Guest Posted October 3, 2006 Posted October 3, 2006 I married my dh after knowing him less than a year. We are in our mid 30's and thought we were being very logical about it all. we actually went to pre-marital counselling and sat down and answered questions about religion, sex, money and it seemed at the time that there were some differences but nothing that we didn't feel we couldn't live with. Now 2 years later, I'm really not happy. We've had so many stresses since we got married. He has changed jobs twice, he sold the house he owned before he met me after evicting some problem tenants, his parents have suffered health problems and have turned to us for financial support, We're now selling the house I owned before I met him that we both live in now and we have just bought a new house that we are moving to next month. But the biggest problem we've had has been our difference in our desire for children. Before we married, we talked a lot about this topic because he wanted children much more than I did, however, I still wanted to have at least one child. This was always an issue with us because I didn't have the same passion that he has for children and he took it to mean that I might change my mind after we were married. We got married and within the first year we had 3 miscarriages! This was heartbreaking on it's own but I felt like I was failing him as a wife, although he still loved and supported me and I felt like we became stronger because of these losses. We then took a break for 6 months before trying to conceive again, and these were the best 6 months that we had. We had lots of fun, and I realized how much I loved him and how good we were together (but I was also on Prozac during these 6 months due to depression from my recurrent miscarriages) However, now I am pregnant again. The pregnancy has been terrible on our relationship. I'v been very sick, very scared and nervous and to be honest, I'v been blaming him for all this because he's the one who wanted kids so bad. I think I would have just given up after 2-3 miscarriages. I have lost my sex drive but not only that, I also just don't like him anymore. I'm realizing we have lots of differences in religion in child rearing, and he is also extrememly negative due to all the stresses we've suffered over the last 2 years. It's been a terrible marriage so far because of all these stresses but I find it hard to feel happy now because we've each seen each others bad side. He's seen me at my lowest emotionally and I'v seen him at the most negative pessimistic whining times. He worries abotu so much going wrong in life, that I am starting to get negative too and that isn't good for me or my baby. I don't want to divorce even though I fear I married the wrong person. (what was I thinking?) How can I make this work and live with our differences?
Annacabana Posted October 3, 2006 Posted October 3, 2006 He could be just as stressed out and depressed about the miscarriages and your pregnancy as you are. Marriage is hard work, do you want to work at it. If you do, since we can only change ourselves, that is a good place to start. Are you being the best spouse,partner, friend you can be to your husband? Also it isn't fair to blame him for wanting kids, because you knew this going into the marriage and it takes two to create a life. Maybe counseling would help you get through this tough time and help prepare a happy family for your baby.
Recommended Posts