The secret about chasing and being chased - I figured it all out!

[flexible christian]

good thought..

thats how it really is and good news you pointed

it out. Most people might not agree with it but

vice versa says it all fellas.

good looking out.

[RecordProducer]

I just want to say that there are some excellent thoughts here by a number of people, but I think RecordProducer has outdone herself. The thoughts she has expressed in this thread are very helpful to me...and have given me a great deal of insight.

GREAT THREAD!!!

 

I understand perfectly everything that RP has written and it makes a LOT of sense to me.

Thank you very much, Tony. I am glad something I said was helpful to somebody.

 

Funny thing is that it takes a 21 year old to teach you that.

The funny thing is that, despite of your persistent "teaching," I didn't hear one single "lesson" from you.

You deal with that kind of thing in your marriage? Honey I wouldn't settle for a date if it had a hint of what you've just described.

Since you think that marriage is a lifetime-lasting date, that all cards are being revealed on the first date, and that your feelings stay forever the way they were on your first date, I will ...

[princessa]

Since you think that marriage is a lifetime-lasting date, that all cards are being revealed on the first date, and that your feelings stay forever the way they were on your first date, I will ...

 

Putting words in my mouth again, are we? In any case, since you're pretty much dismissing most of my points and holding on to the mere details, twisting them up and making up facts about me, I will not spend any more of my energy trying to intelligently and logically discuss this topic with you.

[Moai]

So much of this is a point of perception.

 

Look at all the threads on here about "why is he/she doing this?" "What does this behavior mean?" and on and on and on.

 

Yes, it even goes on in marriages. And LTR's as well. And dates. It goes on everywhere, all the time. Most people don't think about it enough to quantify it, that's all.

 

In relationship, I can see it and feel it. When I am distracted, my GF notices, asks if I am ok, and gets more physical with me. And vice versa. I would never be able to do smething like this on purpose, and if it is a serious thing--or one of us feels it is, we discuss it. No games there, for sure.

 

The game itself is actually fun. The way we tease, the way we get serious, the way we play--it all weaves into the dance of our relationship. Sadly, I have a sister and have read WAY too many relationship books, so I am aware of these things more I suppose.

 

There are people out there who are aware of these "principles" and use them to their advantage. Not all people are nice. But there is nothing wrong with being aware of what is going on and how it affects you emotionally.

 

As I have mentioned, the women who approach me are the ones I don't like particularly. Is it not human to wonder why? From my own experience and reading about other's experiences it is obvious it is because I am a challenge to them. The women who I have been interested in and only wanted to be my friend did so because I was not a challenge at all. I have been lucky enough that most of those eventually turned into a romantic relationship--but even then, when they were no longer a challenge for me so much, I eventually lost interest. And they still call me.

 

I didn't know that is what was oging on at the time, but now I do. Knowing that, it has helped me to understand my behavior in my current relationship and not necessarily act the way I feel. And so far that has been great for growing closer together. Instead of going out with my bros and giveing her the cold shoulder when I am upset, I actually discuss it with her. When I have every urge to shut her out or do some passive/aggressive thing, I don't. Knowing and acknowleding the "game" has made me a better boyfriend.

 

I don't think any of this has to do with age. I know men and women in their 60s who are dating, and they ave the same questions and act the same way as little kids in their first crush. It is a little more sophisticated, and they are way better at it (although sometimes not), but it is still going on. It is going on in my friends' marriages, too. they talk to me about it all the time. They don't think about it the way I do, but as they talk I can see the chaser/chasee dynamic playing out.

[alphamale]

I don't think any of this has to do with age. I know men and women in their 60s who are dating, and they ave the same questions and act the same way as little kids in their first crush. It is a little more sophisticated, and they are way better at it (although sometimes not), but it is still going on. .

I have seen this and would agree

[Moai]

I'm curious as to what it is about the women who approach you that makes you not interested. Is the fact that they are approaching you a turnoff? Would you rather be the one who initiates?

 

I am not physically attracted to them, or I find them to be a little boring. Them appraoching me is not a turn off at all. In fact, I like it immensely when a woman initiates anything romantic.

 

I dunno about this. This sounds like either herd mentality or commitmentphobia to me. I should think that if this were a universal attitude then we would all be alone pining after 'what we don't have'. We would never connect with anyone and have a commited and fulfilling relationship with that person.

 

The wanting what you can't have thing is usually at the beginning. One hopes that as the relationship deepens, a real connection develops that transends that aspect, but not entirely. It is a fine balance, though. Ask yourself why clingy people are unattractive. No matter the commitment level, the other person must know that if disrespect occurs, or there is infidelity, or the effort put in is way too one-sided, I am gone. It is that attitude that keeps one a challenge, even in a committed relationship.

 

It just sounds like something a commitmentphobe would say. JMO, of course.

 

I am not a commitmentphobe, personally. Quite the reverse.

[Moai]

Good post, Moai!

 

Thanks! Your posts are awesome, too. I should've said so earlier. Way to create a thread!

[RecordProducer]

Thanks! Your posts are awesome, too. I should've said so earlier. Way to create a thread!

We'll create a Moai-and-RP fan club that will have two members: you and me!

[monkey00]

chasing and being chased is fun and all in the beginning, but once you get pass all that and into the 'comfort zone'...games shouldnt happen.

