hurting1712 Posted October 2, 2006 Posted October 2, 2006 I guess I know the answer before writing this but my head is going in a thousand directions so here goes... I was madly in love with a man, we started out in a ldr...we would break up and get back together over and over again mainly it was me leaving, trying to make that stand I guess...but I would always break down and talk to him when he would call me back. I would always leave because I would do and do for him yet he couldn't even show me an occasional bit of affection. I mean we would go a month without him touching me. I can understand not all guys are mushy but dang a little bit because he loved me was all I really needed. Plus, he has two kids and he lets them do whatever they want and puts me down like a dog yet treats them like they can't do anything wrong. I moved to be with him, and ended up moving back. He moved up here and after two weeks we got into an argument on the way to take his kids back home which is three hours away he tells me to just drop him and his kids off and cusses me out. So i just drop him off and all of his stuff is still at my house! Before we left we got into an argument and it was like he was wanting me to beg him to stay by saying oh you know this wont work and then telling me I have to agree with him. When I just sat there he asked oh well do you want to be with me or not? I was like wtf, I mean I cant beg someone to stay. I know I should move on, but I have this sick feeling in my stomach of being without him. I want to be strong but how? I have never trusted anybody and I feel like I am in this world alone with everybody hating me. Its like I know I dont need him he isnt even worth my time but I love him so much. I have lost all my friends over time so I just feel so alone right now.
scobro Posted October 2, 2006 Posted October 2, 2006 I totally feel for you in this case and I know exactly what it is you are doing.This guy who you claim to love treated you pretty badly by the sounds of it and now that you are without him you are putting him on a pedastal because you are feeling lonely and going through relationship withdrawl.For someone who "puts you down like a dog" I find it hard to miss that, it is not him you miss it's being with someone.Give it some time and really think about what exactly it is you miss about him without putting him in a "good light" sounds to me like you dodged a bullet here and is a blessing in disguise.
Author hurting1712 Posted October 2, 2006 Author Posted October 2, 2006 I think you hit that one on the spot pretty well. I sit there when we are together and think of what is wrong in our relationship, and when we aren't together all I can think of are the good things. The last time we broke up he was calling me nonstop and leaving messages on my vm saying how much of a w**** and b**** I was. I mean I did it all for him and when we argue he makes me feel like its all my fault. I know I shouldn't let it get to me but I guess that is where my low self esteem kicks in.
scobro Posted October 2, 2006 Posted October 2, 2006 A relationship is suppose to enhance your life not burden it with conflict,anger,drame and feelings of lack.If this is what yours is like it is time to move on and find in time a relationship that makes you happy but don't confuse it with finding someone to make you happy because that is too much to ask of anyone.You must be happy with yourself before you can have a healthy relationship.Sounds to me you need to give yourself some time to be alone and work on your self esteem and yourself as a person.If you do this your next relationship will have you wondering how you ever put up with this guy you so terribly miss right now.
Author hurting1712 Posted October 2, 2006 Author Posted October 2, 2006 You are good at advice giving:) . When we were talking before he left its like my conscious was telling me " let him go, let him go" but when he left I started shaking and my nerves were tore up. I believe what you say but its alot easier said than done. I am ok for a while and then I remember hes gone. I can see what I need to do but its a big mountain to climb and so hard to get the first step towards what needs to be done. And to top things off his friend just called me looking for him he said....but at 8 in the morning? He was like oh well that sucks what happened with you guys? That doesn't make too much sense to me. Anyway, I really do appreciate your advice......
scobro Posted October 2, 2006 Posted October 2, 2006 It is a lot easier said than done but I speak from experience.My wife ended our marriage out of the blue found someone else and was dating the guy in front of me while I still lived in our house.I ended up moving into an apartment alone and absolutely devistated.1 year later I can honestly say it's the best thing that could have happened to me.I worked on things to improve myself as a person and did things I never would have done if I was still with her.I actually forgave her and we are friends and realise she is not the woman for me at all, but at the time I would have eaten my left arm to get her back.Things happen for a reason and usually things like this help you grow as a person for the better.You will be fine just move on and become a better person from the experience.
Author hurting1712 Posted October 2, 2006 Author Posted October 2, 2006 I guess the hardest part is that I have been thru this kind of thing many times before...I was married also, and he cheated on me so I ended it and he now has a daughter with the girl he cheated on me with. So now its like my heart hurts worse because I know what I am going to have to go thru all over again...which really sucks. Maybe that is why I tried to hold on to him because I didnt want to be hurt again.
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