Pick your poison...

[AriaIncognito]

I’m curious. Which would you go for?

 

Pick your poison…

 

Scenario 1: You strived after something and then you finally attained it. However, you’re not happy. Life still seems not right.

Scenario 2: You never strived for what it is you felt you deserved, and are always wondering “what if”

 

If you had to pick one of those 2 scenarios to deal with, which would you rather? I realize both are negative scenarios and of course you could say there could be a 3rd where you strive for what you want, get it, and are happy. However, then the choice is a no brainer…lol

 

Just curious as to which evil will outweigh the other for the general populus…

 

Jennifer

[tanbark813]

I would take Scenario 1 in a heartbeat. I hate "what if's". The disappointment in #1 would probably be temporary while the lingering questions in #2 would likely be perpetual.

[magichands]

Give me a big bunch of sour grapes anyday. Ooh...I think these are fermenting!

[AriaIncognito]

Give me a big bunch of sour grapes anyday. Ooh...I think these are fermenting!

 

So what scenario do you pick lol. 1 or 2? :-)

 

Jennifer

[Jizzosh]

Same with me, what if's are wack.

 

I read in some other forum here a guy's like somewhere near 30 and hasn't had a girlfriend. 'what if I tried to get that girl, I shouldn't have cared what they all thought' you know? Anything else too, it eats at you forever. For #1 at least you can say you accomplished what you meant to accomplish. I know how much unhappiness sucks, but you'll get over it.

[Pyro]

I’m curious. Which would you go for?

 

Pick your poison…

 

Scenario 1: You strived after something and then you finally attained it. However, you’re not happy. Life still seems not right.

Scenario 2: You never strived for what it is you felt you deserved, and are always wondering “what if”

 

If you had to pick one of those 2 scenarios to deal with, which would you rather? I realize both are negative scenarios and of course you could say there could be a 3rd where you strive for what you want, get it, and are happy. However, then the choice is a no brainer…lol

 

Just curious as to which evil will outweigh the other for the general populus…

 

Jennifer

 

 

Definitely scenario 1. After striving for something and you are still not happy, then strive for something else, but you can look back and at least tell yourself that you have already accomplished something.

[AriaIncognito]

See I'd also take scenario 1 but i was beginning to wonder if I'm a moron for doing so. I'm currently in the throes of a scenario 1 where I was with someone relationship wise, but we broke up (due to his own fears of the relationship not being entirely right for him for whatever his reasons, be it his religion or what i dont know). I was miserable when we split up. Missed him to death. However, 2 months later, we got back, and well we are in the same situation still. He's still unsure and it makes me miserable because I really want to be with him, but I also know I really deserve to be with someone that's treating me as well as I'm treating them. If i leave it now, I will wonder "what if i waited" perhaps. If i don't leave it now, and he ends up dumping ME again, i'll wonder "what if i'd have broken it off". It just seems like a triple edged sword. One side, I stick around, and he breaks it off, I get hurt. Another side, I leave, and I get hurt because I want more than anything to have this work out for us. The other side I never go back and wonder what if about it all. WHat if we were meant to be and i didn't stick it out long enough, or whatever.

 

I don't know. Maybe this will turn this thread a little, but it's how I've been feeling. I strived for what it is I want (a relationship with him) however it's not making me happy (because he's still afraid to fall 100% for me and therefore isn't being 100% a boyfriend) but I know I'll also not be happy if i walk. I know that the unhappiness with walking could be less torturous, but then if i walk, i wonder "what if".

 

See my dilemna???

 

 

I'm so exhausted, emotionally.

 

Jennifer

[Pyro]

See I'd also take scenario 1 but i was beginning to wonder if I'm a moron for doing so. I'm currently in the throes of a scenario 1 where I was with someone relationship wise, but we broke up (due to his own fears of the relationship not being entirely right for him for whatever his reasons, be it his religion or what i dont know). I was miserable when we split up. Missed him to death. However, 2 months later, we got back, and well we are in the same situation still. He's still unsure and it makes me miserable because I really want to be with him, but I also know I really deserve to be with someone that's treating me as well as I'm treating them. If i leave it now, I will wonder "what if i waited" perhaps. If i don't leave it now, and he ends up dumping ME again, i'll wonder "what if i'd have broken it off". It just seems like a triple edged sword. One side, I stick around, and he breaks it off, I get hurt. Another side, I leave, and I get hurt because I want more than anything to have this work out for us. The other side I never go back and wonder what if about it all. WHat if we were meant to be and i didn't stick it out long enough, or whatever.

 

I don't know. Maybe this will turn this thread a little, but it's how I've been feeling. I strived for what it is I want (a relationship with him) however it's not making me happy (because he's still afraid to fall 100% for me and therefore isn't being 100% a boyfriend) but I know I'll also not be happy if i walk. I know that the unhappiness with walking could be less torturous, but then if i walk, i wonder "what if".

 

See my dilemna???

 

 

I'm so exhausted, emotionally.

