suchislife Posted October 3, 2006 Posted October 3, 2006 This man and I have liked each other for months - almost a year. We started out as friends, and over time really had fun and things looked promising. In April - he went back to college to work on his Master's - an accelerated schedule. He gets done with one term and the next one starts the next day. He is very busy as it is, working, coaching children, and now school. We didn't see much of each other and he has always been a big text message kind of guy because he is on the phone a lot with parents. Slowly, I didn't see him as much, but the texts continued, fast and furiously. As time went on, I finished my degree and have been busy organizing and wrapping up some professional things in my life. I noticed two weeks ago, he started texting me about what I was doing on the weekends - I haven't seen him on a weekend since summer. I've been getting my house ready to put on the market to sell. He came out and wanted to know if I was messing around. I'm not and told him the truth. Last weekend, he got a little more demanding and was kind of upset that I didn't text him over the weekend. Well, he could have picked up the phone any time. I was working on the house - that kind of thing. That very weekend, I was with a mutual facquaintence, who told me he drunk text her at 2 in the morning - about getting together. He doesn't like her, she doesn't like him. She doesn't know that we've liked each other for a long time. I tried to talk to him about it and he got so defensive it really hurt and turned me off. Finally, this weekend, she told me he had emailed her during the week. I asked him about that and he said 1 email doesn't mean interest. They work at the same place, I am at another location. I asked him what this meant regarding him and me and he said, "we are friends, but I am not sure what to do with you right now." (what does this mean?) After much thought, I called him, and he, of course, didn't pick up, because he was upset that people were talking about his bootie texts to this woman. I never said a word to anyone. (He works at a place where people are always messing around and he knows they all talk - he went through that last year before I knew him. They were trying to fix him up with someone and he didn't get involved, but he did text her and told her to back off in a joking but direct way.) I wanted to tell him in person that I care about him but I don't think he should contact me again. Mainly, not because he obviously wants to do whatever wants, but because he knew how I felt and he could have told me in a nice way that he wants to date other people. After you know someone for a year, and they make it clear they like you very much but don't have much free time, I feel like he could have been honest. I just feel like this whole situation tells me what he needs to do and what I need to do, and we both need to not be serious about each other. I would like to know what you think. Please be kind - it was really hard for me to sit there and hear that stuff. Thanks.
Author suchislife Posted October 3, 2006 Author Posted October 3, 2006 please help me out here. I need some help staying strong and focused. I'm not a kid.
Guest Posted October 3, 2006 Posted October 3, 2006 It sounds like he feels like you are keeping him on the fence. He is probably missing you a lot & you have no time for him. His mind is playing games with him & he got a little jealous. This little bit of conversation between him & a girl that do not really like each other is probably him trying to make you feel a little jealous. I think he knew it would get back to you. To me it is NOT obvious he wants someone else. He just wants off that fence. You can let him jump to other side with someone else or pull him over to you side. That will mean you finding the time for him. He needs some attention. Its up to you where he will get it.
Green Posted October 3, 2006 Posted October 3, 2006 ummm... to many text messages. You did the right thing about wanting to talk in person. try to move one. I'm going through something simalar kind of a confusing time
Author suchislife Posted October 3, 2006 Author Posted October 3, 2006 That's what I think. That's what his closest friend thought this summer. Too many things can be misinterpreted in a text. What I wrote in bold - what does that mean? It could mean a million things. What do you think?
Green Posted October 3, 2006 Posted October 3, 2006 when you cant talk about it face to face what you wrote in bold just seems uncaring.
magichands Posted October 3, 2006 Posted October 3, 2006 He doesn't like her, she doesn't like him. I wouldn't be so sure about him not liking her. I asked him what this meant regarding him and me and he said, "we are friends, but I am not sure what to do with you right now." Have you made it clear to him what you want from this relationship? Is it a relationship? Did you declare your feelings sufficiently?? I don't know what it means, but that kind of talk isn't going to make me weak at the knees. I wanted to tell him in person that I care about him but I don't think he should contact me again. Mainly, not because he obviously wants to do whatever wants, but because he knew how I felt and he could have told me in a nice way that he wants to date other people. I agree that going behind your back like this is bad news. Even if it was some kind of ploy to make you jealous (??), it just spells immaturity and deceit. And what do you think the real deal is with all this "text"ing?? I mean, you are (were?) comfortable talking over the phone, right?! After you know someone for a year, and they make it clear they like you very much but don't have much free time, I feel like he could have been honest. I just feel like this whole situation tells me what he needs to do and what I need to do, and we both need to not be serious about each other. Again, I agree (with your side of the story, haha). Well, I am very sorry that you're riding on this emotional roller coaster. How often were you catching up face-to-face?
magichands Posted October 3, 2006 Posted October 3, 2006 please help me out here. I need some help staying strong and focused. I'm not a kid. Help! I need some feedback. PS: I see that patience isn't your thing, haha. I didn't let this colour my advice, though (and perhaps I should have).
Author suchislife Posted October 3, 2006 Author Posted October 3, 2006 Hi. It's not that I'm not paitent - it's just that sometimes people on this site don't respond to questions if they have seen them before. I did a search and couldn't find anything - but I really needed the feedback. That's all. We don't catch up by phone - not my choice. He knows how I feel and I have asked him to get together. The hesitation is not mine. Thanks.
