Wes Posted October 1, 2006 Posted October 1, 2006 Hey guys, I'm 21 and my gf of 1.5 years broke up with me back in August. At the time, I felt like we were a perfect match, so I was devistated when she ended things. She gave me some bull**** excuses, such as "you're too good for me" and "I want to see what else is out there while I'm still young", which I thought were contradictive, but I now realize she was just a coward (she broke up with me via text message). Anyway, the first month after the break up was naturally very hard for me. She was my first serious gf, my confidence and self-esteem had been destroyed, and I felt very alone and helpless. Two things helped me get through it all: 1. hanging out with my friends every single night, and 2. NC with my ex. After a month of these two things, I began to completely forget about my ex and how my life was when we were together, my confidence began to build up again, and I was realizing the benefits of not being with her anymore. I began to realize how ****ty she had treated me, especially during the last 2-3 months of our relationship, and I began to look around at other girls. And it was GREAT. Well, as I said, the first month after the break up was hard, but this past month has been much better. I have had a couple of prospects over the past few weeks with whom I talked to and got their numbers. However, after getting to know them, neither of them are really my type as far as a gf goes, so I am just friends with them. But the way I see it is that had my gf not broken up with me, I would not know these two cool girls, so my gain. Anyway, this brings me to the past week. It's now been two months since my break up, and besides making two new friends, I feel as though I have made zero progress as far as getting back into dating. I have more confidence in myself than I did two months ago, but I still get nervous when approaching girls. I wish I could go back to the mind set I had a month after my gf broke up with me, when I got two girls' numbers in a week. I feel like I'm stuck in a rut now. This past week, I have hardly seen any girls that catch my eye, and even when I do, I don't have the courage to go speak to them, and it makes me feel like such a loser. It was a 1 in a million chance the way I met my ex-gf, because she doesn't even live in my town, so I'm also having a hard time finding places to meet people. Music is my life, and a girl who is into good music is very attractive to me, so I am trying to find some good concerts to go to in the near future. So I'll see some good shows, and maybe even meet some cool birds while I'm there. Besides feeling like I'm stuck in a rut and not getting anywhere, my ex has tried to break NC with me about four times since she broke up with me. Every time she tried making contact with me, I ignored her. I got a phone call from her on my birthday last week, but I didn't answer it. She left a message asking me to call her back. I really didn't want to contact her, but I am a firm believer in taking the high road in everything I do. Besides, the way I see it is like this: 10 years from now, how will I want her to remember me? Will I want her to remember me as the ******* ex-bf who was bitter and mean, or the greatest guy she should have never broken up with? As mean as it sounds, I would prefer her to have the regret of breaking up with me. Anyway, I decided that the least I could do was send a text message saying thanks for wishing me a happy birthday, and that's ALL I said. So she sends one back saying how much she misses me and how she wants me to come visit her real soon. I replied and told her that wouldn't be a good idea to visit her any time soon, and that the most we'll ever be is friends. Well that was a week ago, and she hasn't left me alone since then. I think she thought she could break up with me, find someone better than me, and live happily ever after while I was miserable. In reality, it hasn't been as easy as she thought, and now she is realizing how special I was and what a mistake she's made. And the best part is that I'm not miserable....she is. I guess I'm making this topic to ask if anyone else has ever been in a situation like this, one in which you're over your ex, but you feel like you're in a rut as far as meeting other people goes. I've been feeling kind of lonely for the last week or so, so that doesn't help my situation any, plus I hate the depressing oncoming cold weather of the fall and winter seasons, so that has been bringing me down, too. Thanks to anyone who reads and/or replies to this.
josephskills Posted October 1, 2006 Posted October 1, 2006 Wes i know what you are going through! i went out with this one girl for 1 year and i thought we were perfect for each other so of course i saw her as much as i could which made me grow apart from the girls that were my friends and girls i could potentialy meet. Then like 6 months ago she asked me to come and see her and she said its over and made a stupid excuse saying we need to see other people so i said fine and just left. She really left me for another guy and she called me and said i made a mistake all this guy wants is sex and i was hopping that me and this guy would have what me and you had so lets try again of course i said no and i don't really talk to her anymore. I was very sad for about a month and a half until i finally got over her! I found this other girl who seemed to be interested in me but i don't think she is so i am also finding it difficult to find another girl but i believe that i will and you keep looking and im sure you will to you just have to be patient!
Walk Posted October 2, 2006 Posted October 2, 2006 Ironically, it seems in my experience that you have to stop wanting to find someone before someone will show up. Then they appear in swarms.. But when you're feeling a little desperate and lonely, seems as if people scatter to get away from you. Word of advice, don't go see the ex out of lonliness... Don't go see her period. No offense, but you'll look like a desperate loser if you drive out to see her after she dumped you. If she really knows she made a mistake, and does want you back, then there better be a show of effort on her part... ie, she better offer to drive to see you.. not the other way around. Especially if she lives out of town. Dont' be that desperate that you cave and drive out to see her. I think she's testing to see if you're miserable and lonely and she wants to have a little fun jerking your chain again. Anyway.. if you want to find a good person to date, then find some peace inside yourself with your life. You have to be happy with how your life is now, in order to attract someone.. not attract someone in order to be happy with your life. Wont' work that way...
Author Wes Posted October 2, 2006 Author Posted October 2, 2006 Ironically, it seems in my experience that you have to stop wanting to find someone before someone will show up. Then they appear in swarms.. But when you're feeling a little desperate and lonely, seems as if people scatter to get away from you. Word of advice, don't go see the ex out of lonliness... Don't go see her period. No offense, but you'll look like a desperate loser if you drive out to see her after she dumped you. If she really knows she made a mistake, and does want you back, then there better be a show of effort on her part... ie, she better offer to drive to see you.. not the other way around. Especially if she lives out of town. Dont' be that desperate that you cave and drive out to see her. I think she's testing to see if you're miserable and lonely and she wants to have a little fun jerking your chain again. Anyway.. if you want to find a good person to date, then find some peace inside yourself with your life. You have to be happy with how your life is now, in order to attract someone.. not attract someone in order to be happy with your life. Wont' work that way... Wow, that really helps. Thanks. Yeah, I have no desire to go see my ex, no matter how lonely I get. I'm trying to be nice about it all, but I'm this close to saying "If you really want to see me, come down here....otherwise, leave me the f*ck alone." I know how she is, and you're right, she likes to have control of people and jerk their chains, especially guys. It's ironic that you say I should stop wanting to find someone, because that's actually how I found my ex. I looked and looked, and finally gave up on looking, and like three days later, I met her. Thanks again for all your input.
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