ash519 Posted October 2, 2006 Posted October 2, 2006 So, my bf and I have been together a year and a half. We love eachother very much and live together. Since the beginning of our relationship I have been insecure and just all around worried about losing him and him meeting someone else. Well, he has had it with me giving him crap when he's out late stuff of that nature. It happend again Saturday night, he was recording with his band and it was like 2:30am and I called him and he said he'd be home soon but he could hear the anger in my voice. The next morning we got in a huge fight! Almost broke up because he is so sick of me acting that way towards him. I understand his frustration, as he has done dumb things here and there in the past, he has done nothing to deserve such pain in the butt actions and resposes.I really have to work on it!!! Anyway, so we almost broke up, he told me how frusturating he finds it and told me unless it changes we will not work. So, now i know that he is not happy in that aspect of our relationship and I feel as though we are on thin ice. How do I deal with that feeling? It makes me sad and insecure to feel this way and i dont really know what i should and shouldnt be doing while we are going through this. I hate the feeling that I might lose him, although he tells me and told me yesterday the last thing he wants to do is lose me. Any advice?
Author ash519 Posted October 3, 2006 Author Posted October 3, 2006 I guess I am the only one whos ever been in this situation
lovelorcet Posted October 3, 2006 Posted October 3, 2006 Ok here is my 2ct. You need to stop worrying about him and concentrate on yourself some more. You need to ask yourself why are you so insecure. Do you have your own interest that you can follow when he is not with you? Do you want him to be with you because you squeeze him so tight that he can't get away or because that is what he wants. Your life does not have to be dependent on him, you had one before he was there and your life would go on if he were to leave.
SmoochieFace Posted October 3, 2006 Posted October 3, 2006 Insecurity is a sure-fire relationship killer.
Walk Posted October 3, 2006 Posted October 3, 2006 Why do you think he's doing stuff he shouldnt' be if you know he's just at band practice? Is he usually home at a certain time on those nights, and he was late without calling that night? Is that why you were upset with him? Those could be valid reasons to feel upset.. If he's normally home by midnight and it's going on 2:30 and you haven't heard a peep from him.. I'd be upset. Worried, concerned, and irritated he couldn't take five seconds to let me know he was alright. I guess, I'm wondering is if he's not shifting the blame on to you by saying your just too insecure. I'm sure he's tired of hearing how insecure you are... but are there reasons for you to feel insecure in teh relationship? Does he call when he says he will? Does he let you know when he'll be late? Also, have you always been insecure/jealous? In every relationship you've been in? Or are you normally level headed, and secure? Might be the guy that triggers the insecurity.. his words, actions, way he reacts to other women, how he talks about them, or treats other women. If that's the case, then if he won't "discuss" it with you, you're pretty much left with two options: Brain wash yourself so that you don't notice, or get out of the relationship and find someone whose views on opposite sex interactions are closer to your own. If you're just insecure, always have been, then you need to work on yourself. Start getting in shape, join a sport, take classes at the local university.. do stuff that will bring you a sense of accomplishement and pride. Things that you can look back on and say "I'm good at that." Do something you're a little scared of trying, but put your full effort into it. The better you get at it the more confident you'll feel about yourself.
Author ash519 Posted October 3, 2006 Author Posted October 3, 2006 Thank you for the replies. Walk, truth is I have always been a bit insecure. Now that I am with someone I love and that means the world to me i feel like it is worse. He's a catch and I am worried someone more his type will want my catch. He tells me all the time how much he cares for me but when he goes out whether it be to bars or some kind of parties i worry myself sick over it. Most nights he practices he is home by 10. But this one was on a Saturday night and he told me they were recording and he had no idea how late he'd be. I still think a text or call who have helped but I did overreact to it, actually, I just shouldnt have reacted at all. He is shy too. But when i see him talking or looking at other girls it makes me feel like crap. Sometimes it seems like he is flirting but deep down i know it's not. Right now I just feel that we are on thin ice and it makes it worse. I do have to work on myself a lot. Losing him over me insecurities is a dumb thing to do. I play like mental tug of war with myself all the time. I know he loves me, but what if..... He says i am the only one he wants to be with but what if...... I just need to relax. If he cheats, he cheats. If he leaves, he leaves.I cant smother him trying to avoid those situations.
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