tonyeltiger Posted October 1, 2006 Posted October 1, 2006 Hey there everyone, here's my dilema. I've been dating my current girl for 3 years now. It's been my longest relationship and we've went through a lot together. However, since about a year and a half into the relationship, I realized that I do not want to spend the rest of my life with her. I actually broke up with her at this time because of other reasons, (her being overly-attached, possesive, and insanely jealous of other girls). But of course all this happened only to find myself taking her back 3 days later ><. We have a semi-long distance relationship going now (about 2 hours), and I feel pretty bad about my current position. I still do not want to be with her. I would love to be friends, but I cannot be the man she wants me to be. We have become very different people. And I find myself considering another girl to be much more suited for me. I'm not so much conserned about this other girl than I am about being in this stressful relationship. I just worry about my current girl's taking of a breakup. She is very attached, and is to the point that I don't know if she would do something bad or crazy if I broke it off. How would you suggest me breaking up? Also, how can I make it easier for her? I just don't think it is fair for me to be with her when I can see myself with this other woman and have no ambition or desire to fulfill her dreams of marriage. Thanks for your understanding and help.
Heart66 Posted October 1, 2006 Posted October 1, 2006 Okay...Im not understanding. Why, if you knew 1.5 yrs into the relationship that this wasn't the person for you--did you stay an additional year and a half??? That was really unfair & selfish of you to lead her on and let her believe she was growing towards her desire to be married. And now you wonder why she's overly attatched? She's IN love with you, and youre not in love with her! Hello McFly! There really isn't anything you can do to soften the blow. You allowed things to get to the level that they are at, and thats on you. So deal with it when she cries--cuz YOU did it! Its a bit too late to be concerned about not wanting to hurt her. Just explain that your heart is not in the same place as hers, and it would be best for both of you to move forward. With you living 2 hours apart, leave her alone. Let her heal. Contacting her, or allowing her to contact you is only going to make it harder. That really is all you can do, as seeing you should have had this conversations a year and a half ago. Yes, she's going to be very upset. But the longer you wait to tell her that youre not in love with her, the worse/harder its going to get. In the future you might want to be more honest in your relationship. This could have been avoided had you told her how you felt when you first realized your true feelings. Perhaps her feelings weren't this deep that long ago. Sorry if I sound harsh...but as a woman, I am SICK of men who can't man up and tell the woman whats REALLY going on in the relationship BEFORE major feelings have developed and love falls into play.
pricillia Posted October 1, 2006 Posted October 1, 2006 Okay...Im not understanding. Why, if you knew 1.5 yrs into the relationship that this wasn't the person for you--did you stay an additional year and a half??? That was really unfair & selfish of you to lead her on and let her believe she was growing towards her desire to be married. And now you wonder why she's overly attatched? She's IN love with you, and youre not in love with her! Hello McFly! There really isn't anything you can do to soften the blow. You allowed things to get to the level that they are at, and thats on you. So deal with it when she cries--cuz YOU did it! Its a bit too late to be concerned about not wanting to hurt her. Just explain that your heart is not in the same place as hers, and it would be best for both of you to move forward. With you living 2 hours apart, leave her alone. Let her heal. Contacting her, or allowing her to contact you is only going to make it harder. That really is all you can do, as seeing you should have had this conversations a year and a half ago. Yes, she's going to be very upset. But the longer you wait to tell her that youre not in love with her, the worse/harder its going to get. In the future you might want to be more honest in your relationship. This could have been avoided had you told her how you felt when you first realized your true feelings. Perhaps her feelings weren't this deep that long ago. Sorry if I sound harsh...but as a woman, I am SICK of men who can't man up and tell the woman whats REALLY going on in the relationship BEFORE major feelings have developed and love falls into play. No one is perfect and he did break up with her. It is not easy to break up with someone that is needy or that will not get the hint. Maybe for this couple it is the beginning of the end, some times things just don't end cleanly and it may take some time. As far as him "maning up" that is what he is trying to do. As far as him staying longer in the relationship it is a LDR and these relationships are different then regular relationships, things happen at a slower pace.
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