9dee9 Posted October 4, 2006 Posted October 4, 2006 I have been in this relationship now for 7 years, with 2 breakups in the past. We do not live together any more but are still a couple. We have one child. Our last breakup went through the courts which ended with joint custody myslef being primary care giver. He was ordered to pay maintanance. Shortly after we decided to try again. He was never keen on having to pay, he feels shes with him half the time so why should he. Well I caved and came to a compromise of sorts. I offerered to drop the monthly payments and if i needed money i would ask for it if not i would'nt. This was all fine and dandy in the beginning he had no problem dishing out money for groceries or clothing or whatever, but it just stopped. Now if I tell him im a little short and ask if he could possibly help me out he gets all bent out of shape. Im very upset about the whole thing am kicking myself for being so stupid, I was only trying to be fair about the whole thing realizing that he might not always have the full amount, but now I have lost all respect for him. I think he is being very selfish. I want to end it i think but im afraid for some reason i cant quite put my finger on why im so scared to call it quits he really does'nt do anything for me. Im just feeling very alone right now. Thanks for letting me vent.
Annacabana Posted October 5, 2006 Posted October 5, 2006 I think you should have him pay the full amount of support. It is a court order, it is for your daughter, your feelings about it have shouldn't have anything to do about it. It isn't your fault that he doesn't have the money. If he isn't getting it with his current full time job, he can pick up a part time job on the side. I'm sorry you are feeling lonely, maybe you should call it quits with him, take a break,be on your own for a while. Don't waste your time being unhappy, your whole llife is ahead of you:)
Author 9dee9 Posted October 9, 2006 Author Posted October 9, 2006 I know what you are saying and I totally agree, but I just dont want him to be angry with me, I dont want to fight about it, I just want him to realize that im not wrong or being a "bitch" about the whole thing. This is his child too and he needs to step up and do the right thing. Our relationship is suffering, and I know why, its because i have lost all respect for him. He portrays himself to his family and friends as this great person, and they all buy it, but if they only knew the real story. At times i want to just speak up and say something, but i just cant do it. I dont know wtf is wrong with me, im letting him make me out to look like the bad guy here. I just cant seem to open my mouth not even to him. I try but as soon as I see him getting annoyed i back off. But with every passing day I dislike him more and more. And he just cant seem to figure it out. But sometimes I think what is even worse is im losing respect for myself.
luvstarved Posted October 9, 2006 Posted October 9, 2006 You put this matter to the courts and a decision was rendered and it should abided by. Do you mean that you legally relinquished your rights to this money or that you just haven't been insisting on it? If no legal change was made, then technically he is in arrears and owes you back support. You might not want to play hardball, but FWIW it DOES put you in the cat bird's seat. It sounds like you do have self-respect and esteem issues to be backing off whenever he gets "annoyed", or maybe you just don't know how to handle the confrontation. Either way, he is obviously using this to take advantage of you. Quite successfully. Now it is much easier to tell you to stand up for yourself than to work up the actual nerve to do it, but this will only continue to get worse - this cycle of not getting what you deserve, not being able to stand up for it, while your self-respect decreases and your resentment of him increases. I would suggest that you talk to a counselor who might be able to help you to take steps to work on assertiveness. It might take a while but I do think it has a good chance of success. Going on as you are does not...
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