the_alchemyst Posted October 2, 2006 Posted October 2, 2006 Oh, I can't stop crying right now. I had such a horrible day: I was in bed almost all day because I have a terrible cold, and I felt really sad overall. And just now, I was browsing through the forums, and I got an email from him, which said: "Seriously xxxxxx, What have you done to me? Its been almost a month already but you still havent left my mind. why cant I just forget? Why do you enter my dreams at night and while I daydream in the day? And recently I saw the Movie Science of Sleep and even though its not the best movie I've ever seen, the movie reminds me alot of me and you... I felt really bad after seeing that movie last Friday... I dont know what Im going to do with you..." Why does he do this to me? He blocked me from his email and his messenger; He was the one who told me "it wasn't the same anymore"; he was the one who told me not to call; he was the one who told me to not go look for him; HE was the one who left. Why does he email me with this? I have respected his wishes--I have not emailed, called, visited, nothing. Does he think I am happy? Because I am not! I cry every single day and these stupid Lexapro pills don't do **** for me. I think about him all the time. I hardly go to school because I just can't function--I'm even considering dropping out. I'M the one smoking pot like there's no tomorrow because at least when I'm high I don't realy feel anything, except tiredness, so I just go to sleep to dream about nothing. I'M the one who can't stop shaking after this email. ME! And I may be on the verge of being destroyed, but I have not looked for him because he told me not to. I haven't . . . Why does he do this to me? Goodness knows it's so hard to me to get up everyday, knowing that I virtually have no family or friends, and that the only thing I look forward to is the next J. And my heart beats so freaking fast when I get like this, but honestly--right now I wish it would just explode. I'm not strong. I'm not composed. I'm not cool. I'm none of those things people see. I just suck it up and fake this all because it's easier than not doing so. But I just . . . I can't anymore. I can't, I can't, I can't . . .
Pyro Posted October 2, 2006 Posted October 2, 2006 Oh, I can't stop crying right now. I had such a horrible day: I was in bed almost all day because I have a terrible cold, and I felt really sad overall. And just now, I was browsing through the forums, and I got an email from him, which said: "Seriously xxxxxx, What have you done to me? Its been almost a month already but you still havent left my mind. why cant I just forget? Why do you enter my dreams at night and while I daydream in the day? And recently I saw the Movie Science of Sleep and even though its not the best movie I've ever seen, the movie reminds me alot of me and you... I felt really bad after seeing that movie last Friday... I dont know what Im going to do with you..." Why does he do this to me? He blocked me from his email and his messenger; He was the one who told me "it wasn't the same anymore"; he was the one who told me not to call; he was the one who told me to not go look for him; HE was the one who left. Why does he email me with this? I have respected his wishes--I have not emailed, called, visited, nothing. Does he think I am happy? Because I am not! I cry every single day and these stupid Lexapro pills don't do **** for me. I think about him all the time. I hardly go to school because I just can't function--I'm even considering dropping out. I'M the one smoking pot like there's no tomorrow because at least when I'm high I don't realy feel anything, except tiredness, so I just go to sleep to dream about nothing. I'M the one who can't stop shaking after this email. ME! And I may be on the verge of being destroyed, but I have not looked for him because he told me not to. I haven't . . . Why does he do this to me? Goodness knows it's so hard to me to get up everyday, knowing that I virtually have no family or friends, and that the only thing I look forward to is the next J. And my heart beats so freaking fast when I get like this, but honestly--right now I wish it would just explode. I'm not strong. I'm not composed. I'm not cool. I'm none of those things people see. I just suck it up and fake this all because it's easier than not doing so. But I just . . . I can't anymore. I can't, I can't, I can't . . . He misses you so, but he needs to realize that he is not helping you at all. He is being rather selfish. Here you are respecting his wishes, while you are hurting and then he decides to go against what he wished of you. I can understand how it hurts, but if you want to improve, you need to say bye to him. You need to ignore him in everyway. Good uck.
silentcharon Posted October 2, 2006 Posted October 2, 2006 Yes, tell him to leave you alone. Tell him you have respected his wishes not to contact him, tell him to do so for you. Read my threads, I had similiar problems with my ex, and still do. Except that it makes me angry when he contacts me.... acting as if everything is fine again. This is sooooo important, you HAVE to tell him to GO AWAY. You NEED the time to yourself to HEAL. He is the one who keeps picking your wounds open! God, it makes me so mad when people do this....
