Dayzie Posted October 3, 2006 Posted October 3, 2006 First of all I was surprised to actually find a fourm for 'the other woman', surprised but elated! I am the other woman. I have known my now fiance since we were 14 yrs old, we met in school and he fell for me, I liked him but didn't want a boyfriend yada yada yada. He ended up moving out of state to live with his father (parents divorced) whom he never met. We kept in touch for a couple of years after he left but school and life just took over. We lost touch but we still thought of one another. My senior yr of college I got an email from him, he hunted me down online (classmates.com). He was living about 500 miles from me at this point, and he was married (at that point it was about 2.5 yrs) and he had a 2 yr old son. It all started so innocently, we were old friend catching up after so many years. It was nice to have someone not involved in my every day life to talk to, someone I could vent to and know it would never get back to anyone else. His wife flipped out and emailed me telling me she knew he was still in love with me and that if I felt the same way she was going to give him a divorce. I can't begin to tell you how many times she told me she wanted to divorce him b/c he was in love with me. I had a boyfriend at the time so I just told her 'we're friends and that's it, you know we email and you've even read the emails (she had quoted things I had said and things he had said) so you know there is nothing going on'. At that point nothing was going on. Even before he admitted to still loving me, he was telling me how bad things were for him at home. I listened while he vented to me and he listened while i complained about school, my friends, roomies and boyfriend. It was actually almost a year before he finally sent me an email telling me that he was in love with me, even though we hadn't seen each other in almost 10 yrs. He told me he was done with his wife, she was just too much to handle, she never worked a day in her life and was always saying 'if you do this for me, i'll get a job' so needless to say she got a brand new car, three dogs (she didn't like the first two he bought for her). I asked why he did all this for her when she was nothing but a liar (many other things she had lied to him about) and he said it was just easier than listening to her bitch at him. He told me it was over but he had to save up money for a lawyer which I understood. Well, my relationship was over. In all honesty, it was slowly coming to an end before the MM came into my life. i just wasn't happy anymore and he knew it, so we ended it. But it still hurt to let go of something that really was so great, as many of you know. As far as I knew, my new guy was just living his life trying to get things taken care of. Then his wife started feeling sick. I just knew she was pregnant, call it women's intuition. But he insisted that she couldn't be b/c he hadn't slept with her in months. I wanted to believe and part of me did. Well, she was pregnant which is what she wanted and did on purpose, he found her pills that she didn't take but until this day she still says she didn't do it on purpose. Although, a month before she concieved she told his mother they were going to have another baby and his mom just said 'why not worry about the one you have now Jane, he can't support the three of you on what he makes, so get a job'. Love his mom! Anyways, it broke my heart. I felt so betrayed even though I was the other woman. I hope someone else can understand how I felt and where I am coming from. It took a couple of days before I could talk to him but he said that even when she came out of the drs office she said "i'm pregnant, but don't think I'm staying married to you just b/c I'm having your baby", so this is what she wanted as well. Or maybe she was just hoping that he'd turn and say no we can fix it, which I tend to believe. Anyway, a month later he had the money and they went to see a lawyer. They settled on an agreement, she got EVERYTHING and he got the shaft, even when it came to visitation rights. Two months after they signed the papers (seperation) she moved back to her home with her parents. Once I knew she was gone, I moved down to be closer to him but didn't actually live with him for another 6 months. Unfort, even after one year and seven months after they saw a lawyer he is still married, she is being very uncooperative even though her lawyer is telling her what to do, she isn't. But he finally is going to court and it's moving along. I am still hurt and feel so betrayed that he got her pregnant when he did. But we have made it this far and I'm not going to give up, he has proved to me that he loves me and I have never questioned it, even a month after I moved down to be closer to him he showed up for our weekend visit with my name tattod on his left arm (close to his heart). He filed for divorce and is spending too much money on it (why is it so hard to get divorced?) and he has no contact with his ex, other than when she calls to beg for money (she is still not working). We are very happy now but we still have a long road to travel. It is nice to finally be able to tell my story to others. Thanks for listening/reading.
Jane Doe Posted October 3, 2006 Posted October 3, 2006 Yep, I can relate. I had someone tell me how much he loved and adored me, wanted to marry me, wanted to be with me forever and then turned around and suddenly had a baby on the way. I understand your pain. I really don't know how to advise you on this. Just be prepared for a very long road and a lot of trouble from his (ex)wife. It sounds like she's lazy and still depending on him so you may very well have to postpone some of your dreams so that hers and the child's can be funded.
LittleLady Posted October 4, 2006 Posted October 4, 2006 It sounds more to me that he is in love with this fantasy of you. He remembered how you were at 14 years old and this image of a "perfect" woman took over and embellished itself. Do you both REALLY even know eachother? Live with eachother for a few years first and see what happens! Because this guy seems like he can quickly forget his wife and children when things get rocky, so don't expect it to be any different with you when both of your true natures clash in the future.
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