Dealing with not seeing myself with SO yet can't see myself without him. Been there?

[MsPiggy]

Hello everyone. I have been with my bf for 11yrs, since we were 13 in High School. The relationship has been somewhat rocky for the past 3 yrs in which I fell out of love (he is still in love) and I started to see other people, not seriously though. Just used them (not for sex, but emotionally) to fill in the "void" of my current relationship I guess.

 

Ok, so things eventually progressed from bad to worse. We are on a break right now, and it's the craziest feeling....we live together so he's been staying at his parents for a month now. Yes, I'm seeing someone else for the past YEAR (i know i'm horrible), but I know this thing that I have with this other guy is somewhat temporary because we won't last, and we're really near the end of this escapade and he could NEVER be the man my bf is. Anyway, can anyone relate to the way I'm feeling?? I love my bf alot and miss him just a little but I am considering trying to work things out just because I can't see myself without him yet I can't see myself being truely happy with him either. On paper it all sounds great when I think about what he does for me and how he tries to make my life easier in anyway possible, and how he always prioritizes me. When I think of these things I always coming back to him because these are great qualities you don't come across often, but when I think of the emptiness and loneliness I've felt when we were together is keeping me "separated" from him.

 

I am asking how to deal with these feelings and if you've been thru this and how you handled the situation. Please refrain from telling me what a horrible person I am. I just told you the other stuff to give a little history and help you see the whole picture as much as possible.

 

Thank you.