Author SUMMER 1969 Posted October 3, 2006 Author Posted October 3, 2006 Well I can tell you I have no intrest what so ever in dating anyone for awhile.. I want to be single now, and get over this pain, when I do and I meet the next man in my life I will be able to give him my whole heart.. My ex was a jerk, and I hope he grows up one day.. But I know I should not care about what he does, its his life and if he wants to treat people like trash.. well, it will come back and haunt him one day
Loserdude Posted October 3, 2006 Posted October 3, 2006 Summer, it is a question of definition (as well as other things). "Girlfriend" can mean many things. He may mean it to be the woman he sees on a regular basis and nothing more. Feelings aren't necessarily a part of it. Also, and this relates to something I just posted in another discussion, I think that men can have meaningless sex much more easily and readily than woman. I think that women tend to associate sex and love and merge the two, where men may not. Just a thought.
Author SUMMER 1969 Posted October 3, 2006 Author Posted October 3, 2006 Yeah, woman do get a lot of feelings for men they sleep with.. I just wish I would have known that he was just playing games with me rather then letting me think he actully cared for me.
Author SUMMER 1969 Posted October 3, 2006 Author Posted October 3, 2006 You are funny! But for whatever reason we love them! Can't live with them and can't live without them! lol
Loserdude Posted October 3, 2006 Posted October 3, 2006 Yeah, woman do get a lot of feelings for men they sleep with.. I just wish I would have known that he was just playing games with me rather then letting me think he actually cared for me. Yes, you're absolutely right. So now you learned a lesson about your feelings and what others are capable of doing with them. I wonder why you think he actually cared for you? Did he say so? Then yes, he was playing a game. But if he didn't and you never discussed it, then you should have brought it up.
Author SUMMER 1969 Posted October 3, 2006 Author Posted October 3, 2006 He did tell me he cared after he cheated on me.. I know, I am a fool
Loserdude Posted October 3, 2006 Posted October 3, 2006 No, not a fool. You'd be a fool if you didn't learn something from this. Just next time protect yourself and your feelings more. I'm not saying don't ever trust anyone, but make sure you understand where they're coming from first.
Guest Posted October 4, 2006 Posted October 4, 2006 My ex bf told me that he never loved me in our 1 1/2 relationship one month ago. It was really hard for me to accept what he said. He told me that he loved me and wanted to make it work. He told me that he could not live without me. He wanted to have a family with me. We even tried to have kids. During our 1 1/2 years, he went out dating and slept with a hooker. He always came back and told me that he had a commitment phobia. He wanted me to work with him and support him. I did... After all these, he told me that he did not have any problems. It was all because he did not love me. I did not know how I live through the past month. I felt very empty, used, pathetic and heartbroken. I have been seeing a psychologist, too. I felt that I was broken into pieces and a very huge piece has been blown away. I am getting a bit better, but not a whole lot. I still love him and miss him every sec. Do I want him back? I don't really know. I will take him back if he shows up in front of my door right now. But I also know we are not meant to be. Confused and in lots of pain... I guess my point is, things do happen and some ppl do like to play games. However, I don't regret loving him with all my heart and soul. It was something that I have never experienced before even though he was not in it. I will recover and learn from this experience. So, Summer, we will both grow stronger and hope to find the right person eventually...
D-Lish Posted October 4, 2006 Posted October 4, 2006 Guest, That's awful what he did. So many people have committment phobia. Men like that always return to your life- make sure you stand strong and turn him away- they never change.
Author SUMMER 1969 Posted October 4, 2006 Author Posted October 4, 2006 I agree, please do not go back to him, once a cheater always a cheater.. Hell, my ex gave me a std and I stayed, fell in love only to find out that he never loved me and never could.. He even told me One day he wants to have a family but not with me.. . Trust me, don't go back! If you do go back you will be in the same spot you are in right now.. Do not blame yourself either.. There is nothing you could have done to change on how he feels or why he did what he did.. I feel your pain, I really do.. I just wish I never fell in love with my ex, he did nothing but hurt me
SurvivingHB Posted October 4, 2006 Posted October 4, 2006 He actually went see his psychiatrist just to prove that he did not have commitment phobia. He just did not love me... We broke up at least 10 times during this 1 1/2 years. He said that he tried really hard to make it work, but he always had the anxiety when he was with me. Now that we are no longer together. He feels much happier. He said that i was everything he ever wanted. I have 6 figure income, independent, attractive, smart, simple, caring and very devoted. That's why he wanted to make it work. But he just could not fall in love with me. That's ok. I know that no one can force anyone to fall in love. I have been like a zombie at work. I felt I could not live through the pain. I was crying in my cubicle at times. But I am getting a bit better. At least I can eat now. It is still a long road for me to go, but I am gradually seeing the light. I don't blame him. Some men can live with a woman without loving them at all. I guess the same thing can apply to women. We just need to be careful out there... I am still counting the date to recovery. I hope that it will be less bumpy soon.
mental_traveller Posted October 4, 2006 Posted October 4, 2006 Is it possable for you to have a realtionship with a woman for a year, and not have any kind of feelings for her during that time, meaning you only look at her as a sex object? Keep this in mind, you both decided that you are boyfriend/girlfriend and you talk every single day and night.. Girls think different then men, so I would really like to hear a mans point of view on this.. Thank you, Summer Yes it's possible. He'd call you a girlfriend because that's what you were. NOT a fiancee, love of his life, future wife etc. His girlfriend.
