He claims he just "randomly skims through personals" like any other website...

[leopardprint]

The background...

 

Alright, I guess I should start with a little background of my situation with my SO/ex - http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t100328/

 

A little info on him - he's not really the flirty, sexual, need a girlfriend type person. From what I know, he's never had an online, singles personal account and he's never really been one to "go looking" for someone (we met by random chance, fell inlove, etc.; have been together for two years).

 

So if you don't want to read my link, here's the short: my boyfriend of two years and I have been going through some rough times. We broke up in July (he broke up with me because he didn't "know himself anymore" and "needed time"). I've been being his "bestfriend" since like he's asked, and it's been tearing me up inside. I've asked him over and over again what was going on between us, since he acts like nothing has changed (like we're still together, except no "I love you"s exchanged), and everytime he responds "I don't know" or "I need time". He says he doesn't want me to leave (go NC) or be out of his life because I'm his bestfriend and he "loves" and "cares" about me.

 

I've told him about my concern about getting even more hurt if I stay around when and if he finds someone else, and he has told me time and time again he is not over me, he can't get over me, he doesn't even want to think about being with someone else, and that he doesn't want to and won't be looking for anyone for a long, long time. He says he's not ready and he's not even sure about me (being with me or getting back together).

 

 

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The online personals and singles site dilemma...

 

Well last night, I got hit across the face with a ton of bricks (a "ton of bricks" is putting it lightly). I had found out that he had answered someone's personal add on craigslist.com: the title was "I like to smile... but I love to laugh! Check me out!" and inside, there were pictures of her and a description reading, "I posted something on here before but...maybe I didn't make myself clear... Please send me a pic with something that will grab my attention and I will def. reply!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MUAH!". To which, he sent her three joke pictures from the internet (you know, random funny ha-ha pictures that are posted on every set of forums on the internet).

 

I was devistated, because the only thing I could think of was that he had lied to me. If he would have just told me he was interested in other people, I would have left a long time ago. I felt like I was some "security blanket", as members in my last thread have written, that he was only keeping around incase things didn't work out with some new girl. It seemed so out side of him to be like that or to do something like that, since he IS a pretty moral, "honorable" guy, but I was so scared that maybe after all this time... that wasn't really who he was.

 

I freaked out - I don't think I've ever cried so hard in my life. It wasn't even crying, it was more like frantically gasping for air while my entire body was shaking and spasming.

 

I had to know. Or maybe I just had to tell him I DID know and that I never wanted to talk to his lying self again.

 

When I called and told him I knew, he told me I was wrong. He told me he was randomly skimming through craigslist like he aways does, and just randomly replied to some page, as if you would on some forums. I said this was different; it was a SINGLES PERSONAL. He said it didn't matter, it was a random link on the front of craigslist, he clicked it, and sent it. He said it was just like how he skims craigslist for cars, for people's artwork, etc. I kept arguing that this was different because he ANSWERED a personal. He told me it wasn't like that. He told me, "Don't you think if I was looking for someone, I would have sent a message in the email? Or pictures of myself or something?" He told me he was glad he came to me and told him I knew because he didn't want me to assume he was someone he wasn't; that he had done something he would never do. He told me he never realized it was so wrong, and wouldn't be skimming them again. He told me it was just the same as when I randomly click his friends' profiles on his friend's list on myspace out of boredom. I felt like it was different because, 1.) Those are his friends in real life on his own friends list, and 2.) I never send his single friends messages in replies to them looking for someone. He just kept telling me that it wasn't like that, and he's not looking for someone, and he still isn't over me, and he's even still torn over what to do about us.

 

Then after that he started telling me all these things about how he still thinks of memories, how he can't bring himself to change the "In A Relationship" status on his myspace and other profiles online to "Single", how he still looks at pictures of us, and how he can't stop thinking about how he'll never meet someone who into the same things as I am that he is (like cars, art, etc.). He even started crying with me at some point.

 

 

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Now the question...

 

I don't want to be taken for granted. I don't want to be lied to and I don't want to be any more hurt than I have been these past couple of months.

 

But I also don't want to make him out to be someone he's not. I don't want to accuse him of lying to me if he's not. I don't want to make this personal ad thing out to be anything more than it is if he IS telling the truth.

 

First of all, I'm not really sure how craigslist works; I don't see any random links on the front page. I thought you had to do a SPECIFIC search in the personals section to even bring up profiles or ads.

 

What do you all think? Do you think he's honestly telling the truth or there's more to it? Should I keep trusting him as I always have, or should I run away before I get even more crushed. I'm scared he just might not be telling me the truth because he doesn't want to lose me as a friend, someone close, or he doesn't want to hurt me. But at the same time, I'm scared he might be telling me 110% truth and I might end of making things worse if I don't trust him.

 

I've always given him my trust completely, since we were even in an LDR throughout most of our relationship. It's only now that we're broken up, and things are so confusing and he's been so indecisive with his feelings towards and for me, that I'm wondering if he still deserves my trust. I'm so confused - my stomach has been turning all day with this. I don't know how to feel; all I know is I'm terrified of getting hurt and being lied too. I've never felt this scared for my own feelings because in my llife. I'm not sure what to do anymore.

 

Thanks in advance.

[Jane Doe]

I'll make this short and sweet. You are being played. You are being lied to. He uses lame, time-worn lines (i.e. "I need time" and "I need to find myself," etc.) to keep you at arm's length yet hanging on for his convenience. He lies to you because you allow it. Dump the chump.

[whichwayisup]

I hate to say this but, I think he's playing you for a fool. While he's surfing and it's online, it's safe in his mind...No harm, no foul. THOUGH he doesn't understand the meaning behind it and the damage it's doing to you. Losing faith and trust in him.

 

Let him suffer the consquences. End it, go NC and see what happens. Sadly, it seems your relationship has been on a steady decline for a while now, and this is just another piece of the puzzle. I am sorry for your pain. You deserve better.