Skyhook01 Posted October 3, 2006 Posted October 3, 2006 Recently, my fiancee' and mother of my (only children) twins decided to leave me in search for herself. I don't completely understand this concept of searching for one's self when She vowed and professed her love and devotion to me. I've given her everything a woman could want... a car, a house, a puppy, food, clothing, security and most of all my undying loyalty, committment and unconditional love. She know's all of this and knows the risks of leaving all this behind...yet she still left. She told me she loves me but doesnt know who she is and isnt even sure who I am anymore. Well, the fact of the matter is our relationship changed most drastically shortly after the birth of our twins. She lost her appetite for intimacy and I have remained faithful and loyal throughout this experience. I dont shove it in her face or make her feel ashamed of her hormonal changes. I constantly praise her and acknowledge her beauty...inside and outside. Our lives changed somewhat with our new added responsibility but both of us agree that our lives had been blessed with the birth of our twin daughters. I have had to work extra hours to compensate for her lost wages and often times I would be away from home for 18-20 hours at a time. I tried to explain to her that it wasnt something of choice, but responsibility, and the fact is...we needed the $$$. I discovered she had been communicating with ex's and even some new's on line. I questioned her about this and her response to me is that she'd been faithful and loyal. I'm not totally convinced of this...but my love for her precludes me from passing judgement and I'm certainly trusting in her responses to me. This woman is my essence of life and in so many ways completes me. I'm not sure of how to cope with this seperation and the last thing I want to do is alienate her from me. I have turned to God for faith and guidance in our seperation and I constantly pray that ourlives be rejoined, but even more so that God provide each of us with the strength, guidance and faith to do what is best for each of us, where ever we are in our lives. I'm not yet ready to give up on this relationship, but I definetly dont want things to return "as they were". Sometimes life deals us such miserable hands... the answers on how to play out those hands can only be under the direction of our might Lord Jesus! If any of you have experienced anything like this and/or have a positive response which will either reinforce my beliefs or provide some type of reassurance please post within.
Jane Doe Posted October 3, 2006 Posted October 3, 2006 First of all, I'm glad you're turning to God for help. Often times He's the last one we turn to when He should be the first. That being said, I think you need to be cautious and wise here. Trusting in God doesn't mean you should trust in everyone. My guess is that her "finding herself" is nothing more than an excuse to be with another man. When people generally leave to "find themselves" they're not by themselves at all -- they're with another. You need to set your feelings and love for her aside and look at this for what it really is. I'm not saying that's what she's done......only that it certainly appears that way. If this were your best friend, how would you advise him in this situation? Would you tell him to stand by his love for her or would you tell him to investigate this a little further? Be smart.
shawn_68 Posted October 4, 2006 Posted October 4, 2006 I have turned to God for faith and guidance in our seperation and I constantly pray that ourlives be rejoined, but even more so that God provide each of us with the strength, guidance and faith to do what is best for each of us, where ever we are in our lives. Skyhook, As one who shairs your faith, let me just encourage you to continue to seek Him in all things. No matter what happens. This is first and foremost. I do find it curious that she was talking to other men. Maybe her intentions were innocent, but I would be suspicious. Something about all of this just doesn't sit well. At least be prepared that this relationship could be over. When I was going through something similar I picked up a book entitled "Love Must be Tough" by Dr. Dobson. I think it would be helpful to you as well. Whatever you face, we will be here for you. -S
Author Skyhook01 Posted October 4, 2006 Author Posted October 4, 2006 I value your comment highly and appreciate your helpful advise. I'm already aware of the fact that there's another man involved here. That does'nt change my feelings for her at this point. I guess Im being foolish on one hand, but on the other hand I dont feel it's in my heart to give up hope right now. Her being with another man is'nt necessarily the end of us...but perhaps the beginning of her better understanding of us. But then again, perhaps it is the end. It's too early to tell these things, for me anyway. I trust in God's direction and if/when I am to give up this hope and faith in the two of us he will decide and direct me in such a way.
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