 

Games happen for a reason, and that reason is low interest level.

 

Now back to your ball...imagine if that ball was a cake. giving them a taste of it will keep them coming back for more. let the chaser know they have a chance at slowly winning you over. unfortunately all the mystery dissapates eventually and you guys either hit it off and become a couple or just lose interest.

[Great Gazoo]

This thread reminds me of that song What If God Smoked Cannabis, it really could explain a few things

[Tony T]

Bottom line: Doesn't it, for most, boil down to reproduction...keeping the game going for generations to come?

[RecordProducer]

Games happen for a reason, and that reason is low interest level.

 

Now back to your ball...imagine if that ball was a cake. giving them a taste of it will keep them coming back for more. let the chaser know they have a chance at slowly winning you over. unfortunately all the mystery dissapates eventually and you guys either hit it off and become a couple or just lose interest.

This is one of the smartest things I've heard lately.

 

Life is like a movie, if you've sat through more than half of it and its sucked every second so far, it probably isn't gonna get great right at the end and make it all worthwhile. None should blame you for walking out early

Hahah! But how do you know WHEN is half of it?

[Great Gazoo]

Hahah! But how do you know WHEN is half of it?

 

 

Oh I will know, I think I am almost there, just have to finish the popcorn first :lmao::lmao:

[Guest]

Game, by definition, means on purpose, and implies that impure intentions are involved. And you don't just get bored of somebody you love.

 

Also, love involves giving up power to some degree. In a mutual loving relationship you shouldn't feel the need to hold back so as to "not let the other one have power over you". It's very bitter to interpret a situation where the BF is not meeting the GF's needs as him being bored or enjoying having power over her. It's sad that you can't imagine how two people are able to have good intentions towards eachother.

 

I completely agree. Trying to manipulate someone else by playing a 'game' belies a bankrupt personality. If that's the way you think you should behave to 'win' someone, then you deserve the kind of person you get once you've 'won' the person. And if you're dumb enough to fall for being manipulated, same goes. So if you salivate for manipulators, don't go whining when you find you've been used. Again and again. If you can't behave honestly and seek out honest people, then you won't earn honesty in return and you can't moan and weep and have pity parties about having been deceived by horrible women and hateful men.

 

I'm just, as is said, sayin'

[newbby]

good thread.

i think maoi has some great points, people play "games", in all situations, but not always consciously. of course it is better to try and be conscious in all actions. part of this may be actually recognising that you and others play games. it is certainly being self aware, and if you can do this, then you can also have the objectivity to know when you are being unfair, and to realise that ego can be a powerful influence on behaviour sometimes creating false desire etc. for example if somebody is playing hard to get, and you begin to get infatuated with them, a knowledge of how the game works, and that most people are playing it and more importantly most people (self included) respond to it, then you can take a good look at what is motivating you to desire this person. therefore it can make one a more honest and more self aware and LESS ego driven person.

somebody said that people who "dont play games" are also playing a game. this is true, i believe.

like anything in life, relationships, including getting them are things that need to be learnt and mastered, and it is lazy to just sit and wait for them to come along, and happen for you, in some ways. i'm not completely sure i agree with my own point here though.

of course, you need to learn the art of the whole of the relationship, and not just the catching the chasee or hooking the chaser part. so everybody in this thread has a useful point, but lots of people are talking about different aspects of a relationship, perhaps.

[Guest]

unfortunately all the mystery dissapates eventually and you guys either hit it off and become a couple or just lose interest.

 

That's a no-brainer. Obviously, if you require 'mystery' in order to retain 'interest', then the person in and of himself/herself isn't interesting. And if you don't find someone interesting unless they play you like a toy, then, again, you deserve to be bored when you end up stuck with them.

 

What you need to do is find someone who is genuinely interesting to you exactly as she is so that you don't need all this faking out cr@p to 'keep you coming back'. You should want to come back because the person is delightful company, not because there's some big 'mystery' to unravel that, once revealed, means there's nothing left to enjoy.

 

As for these supposed 'games', it's just a story of people taking each other for granted but, on getting a hint that maybe the person being taken for granted might do something different, waking up and wising up for a bit. Then they go back to taking each other for granted. That's not a 'game'. It's laziness and neglect followed by a little reform followed by more laziness and neglect. Oooo. That's so romantic.

[SmoochieFace]

That's a no-brainer. Obviously, if you require 'mystery' in order to retain 'interest', then the person in and of himself/herself isn't interesting. And if you don't find someone interesting unless they play you like a toy, then, again, you deserve to be bored when you end up stuck with them.

 

What you need to do is find someone who is genuinely interesting to you exactly as she is so that you don't need all this faking out cr@p to 'keep you coming back'. You should want to come back because the person is delightful company, not because there's some big 'mystery' to unravel that, once revealed, means there's nothing left to enjoy.

 

As for these supposed 'games', it's just a story of people taking each other for granted but, on getting a hint that maybe the person being taken for granted might do something different, waking up and wising up for a bit. Then they go back to taking each other for granted. That's not a 'game'. It's laziness and neglect followed by a little reform followed by more laziness and neglect. Oooo. That's so romantic.

 

This 'mystery' stuff in relationships is just such absolute rubbish. If anyone wants 'mystery' in their lives there are plenty of books and films out there that aim to satisfy. No need for that in real life relationships with real people, I say.