Author SUMMER 1969 Posted October 4, 2006 Author Posted October 4, 2006 I know, a lot of people in this world can play games, and it really hurts.. I am having a hard time as well, but I will get over this, I am trying to eat and trying to sleep and trying to keep myself busy.. I don't know if you read my other post's but I wanted to die.. I really did, I felt like I had nothing to live for.. But I am glad this website is here and it has taught me that I am not the only one in pain or have a broken heart, its all about growing up.. We have a lot to give to this world and for that One man to make us feel so bad.. Well, they are not worth it.. If someone really loves you, they would not allow us to feel this way.. I know it is hard to be told that your man does not love you, trust me, I am dealing with this as well, but you know what, it was a lesson learned.. Now we both know what we don't want and what to look for in another man.. You seem like you have alot going for yourself, don't let him push you down so hard.. You are going to be okay and I will as well.. Its there loss that they let us go, and its there loss they never fell in love with us.. We are great people, and they don't deserve us.. But remember there is Karma and they will both get there turn for the heartbreaks... We are all here for you anytime you need to vent..
D-Lish Posted October 4, 2006 Posted October 4, 2006 The first week of my break up I was a complete and utter mess. Couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, couldn't go anywhere because I was always fighting back the tears. There's nothing worse than hearing someone you love tell you they don't love you back. I too heard the words- "I don't love you anymore, I"ve realized I've been miserable for months".... That killed me. I still hear those words- they still haunt me and affect my ego. Now? I still hurt, I still pine for him, but it's not as bad as it was initially. Some days are good, some aren't so good. Some days I love him like crazy, and other days I hate his guts for hurting me. It's all a healthy process that we must go through to move forward in our lives. I can't wait for the day when I'm not hoping for a phone call, or anticipating he might just stop by with flowers and beg me to take him back. I still hope for that- but the reality is setting in that it's not going to happen....ever. When someone says they don't love you- we have to take it at face value and grieve and get over it. Summer's right- this forum has played a vital and supportive role in venting feelings and helping the healing process along. Keep posting- get it all out, there are people listening. D
SurvivingHB Posted October 4, 2006 Posted October 4, 2006 It definitely helps to know that so many ppl are going through the same thing. I am not alone. I have a bigger problem, though. I am pregnant. Sad but true. I know that he would not want to be part of this baby's life. I don't even want to put his name as the father when the baby is born... Still struggling everyday. I realize that he would never be the right person for me, but I still love him like crazy. Only hope time will heal.
D-Lish Posted October 4, 2006 Posted October 4, 2006 You're pregnant??? Oh no... are you happy about it? Your story just keeps getting more heartbreaking! Hang in there. Does he know? If not, will you tell him? Wow, I'm sorry you're going through this. D
SurvivingHB Posted October 4, 2006 Posted October 4, 2006 Yeah, he knew. He did not want to be part of baby's life at all. He said it is my decision and my baby. I can decide to keep it or not. That proved that he really does not care... I want to keep this baby. It is a life and it is very precious to me... I am sure there are a lot of girls out there with the situation. Only hope to heal soon.
norajane Posted October 4, 2006 Posted October 4, 2006 Yeah, he knew. He did not want to be part of baby's life at all. He said it is my decision and my baby. I can decide to keep it or not. That proved that he really does not care... I want to keep this baby. It is a life and it is very precious to me... I am sure there are a lot of girls out there with the situation. Only hope to heal soon. Get in touch with a lawyer to make sure that you get all the child support that you are entitled to from the baby's father. I think you need to identify him as the father on the child's birth certificate for that, among other things.
D-Lish Posted October 4, 2006 Posted October 4, 2006 Surviving... It's good that you know what kind of person this man is- he has showed his true colours if he knows you are pregnant and chooses not to be involved. It's still really crappy to be in this situation. If he can't step up as a father- then, yes- you should seek financial support. A good friend of mine got pregnant and her boyfriend walked away from her- she chose not to seek financial support from him, and now she is struggling. I think she regrets not asking for support. SO, yes, seek out a lawyer and explore your options. I'm 36- and if I had happened to get preganant, I would have made the decision to keep the baby- mostly because I know it's getting down to the wire for me biologically! It's a tough decision to make- going it alone, but it's a noble one. Hang in there Surviving. DO you have friends and family available to support you through this? I hope so- it's important to have support at this time. This guy sounds like a real jack-a$$. D
SurvivingHB Posted October 4, 2006 Posted October 4, 2006 I don't have any family here, unfortunately. I do have a few friends, but they have always told me that he was not trustworthy and wanted me to break up with him long, long time ago. Especially after he flirted with one of my friends... I don't know how to break this news to them. One of the things that I did not understand. He said that he never loved me before and he is a lot happier without me, but he misses me everyday after we broke up. I know I should not think about it any more, but I am very puzzled.
Author SUMMER 1969 Posted October 4, 2006 Author Posted October 4, 2006 I am very sorry to hear everything that you are going through.. If you are to keep the baby, just make sure you are keeping the baby for the right reasons and not to get him back.. A lot of mothers are single and they do raise a baby on there own, so if you decide to keep this child, I am sure you will be okay.. As far as your friends telling you that you should never have dated your ex, well, then you tell them what is done is done.. If they don't understand that you loved your ex, then imo they are not true friends.. We are all here for you..
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