Walk Posted October 3, 2006 Posted October 3, 2006 His actions and words are so conflicting its hard to even advise/suggest anything... At first, while reading through your post, I thought he liked you. The constant text messaging, and stuff... Plus this comment (below) seems to stem from a jealousy issue, which would imply he has feelings for you. He came out and wanted to know if I was messing around......... Last weekend, he got a little more demanding and was kind of upset that I didn't text him over the weekend. But now he's saying: "we are friends, but I am not sure what to do with you right now." And you stated that his method in the past was to text the person with a direct statement regarding his feelings. (Ie: the girl his work set him up with) Which makes me believe that this is his true intention. He see's you as a friend. So in my opinion, I think he doesn't want you to find anyone else that would take your attention away from him. And I strongly believe that you need to break off the friendship if you aren't happy with the situation. My reasons: A) He has no communication skills if he can only talk to you via text messages. B) He won't make time for you yet does for others. (calls his parents) C) He's shown that his priorities in life do not involve you. D) He isn't showing that he cares how YOU feel about the situation, only how it affects him. E) He's either playing childish jealousy games by booty texting that other girl, or E) He's trying to send a message that you two aren't going to be more than friends. F) He got defensive when you attempted to talk to him about the "booty" text, he wasn't capable of having an adult conversation with you. G) He won't return your phone calls, or answer your calls in anyway. I could probably go on.... but what I see is a very immature boy who can't communicate, can't accept responsibility for his actions, and is hurting you in the process. You sound like an intelligent woman. Is this the type of man you would really want as your partner in the bad times? He might be okay as a friend, but I'd rather have someone who I knew I could communicate clearly with, and who would be strong enough to tackle the really difficult conversations with me. Even as a friend, he's rather flighty... I really wouldn't want him as a bf/husband knowing I can't discuss feelings or problems with him except via text messages.
Author suchislife Posted October 3, 2006 Author Posted October 3, 2006 Yes, you pretty much put it in a nutshell. Fortunately, my friends are helping out and I just know if I am to do NC I have to stay busy on the weekends. I think he likes/liked me. I'm just a lot more than he bargained for, where it would be a mutual relationship, not a controlling one. You can control a lot when you only text people. I'm attached emotionally, though, and just need to get through about 3 weeks and it will be ok. Thanks - if any of you have more to say - coping - whatever - I'm ready to hear it. As my friend put it - he has no dignity - let it go...
Green Posted October 3, 2006 Posted October 3, 2006 what do you mean you can controll alot when you only send txt messages? i found that interesting
Author suchislife Posted October 4, 2006 Author Posted October 4, 2006 I mean that when you are talking on the phone or face to face, your tone of voice, etc., explains what you mean. I think he texts as a way to keep distance. He can write what he wants instead of running the risk of being caught off guard by a question. Sometimes I think texting emails create a false sense of intimacy. You create the world - does that explain it better? I prefer to hear the person's voice, or face to face. Texting is fun, but it has it's limits. Does that explain it better? Thanks for the input. Keep it coming!
alphamale Posted October 4, 2006 Posted October 4, 2006 "we are friends, but I am not sure what to do with you right now." it means exactly what he said.
Author suchislife Posted October 4, 2006 Author Posted October 4, 2006 Alpha, I appreciate your opinion - I've read your comments in other threads, but that doesn't explain a thing. My instincts tell me he wants me around until he makes a decision... Maybe that's what you meant. In the end it won't matter because I made the decision - I feel exactly how some of the posts said - very mixed signals - and I want to make sure I don't get into this again. I'm in day 3 of NC. Thank you.
Green Posted October 4, 2006 Posted October 4, 2006 I mean that when you are talking on the phone or face to face, your tone of voice, etc., explains what you mean. I think he texts as a way to keep distance. He can write what he wants instead of running the risk of being caught off guard by a question. Sometimes I think texting emails create a false sense of intimacy. You create the world - does that explain it better? I prefer to hear the person's voice, or face to face. Texting is fun, but it has it's limits. Does that explain it better? Thanks for the input. Keep it coming! So true this girl I had been seeing only txt messages me and I think she is full of it.But thats all she does is send txt messages so I'm getting sick of her.
Guest Posted October 4, 2006 Posted October 4, 2006 all that stuff creates a strange kind of "relationship", "friendship", whatever, that might or might not be there. I just know that if I were really interested in someone, I wouldn't have done the texting, drunk or not. At least I don't think I would have. Not very classy.
Author suchislife Posted October 5, 2006 Author Posted October 5, 2006 Hi there, I reread the replies today, and am doing ok. I might never find out what the deal was, but, I feel a certain sense of freedom knowing I don't have to think about texting or worrying about what the deal is. There is something weird about texting so much. IMO, anyway. I will check back - I made plans for the weekend, and alternate plans in case the first ones fall through. Eventually, I won't feel like that matters so much. I want to make sure I am busy and take care of myself for a while. I just can't deal with the game playing. Thanks.
Author suchislife Posted October 10, 2006 Author Posted October 10, 2006 Why is this bothering me so much? I have no clue.
Green Posted October 10, 2006 Posted October 10, 2006 Look I just broke it off with a girl I've been seeing to and it sux I cant get her out of my head even though I already have a friday date set up with a new girl I'm still thinking about the old one, time will get it out of ur head
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