FloridaGuy Posted October 3, 2006 Posted October 3, 2006 I've been in the relationship for a little over 2 years total, but some break up time inbetween. My GF that lived with me has a job that's relocated her 3 times during our relationship. Each time she seems to have found other relationships that she wanted to go after and left me behind. Recently we've seem to have found each other again and seem to have been hitting it off better than ever, but after a month I found out she's met someone and is trying to keep the details from me because "I'll get mad". I am being told she just wants friends and if she is in a relationship with me that she will have to either be at work or at home or I won't be happy. I want her to be happy, but each time she's moved what she thought was started as her having an innocent relationship with another guy turned quickly into more and I was left behind. (happened more than once) Now I'm faced with being the jerk again because there's 1300 miles between me and her and the guy or guys she wants to go out with and I'm supposed to be ok with it. Based on the lack of trust that comes from the other incidents I just can't see it being like she says. Am I the jerk for being jealous ? The fool for falling for it again ? The nice guy for always being there when the other stuff doesn't work our for her ? I'm not sure where to go with this one. Questions ? Advice ? Thanks.
burning 4 revenge Posted October 3, 2006 Posted October 3, 2006 I don't understand. She wants you to be a platonic friend? Or she wants you to be okay with platonic friends who are guys?
sao2 Posted October 3, 2006 Posted October 3, 2006 I was all prepared to tell you that you need to trust, otherwise it won't work. Then I read you post . . . . It sucks for you I can imagine . . I would have a hard time trusting her in this case. But regardless, if you are going to be together than you have to trust her. Otherwise you have to break up with her, not because she has friends, because you don't trust her.
Guest Posted October 3, 2006 Posted October 3, 2006 I don't understand. She wants you to be a platonic friend? Or she wants you to be okay with platonic friends who are guys? She wants me to be ok with her taking on guy friends.
Author FloridaGuy Posted October 3, 2006 Author Posted October 3, 2006 I was all prepared to tell you that you need to trust, otherwise it won't work. Then I read you post . . . . It sucks for you I can imagine . . I would have a hard time trusting her in this case. But regardless, if you are going to be together than you have to trust her. Otherwise you have to break up with her, not because she has friends, because you don't trust her. Yes, I know there needs to be trust or it won't work. I'm just not sure how it's going to be built at the moment. I think if she doesn't understand how the actions before make the current ones look bad then there's not much hope. If she wants to do something and doesn't because of me then that will make her regret being in a relationship with me. If she does do things and tells me after the fact or only when I find out other ways then I will make her crazy because that's not acceptable to me. If she does things without telling me, then it's just a matter of time before it implodes. If she does understand and is willing to work on respecting the situation and learning from the past issues then it could work. I'm hoping for the last one, but the realist in me thinks it's the least likely. Relationships are tough enough, but trust issues along with a bad history and a lot of distance make me think I may be in for a lot of heartache very soon.
Steff_a_nie Posted October 4, 2006 Posted October 4, 2006 I feel bad for the situation that you're in but if she's going to treat you like dirt then i dont understand why you'd take it again and again - going back for more. I wouldnt trust her, she is obviously insecure with your realtionship hence depending on other men... But I have to agree with sao2, "if you are going to be together than you have to trust her. Otherwise you have to break up with her, not because she has friends, because you don't trust her." She can't just pick you up and drop you at her own will. That's not fair. That's not a relationship. I wish you all the best.
bluechocolate Posted October 4, 2006 Posted October 4, 2006 My GF that lived with me has a job that's relocated her 3 times during our relationship. Each time she seems to have found other relationships that she wanted to go after and left me behind. ....what she thought was started as her having an innocent relationship with another guy turned quickly into more and I was left behind. What more do you need to know than what you've already written? She cannot handle a long distance relationship & she's proven that to you several times already.
Author FloridaGuy Posted October 4, 2006 Author Posted October 4, 2006 You know it's always easier to give advise than it is to take it. I try to separate myself from the situation and look at the facts, and when I do I give myself the same reply as I've seen here. But I'm sure you all know that "it's going to work if we can just learn from our mistakes" feeling, especially if your heart is tied up in it. I'm still considering my options, but may have to face the facts. Thanks
bluechocolate Posted October 4, 2006 Posted October 4, 2006 You know it's always easier to give advice than it is to take it. Oh yeah, I know that alright. I think we all do. But I'm sure you all know that "it's going to work if we can just learn from our mistakes"... That all depends on what you're trying to learn. You know that definition of insanity that people like to throw out there every once in a while? The one about doing the same thing over & over but expecting different results? I think that some people just aren't cut out for a long distance relationship. Maybe if she didn't have to move around you wouldn't be having this problem at all.
SoleMate Posted October 4, 2006 Posted October 4, 2006 You actually have a much easier choice facing you than most people struggling with LDR and commitment. Those other people are only WONDERING whether their gf/bf will be faithful - but in your case, you know (to a 98.5% certainty) that she WON'T. You've got the full information about her behavior, and you can just base your decision on that. It doesn't mean you have to break up with her. That's a personal choice. Some people do continue this sort of r/s, for various reasons - it meets their needs, or it's the best available at the time.
Author FloridaGuy Posted October 4, 2006 Author Posted October 4, 2006 Well there are all kinds of things to blame, bad previous relationships on both sides, inability to act mature in some cases. I can say it's better than the first time, but there's still a lot wrong. I'm just not sure how much more I can handle with the minimum effort, or lack of respect that I feel from the other side. I love the girl to death, I just don't want it to kill me.
bella_girl Posted October 4, 2006 Posted October 4, 2006 hmm I'm not sure that I would stand for that type of behaviour... you're not a hot potato she can't just drop and pick up at her will. As she's done several times before. I'd call her on it... state straight out "Do you want to be with me?" If yes then "you need to do stuff to build the trust back and assure me that this guy is just a friend and previous times wont repeat" Stand up for yourself, if you have a real problem with this guy say so. If the answer to the above question is a no or a wavering well I'm not sure... I don't know type answer... then I think you have your answer and you have to cut the strings and let her go (as the chances of past performance being future performance is too great, ie she'll drop you again). You deserve to be treated better than this. Good luck
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