HopeForMe Posted October 2, 2006 Posted October 2, 2006 Hello all, long post here and I'm sorry. My story is not like any other I don't suppose, anyhow. I met my husband when I was sixteen. Yeah chalk it up to a bad family home life, mom was on drugs and just divorced from my step father and so I ran a little rampant plus never wanting to be at home around that stuff. Anyhow I met my now husband when I was sixteen. We lived together for about three years before marrying, due to I was about to have our first child. We married and at the time we married I didn't really want to marry but having dropped out of highschool and having no real education and having the family I have I didn't know what else to do so I married him. I thought for a long time I was in love with him. Things started to change. We had another child in 2000 and again I was unhappy. I did not want to leave again because I have no education and I've not really ever worked and now having another child presented a lot of fear, so again I stayed. Cut to 2001, I started having a affair with someone else. It was just emotional but all the same it was a affair. I take full responsibility for it. My husband is a decent man I suppose. He has lied to me a few times and when I was pregnant with my daughter my best friend called me out of the blue and said "Guess who came by and saw me today, I was shocked", I asked and of course she said my husband had come by to see her, at first I thought she was lying because my husband had always said how much he disliked her and how much of a low life he thought she was. So when she said that he didn't wear glasses anymore and when did that change, I knew she was telling the truth. I confronted him and of course he stated she was lying. When I called her stepfather, she lived with her mother and stepfather at the time, he confirmed that my husband was over there. I had to eventually let that go because he kept denying it. So I don't know what was up there and never followed up on it, simply dumped the friend and we never have spoken again. Per husband's request. I'd like to state I didn't have my emotional affair until after that incident. My kids very much love their father, like I said he is a decent man. He works very hard and takes very good care of us. He isn't really overbearing or unfair. Problem is, I don't love him. I haven't loved him in years. We're more like best friends and roommates than anything else. I can not stand to have sex with him. When we do have sex I just lay there. I hate it. Absolutely hate it. I hate kissing him, I hate him kissing me, I hate him touching me, it makes my skin crawl. I know I should feel bad about that but I don't. Those are my feelings. I care about him very much because of our friendship and we've been together for 15 years. It's a hard thing, but now I want a divorce and I don't know how to go about it or even how to ask about it. I don't want to hurt him or my children, but I can not stay in something I'm not happy with. My mom did that with my stepfather and it was more harmful than good for my brother and I. I'm worried because like I said I don't know where to turn or what to do. I have two children, no family, no real education, never worked before, and I'm not sure what I need to do money wise, or how to ask for the divorce. Any help or guidance will be most appreciated. By the way, marriage counseling is not a option. I've asked and he has declined. Doesn't believe in counseling. Thankyou in advance.
debilou Posted October 2, 2006 Posted October 2, 2006 You have to take care of you. There are lots of ways to do it. The library is a free outlet. Get counseling just for yourself. If money is an issue investigate the groups that charge based on your income. You have to make yourself better in order for your kids to have a better life. I agree no one should stay unhappily married. Sometimes we're not happy with ourselves and so we're not happy with anyone or anything. Your life isn't over, get your GED. There is so much you can do. We're here for you. Debilou
Moose Posted October 2, 2006 Posted October 2, 2006 You made your bed......now lay in it.... Seriously, you obviously have had some feeling for your husband before. Have you told him everything you had just told us? If so, what has he said about this? Any chance you can re-discover what you two have lost?
Author HopeForMe Posted October 2, 2006 Author Posted October 2, 2006 Yeah deb, I'm doing that now. I've ordered all the books and everything. I am just having a problem figuring out how to tell him. Once I do he isn't going to be happy about it. Moose, No, I appreciate your logic. Thanks but no. Yes I have told him everything. He knows.
Lor Posted October 2, 2006 Posted October 2, 2006 Wrong tactic here, Moose. She made her bed but she doesn't have to lie in it. Not that I advocate leaving a relationship "just because".....But it does sound a tad cliche in leaving a bad home life for M, only to realize that it wasn't such a hot idea. that being said, here's a couple of things you need to think about, although it looks like you're already trying to figure them out. Are you willing and able to find a job and support your kids on your own? Are you willing to commit to getting an education so they can have the things they deserve? Will you be able to deal with them on your own, without the help that their father gives? They will go thru some very strong pain of their own and you'd better be prepared for the questions. Even though you'd be leaving your H, he will always be a part of your life, whether you like the fact or not. Hopefully you aren't having FBS or Grass is Greener feelings cuz they won't get you anywhere. It sounds like you like your H, so don't do him wrong in this--make sure you be very civil and thoughly explain everything to him. Don't try to spare his feelings, and don't hit him over the head with it without warning. Give him plenty of time to adjust to the reality or you'll find him on a site like this wondering what the hell happened and trying to pick up the pieces...and trust me, that sucks. Pardon my bluntness. Since you are having problems dealing with the intimate side of a relationship, you may want to find out why you feel that way. Is he physically repulsive to you? Or is it only you? Have you built up a wall and resent his intrusion into your life by wanting to be physical with his W?
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