 

Jennifer

 

Maybe you two are meant for each other, but just not right now. It sounds like he has some growing up to do and you should steer clear of him until he does so. If its meant to be then you two will meet up down the road, but no one deserves to be treated bad.

[AriaIncognito]

I try to believe that, but I guess that's where my impatience gets in the way. I feel like, i'm 32, I'm tired of waiting for people to get over things or grow up in order to finally obtain that which I want. Plus, I think, ok, say he's the one for me, but he needs 5 years to "grow up". Then what? I obviously can't put my life on hold for 5 years (which I know you're not saying to do) but then there'd be any given amount of time that i'd spend wishing/hoping he'd be back saying he loved me and wanted the same commitment. So then, your comment to me is to basically move on with my life, leave him, but then that leaves me with the pain I'm trying to avoid. Also, that leaves me with the "what if I stayed" issue.

 

See where this is tricky? Man. I dont even want to be in my shoes anymore...

 

Jennifer

[Pyro]

I try to believe that, but I guess that's where my impatience gets in the way. I feel like, i'm 32, I'm tired of waiting for people to get over things or grow up in order to finally obtain that which I want. Plus, I think, ok, say he's the one for me, but he needs 5 years to "grow up". Then what? I obviously can't put my life on hold for 5 years (which I know you're not saying to do) but then there'd be any given amount of time that i'd spend wishing/hoping he'd be back saying he loved me and wanted the same commitment. So then, your comment to me is to basically move on with my life, leave him, but then that leaves me with the pain I'm trying to avoid. Also, that leaves me with the "what if I stayed" issue.

 

See where this is tricky? Man. I dont even want to be in my shoes anymore...

 

Jennifer

 

I understand your point but you can't and shouldn't wait around for someone just in hopes of them improving. If he is around the same age as you, then chances are he is not going to get better. I know that its easier said then done to break up with someone that you love but staying with someone who treats you like dirt will inflict more pain on you then the temporary pain that you would have if you broke up with him.

[AriaIncognito]

I understand your point but you can't and shouldn't wait around for someone just in hopes of them improving. If he is around the same age as you, then chances are he is not going to get better. I know that its easier said then done to break up with someone that you love but staying with someone who treats you like dirt will inflict more pain on you then the temporary pain that you would have if you broke up with him.

 

I'm not sure if i'd say he treats me like dirt. The only thing he's currently potentially guilty of, is not loving me and/or stringing me along knowing he'll never love me due to our religious differences. If he treated me like dirt, I'd have no want to have it work out, as I want a happy and fulfilling life, and part of that is finding someone to settle down with and hopefully live happily ever after.

 

Yes it could definitely be argued that he's treating me poorly by leading me on if there's no potential, I just can't see to get to the root of whether or not he'll ever believe there is potential. As it stands right now I believe he thinks we don't have long term potential because while he is happy with me, he feels the religion thing could hamper things with his family and whatnot. I'm just very confused. I know how miserable I was the 1st time he left, and i really dont want to be back there. Ever.

 

Jennifer

[Buttaflyy]

I’m curious. Which would you go for?

 

Pick your poison…

 

Scenario 1: You strived after something and then you finally attained it. However, you’re not happy. Life still seems not right.

 

 

Has to be #1! Better to have tried and failed than to have never tried at all. I'd be happy with the fact that I've attained something that I wanted. Even if it turned out not to be what I thought it was. That way, I can move on with my life and try the next thing.

[Pyro]

I'm not sure if i'd say he treats me like dirt. The only thing he's currently potentially guilty of, is not loving me and/or stringing me along knowing he'll never love me due to our religious differences. If he treated me like dirt, I'd have no want to have it work out, as I want a happy and fulfilling life, and part of that is finding someone to settle down with and hopefully live happily ever after.

 

Yes it could definitely be argued that he's treating me poorly by leading me on if there's no potential, I just can't see to get to the root of whether or not he'll ever believe there is potential. As it stands right now I believe he thinks we don't have long term potential because while he is happy with me, he feels the religion thing could hamper things with his family and whatnot. I'm just very confused. I know how miserable I was the 1st time he left, and i really dont want to be back there. Ever.

 

Jennifer

 

My apologies then for using the term "dirt". Have you tried talking to him about all this?

[Buttaflyy]

Sorry guys, I hadn't read the other posts before responding. I was totally off track there.

[AriaIncognito]

No need to apologize. He knows how I feel about him. He knows I'm even willing to consider conversion if that makes life easier. He just doesn't seem to know what he wants from it, if anything. He openly admits that our relationship is very easy and comfortable and nice and when we are together he's happy but then he says he wants that "flying feeling" (i guess the feeling of general obsession over a love or something) and that he's not letting himself get there and he doesn't know why, so that must mean that something isn't right. Persumably in my mind that something is my religion. However only he can truly know what he's feeling. Whether or not he's being truthful as to what his problems are, is unknown. I assume he's telling me all he can figure out. I understand that feelings of conflict can stem from things that even we are not fully aware of, so maybe he doesn't really know for sure, but that leaves me with all this...

