasional "flashback" I get of her. B, the one I should just sweep under the rug, I can't get her out of my head..... I guess a guy can long for the "bad girl" just like a girl can only want "the bad boy", too, huh? -tp good boy likes bad girls very, very bad girls naughty girls "bad girl!" *spank* (sorry, I have to end all my posts with SOMETHING funny)
alphamale Posted October 5, 2006 Posted October 5, 2006 I don't know what it is, but the last week or so, I've really started getting depressed again over my ex. It's nothing like it was a couple of months ago, but the lonely/angry/frustrated/confused feelings have started to creep up again inside me. this too shall pass... and I have nothing but memories, a couple of trinkets, and my cats to comfort me..... I generally recommend that men don't keep felines as pets...but whatever.
Author Teacher's Pet Posted October 5, 2006 Author Posted October 5, 2006 You know TP, I've read all your posts. You are about a month ahead of me in the recovery process I'm not sure if there's such a thing as being "ahead" or "behind" in recovery.....it's just as easy for a recovering alcoholic to "slip" 5 weeks into recovery as they can 5 years down the line..... You just take it one day at a time. it seems as though you have made a lot of progress. To an extent, yes I have. I remembered what it was like to really have FUN again. I'm back to partying, going out, and meeting people. Basically, I'm a 35 year old frat-boy. And I kinda like it. I've been modeling myself after you a bit So you dropped out of college to become a standup comic who didn't get his first paying gig for 6 years and still gets the occaisional "You can't be that funny, I've never heard of you!".....and then you slept with your best friend's boss? lol and am trying to get out more, have fun with friends, and flirt a little too. Now yer talkin'! I've been in NC for almost a month and as my friend said "It's like I diet. You'll have good days and bad days. And it's going to take a while to remove what you put on." A while? I'm still working off the cake from my Bar Mitzvah. That was during the Los Angeles Olympics, as a point of reference. What has helped me more than I thought it would is my plan to go back to school in January to get my degree. I'm so excited at the prospect of meeting new people (especailly guys) Did I mention I was in a frat? Wanna come to my next kegger? :) I've also been hitting the gym like you and hope to drop a few of those "relationship pounds" I lost about 150lbs in June. Now she's someone else's "love handle" I know the pain will come and go but keep posting because there are people like me out there who love hearing from you! You just made my day. My whole freaking day. I mean that. All I ever asked of B was to feel appreciated. I feel more appreciated by you guys, than I EVER did by my ex. And she put out! A lot! ~Breanna There IS hope for the first initial "B", after all. Thanks, sweetie. I really do appreciate your kind words. Things like that really do renew my faith in myself. :) -tp unappreciated booty call
Author Teacher's Pet Posted October 5, 2006 Author Posted October 5, 2006 Well keep coming back here and you will get over her.... How can I stop coming back here? It's like logging on to love. Thank you so much for your words of encouragement....... I'm like, ferchlempt and stuff! -tp ferchlempt and stuff
Author Teacher's Pet Posted October 5, 2006 Author Posted October 5, 2006 Being someone who has had the priviledge of meeting tp (ok i'll use lower case too for ya lol) in person I can vouch for the "great person" or "great guy" and "it's her loss" because quite frankly, it is. Oh, go on!!! But trust me, meeting someone as wondeful as YOU was truly the priviledge, my beloved FW. In the general sense, it's all of our exes' losses to let us go for whatever their reasons were. That's for sure. Where is B gonna find someone who let's her umm...indulge herself like I did? I'm a freak! :) :) I can sympathize with tp because I've been in this spot more times than i care to have been. And anticipate being there again (if i'm not already considered there which i very well could be given all things). And guess what....you can anticipate ME being there for you they way you have been for me. xoxoxo We beat ourselves up, wondering what it is we could have done differently. If i had only just bought her flowers one day. If i had only listened to him that one night instead of wanting to watch the television. .....if I had only ignored the text message that basically BEGAN our relationship...I wouldn't have had to receive the one that ended it..... I went from "I can't believe you let a bored, horny girl slip through your fingers" to ".......i really want to see other people right now" in 6 1/2 months. The only thing you are to be quilty for, is for allowing another person to have your heart. And personally, I would never consider that a bad thing. You have the ability to love. Some people, including some of our exes i'm sure, don't have that ability and they run from it. I believe that is what I'm currently facing. It's oh so hard to know that it's nothing you've done, and that you couldn't have possibly changed the outcome, because we want so desperately to fix the wrong our hearts are feeling. Sometimes, no matter what we do, our hearts are sent on a "downward spiral" that we can't recover from.... just tuck your head into your chest, and roll..... You've been a good role model to many people here on LS and will continue to be in months to come as you get stronger. I'll say it again. I don't know how much of a "role model" I am. I just try to appreciate each day as it comes, try to be the best person I can, and just stay out of trouble while I sort myself out..... but since I'm a role model...umm.. "Stay In School" "There Is No Hope In Dope!" uhh...... "Not Until Marriage!" Yuck. 0 for 3. lol We've all got to try to believe that all these relationships that don't work, are leading up to one tremendous payoff. Kind of like a slot machine. If I keep pulling, eventually something will come of it. Ooooh. Innuendo! SERIOUSLY...... Thank you so much, Jenn..... You and the others here are amazing. I had a decent day today, but now, I really feel GREAT. You guys really know how to rally around someone who needs support. I just hope I can return the favor for you guys....anytime it's needed. And on a personal note... Jenn..... Remember what you said to me last night? What you said "you weren't"? You are so wrong. You are just what I said you are. And so much more. -tp basking in the light of friendship
fireflywy Posted October 5, 2006 Posted October 5, 2006 I know how you feel. I had a dream of my ex last night. I think it's because I saw a woman who reminded me of her( extremely attractive) and it snuck into my subconcious. Needless to say it sucked...
