laliquel Posted October 2, 2006 Posted October 2, 2006 He's moved out, we started officially dating and we spend a lot of time together. Everything is running very smoothly, except for one little thing...last night we were at his place and just hanging out in each other's arms and we started play fighting and tickling each other and he called me by his EW name. OUCH! He felt embarassed and I felt bad too, should it not affect me? I wonder what that means?
KrisMuseumGirl Posted October 2, 2006 Posted October 2, 2006 He moved out didn't he? He moved out to be with you. I think that tremendous change in life is a scream from the top of the tallest building that he has made his choice and it was you. I know it hurts to hear him accidently call you the EW's name, but give the guy a break. He was with her for a while (I don't know how long) but habits get to be subliminal sometimes. It's like when Grandma calls you your cousin's name by accident. I would not get too upset over it unless he does it in bed. Your relationship is new, give him a break and forget it.
whichwayisup Posted October 2, 2006 Posted October 2, 2006 It's like when Grandma calls you your cousin's name by accident Apples and oranges...Similar, but not the same. Look, he didn't say her name on purpose, but I'm sure it still hurt. What you have to remember is, they were married and part of eachothers lives for a long time, it's habit, subconscious etc. You have to choose not to let it upset you. He said sorry, and feels bad he slipped up. It wasn't intentional. If it happens again, then I'd be concerned. Or if it happens while having sex. In the meantime, just take it slow. You say you're dating, (did he move in with you?) so just enjoy dating and don't put pressure on the relationship. Things will happen as they're supposed to.
Author laliquel Posted October 2, 2006 Author Posted October 2, 2006 thanks for the response. I suppose you are right, I thought of the things you mentioned, in particular the part about it being all new to him and it is a big switch in gears. I know it happened unconsciously but I took it as he misses her. Or I also took it that he felt so comfortable with me that it felt like he was still with her, in which case I'm not sure I like that second option since their marriage did end because they did not share the same interestes therefore he did not enjoy his time with her. I dunnow maybe things are really good and I am just looking for silly things to nit pick on, because quite honestly things are really good between us. Yes he did move out on his own, not in with me. We see each other as if we had just started dating 2-3 times a week, no more than that. I want it that way, if it were up to him it would be every day practically but he has a tendency to want to do things in an obsessive way and I have to put the breaks on it for the good of a healthy relationship. ;-)
whichwayisup Posted October 2, 2006 Posted October 2, 2006 The reality is, he probably does miss her and how things used to be. You have to understand just because you two are together now, doesn't make his past go away. Don't turn this into 'he doesn't love me because he still thinks of her once in a while,' if you do that, your new relationship might as well end now. He still needs time to grieve, deal with the loss, feelings of his marriage and wife. That takes time. Noone can jump into another relationship so quickly, and expect things to be perfect and normal. That just isn't going to happen. Not too long ago he was with her, and now he's with you. I'm glad that you are taking it slowly, because he certainly doesn't see that he needs time. I think he's scared of being on his own after being with someone for so long, so it's a good thing he's not living with you. You have to stop comparing what they had to what you have with him, if anything THAT will cause problems, not only for the relationship, but for your mental health.
Recommended Posts