 

Jennifer

[Pyro]

Sorry guys, I hadn't read the other posts before responding. I was totally off track there.

 

Its cool.

 

I wasn't expecting this thread to take a detour like this either.

[AriaIncognito]

Yeah i wasn't really wanting it to but then i felt like I owed an explanation as to why I was asking the question lol. Feel free to get it back on track with more... right now we are 100% for option 1.

 

Thanks,

Jennifer

[Buttaflyy]

Yeah i wasn't really wanting it to but then i felt like I owed an explanation as to why I was asking the question lol. Feel free to get it back on track with more... right now we are 100% for option 1.

 

Thanks,

Jennifer

 

But how does this apply to your situation. Please forgive me if you've stated this already. Is your situation presently a #1 or 2? (which are both not so great ones, as you've stated)

[AriaIncognito]

It's currently a 1. I'm going after what i want (my current whatever he is - quasi boyfriend) even though we broke up once (he left) because he means a lot to me and I could see myself growing old with him. Plain and simple. The reason I'm unhappy presently with this, is because he's still confused as to what he wants with me, if anything. Idont know if i'm pounding my head into a wall hoping he'll love me someday, or if i'm doing the right thing by waiting and not leaving and wondering "what if i'd stayed longer".

 

Hope that helps.

 

Jennifer

[Buttaflyy]

Idont know if i'm pounding my head into a wall hoping he'll love me someday, or if i'm doing the right thing by waiting and not leaving and wondering "what if i'd stayed longer".

 

Hope that helps.

 

Jennifer

 

From what you've said here, I doubt that you'll later wonder about that. You should never stay in hopes that someone's feelings may change. How about this..If you do that, (what you've written above) your life might turn to #2 with you wondering about the great guys you could've met.

[Pyro]

It's currently a 1. I'm going after what i want (my current whatever he is - quasi boyfriend) even though we broke up once (he left) because he means a lot to me and I could see myself growing old with him. Plain and simple. The reason I'm unhappy presently with this, is because he's still confused as to what he wants with me, if anything. Idont know if i'm pounding my head into a wall hoping he'll love me someday, or if i'm doing the right thing by waiting and not leaving and wondering "what if i'd stayed longer".

 

Hope that helps.

 

Jennifer

 

You sound like you are at the point in your life where you know what you want. You don't have time to wait around for him until he is ready just like you. The best thing for you would be to not wait around and move on with your life. Tell him that if he ever decides to be ready to commit to you, then he knows where to find you, but in the meantime, don't wait around.

[AriaIncognito]

From what you've said here, I doubt that you'll later wonder about that. You should never stay in hopes that someone's feelings may change. How about this..If you do that, (what you've written above) your life might turn to #2 with you wondering about the great guys you could've met.

 

True, the what if statement can go many ways. I suppose if i'd often met "great guys" that you speak of, I"d not wonder so much, but it's not often (if ever) i've found someone that I've felt like this for. That i've felt so compatible with. That kinda thing. I fear never having that again, should I walk from this one who just might be a little gun shy...you know?

 

Jennifer

[AriaIncognito]

You sound like you are at the point in your life where you know what you want. You don't have time to wait around for him until he is ready just like you. The best thing for you would be to not wait around and move on with your life. Tell him that if he ever decides to be ready to commit to you, then he knows where to find you, but in the meantime, don't wait around.

 

Unforunately, what i seem to want, is him. lol. So moving on wouldn't get me what i wanted. I mean yes my general goal is to be married and have a family. However my current specific goal is to have that be with him. I realize that could (and probably should) be altered to allow a new person, but well, I'm eons off of being ready for that.

 

Jennifer

[Buttaflyy]

True, the what if statement can go many ways. I suppose if i'd often met "great guys" that you speak of, I"d not wonder so much, but it's not often (if ever) i've found someone that I've felt like this for. That i've felt so compatible with. That kinda thing. I fear never having that again, should I walk from this one who just might be a little gun shy...you know?

 

Jennifer

 

Yes. If...you know what you want right now and he can't provide it. We're talking about him giving you the commitment that you deserve. It also sounds like he's told you straight out that he can't do it. Maybe you need to accept this. I'd do as Riddler suggested and if he feels the same as you, he'd have a change of heart. If he doesn't, then you know and you haven't waited around for a what if.

[AriaIncognito]

Yes. If...you know what you want right now and he can't provide it. We're talking about him giving you the commitment that you deserve. It also sounds like he's told you straight out that he can't do it. Maybe you need to accept this. I'd do as Riddler suggested and if he feels the same as you, he'd have a change of heart. If he doesn't, then you know and you haven't waited around for a what if.

 

My logical mind has always told me the same thing. That I shouldnt wait and waste time, etc. However my heart, still hasn't caught up. My heart has been the largest obstacle in this for the entire time it's occurred. Letting go seems difficult. I feel not prepared or ready to give up. Then there are times where I feel like giving up is all I can do because otherwise I'm hurting myself more.

 

It's fun.

 

Not.

 

Jennifer