Author Teacher's Pet Posted October 5, 2006 Author Posted October 5, 2006 Its like a tape that plays over and over again. Eventually, tapes wear out and get discarded. Thankfully, my relationship with B was analog, and not digital. Whatever the hell that's supposed to mean. Analog. giggity giggity! Just my thought and things that I have learned from biology and psychology in college. I am no scientist. All I ever learned in biology is that chicks freak when you fling a dead frog at them. And once again, thank you. -tp analog kid digital man hated biology hates icky things
Author Teacher's Pet Posted October 5, 2006 Author Posted October 5, 2006 I generally recommend that men don't keep felines as pets...but whatever. I LOVE my babies! (That's Pikachu as my avatar...isn't she adorable? Chunky and sweet, like her daddy!) -tp chunky sweet can be made to purr if stroked properly
alphamale Posted October 5, 2006 Posted October 5, 2006 I LOVE my babies! (That's Pikachu as my avatar...isn't she adorable? Chunky and sweet' date=' like her daddy!)[/quote']
Divine Posted October 5, 2006 Posted October 5, 2006 TP, Been 4 months for me, not getting any better, been partying every week with my girlfriends, thinking this would help NOTTT!!!!, when i get home to that hugh super king size bed, and no man, and all liquored up, its not a good picture i can tell ya. MMM, maybe i should get myself a vibrator being lonley sucks!!!!
loveinlife Posted October 5, 2006 Posted October 5, 2006 TP, Been 4 months for me, not getting any better, been partying every week with my girlfriends, thinking this would help NOTTT!!!!, when i get home to that hugh super king size bed, and no man, and all liquored up, its not a good picture i can tell ya. MMM, maybe i should get myself a vibrator being lonley sucks!!!! Same here Divine, party every weekend. Get buzzed with alcohol and come back without anyone in bed. Have thoughts of male sex toys but, nah, even rejected a few female offers but declined bc I am still partially in love with my ex. Being lonely does suck, but we need to learn how to take care of ourselves. I am learning bit by bit and everyday seems a little easier. For me its been a year. Sometimes I wish my ex and I aren't friends, it really makes it tough. Update on my ex, saw her last Sat holding hands and kissing with another guy. Yesterday she messaged me saying that person is not her friend anymore and she told me she was drunk. Life is a journey, I am learning how to make peace with myself.
Author Teacher's Pet Posted October 6, 2006 Author Posted October 6, 2006 Been 4 months for me, not getting any better, been partying every week with my girlfriends, thinking this would help NOTTT!!!!, when i get home to that hugh super king size bed, and no man, and all liquored up, its not a good picture i can tell ya. MMM, maybe i should get myself a vibrator being lonley sucks!!!! Want my advice? Take I-10 to I-15 North to I-40 East to I-44 East to I-70 East to I-76 East to I-81 North to I-78 East to the New Jersey Turnpike North to Exit 16E (Rt 3 East)... Take Rt 3 to the North Bergen Exit, and make a left on Rt 1/9 North...... I'll stop there, that puts you about 3 miles from my apartment. Maybe that'll kill 2 birds with one stone, eh Divine? You and me, kiddo. -tp Hungry Like The Wolf Horny Like The Goat
Author Teacher's Pet Posted October 6, 2006 Author Posted October 6, 2006 Don't roll your eyes at me! Look at her! So precious. -tp insert "pussycat" joke here
D-Lish Posted October 6, 2006 Posted October 6, 2006 Yes Divine!!! Get yourself that vibrator! They rock. It'll take the lonlieness away for a good hmmm, say 20 minutes. D
Author Teacher's Pet Posted October 6, 2006 Author Posted October 6, 2006 Yes Divine!!! Get yourself that vibrator! They rock. It'll take the lonlieness away for a good hmmm, say 20 minutes. D Unlike getting yourself a Teacher's Pet, which will carry you through the next commercial break during Family Guy... giggity. -tp short, but to the point
Divine Posted October 6, 2006 Posted October 6, 2006 TP, you crack me up, i love a guy that can make me laugh Hint! Hint! im getting my flirt on
Author Teacher's Pet Posted October 7, 2006 Author Posted October 7, 2006 TP, you crack me up, i love a guy that can make me laugh Hint! Hint! im getting my flirt on Every woman says they want a guy that can make them laugh, so why do women get mad at me in an elevator when I push them against the wall and tickle them? Did I mention I'm a comedian? *wink wink* -tp proving, beyond a shadow of a doubt, why he's single still cute though (thanks to Jim Norton for the joke, by the way)
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