Mollyanna Posted October 2, 2006 Posted October 2, 2006 Oh hon, I am so sorry you are hurting. Wow, some of the things you said sounded like they were coming from MY head. I would love to get an email like that, but.... I also know it could only be a lure that will cause you more pain. He didn't ask for you back or promise you anything in that email. It sounded more like he was talking to himself - trying to sort things out. Let him. I can't tell you what to do, because I know what I would do is run crying to him and tell him how much he means to me. But we all know I am not in a healthy state right now... I will however say that you need to think about what you NEED in life - not what you want at THIS moment. Let him keep talking to himself. Tell him you respected his wishes and now he should respect yours and let you heal.
loveinlife Posted October 2, 2006 Posted October 2, 2006 Sorry to hear that you going through such hard time. It would hurt me to see my ex doing that. It'll make me think there is a second chance. Recently my ex told me she thinks about me as I am on her mind also. The rest of the comments were right, both our Sos are selfish. They just want us around until they feel comfortable enough to let go. They have their own problems themselves which they cannot solve, we are not obligated to help them unless one feels so. We are their safety net, people who will be around cause we have been too nice to them. Do they deserve such respect, the question is left for us to decide. I really hope you will do better, I know its a hard day and I know you are strong. You will eventually find that strength inside of you, that will tell you that there was a time I loved this person so much, but its okay, I fogive myself and him bc we didn't know what to do. One day it'll click and you will wonder what a foolish person we were. Until then, you and I and the rest of the people on LS have your back. Always there for you. Grey Goose Vodka sounds good to you?? You know im down for that! Take Care. Best wishes.
Author the_alchemyst Posted October 2, 2006 Author Posted October 2, 2006 Thanks for the replies. In my last email to him, I told him that I would not contact him in any way, if he so wished because I did not want to upset him in any way possible. I also told him that if he ever was in great need, he could call me. This is not a great need, and he knows it's not. I would love to get an email like that, but.... I also know it could only be a lure that will cause you more pain. He didn't ask for you back or promise you anything in that email. It sounded more like he was talking to himself - trying to sort things out. Let him. . You know, when I used to read threads about ex's sending emails and the like, I would think the same thing: that I would love to get an email like that. But you know what? No, you don't. It's way worse to receive these emails than to not receive them at all. I mean, look--it's almost 3 am and I can't sleep still because of this stupid email. This is not what I need at all, for sure. Also, I thought the same thing as you: It feels more like he's just voicing his thoughts out loud. But what I don't understand is why he wrote them down and sent them to me. What for? I don't need to know. And what's more--why does he even want me to know that he still thinks about me? Shouldn't he want me to think/know that he doesn't? I don't understand. For all I know, he still has my email blocked, and so my responce will never be read. So, I don't understand the point of this. What am I supposed to say, you know? It's kind of hurtful in a way, anyway, in the sense that he thinks that just because almost a month has elapsed, he should have forgotten all about me already. I don't know what to do. And I would cry and run to him, too, Molly, but I don't because this is just too much. It hurts too much. Way too much, so I just can't.
KittenMoon Posted October 2, 2006 Posted October 2, 2006 A- This is the act of someone who is too immature to realize the effects of his words on you. In his head, he only realizes the pain he feels, and has expressed it to you without provocation, not able to realize how much it will hurt you. This is not the level of emotional maturity that you need right now. I'm sorry he's doing this again... some people just do not get it at all. -KM
Pyro Posted October 2, 2006 Posted October 2, 2006 Thanks for the replies. So, I don't understand the point of this. What am I supposed to say, you know? I don't know what to do. And I would cry and run to him, too, Molly, but I don't because this is just too much. It hurts too much. Way too much, so I just can't. You don't say anything. You ignore his email and you need to put him on block. You need to ease the pain that you are having as much as possible and blocking him/ignore list will help considerably and is the best thing for you right now. Good luck alchemyst.
Ariadne Posted October 2, 2006 Posted October 2, 2006 Hi, But what I don't understand is why he wrote them down and sent them to me. What for? Because you guys have been doing this on and off thing for years now. I'd say that you like it even, Ariadne
Mollyanna Posted October 2, 2006 Posted October 2, 2006 But what I don't understand is why he wrote them down and sent them to me. What for? I don't need to know. And what's more--why does he even want me to know that he still thinks about me? Shouldn't he want me to think/know that he doesn't? I agree with LoveinLife about using you as a safety net. Maybe your ex sees that net is floating away because you haven't contacted him. So he needs to stir up the waters and see if it will start back in his direction. Because ONE DAY he might really need you and what if you are gone? Oh no! poor him. He is NOT thinking about your best interests - only what he wants. And isn't that why they break up with us in the first place, because they are only thinking about themselves? They don't want to care about us anymore. I hope he leaves you alone soon. I thought about what you said. Yes I would go absolutely crazy insane if my ex would write something like that. Right now even the smallest comments that I can read into, I stay up all night analyzing. You are right. Unless he really intends on loving me and offering me a serious commitment, I don't want a letter like that.
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