Luzzinit Posted October 1, 2006 Posted October 1, 2006 I'm not sure how to feel about something that happened last week. I've been with my boyfriend for three years. He's really understanding, and I thought that he trusted me. Last week I was out of town, visiting a friend. We went out to a bar with about 8 of her friends, and drank too much beer. We lost track of the time and missed the last metro train to her house, so we just stayed at the bar. By the end of the night, it was just me, my friend, and her (male) friend. When they closed, we discussed taking a taxi, but the drive would be an hour and a half, not to mention the cost, not even to mention the danger of two girls getting in a taxi together in the middle of the night in a high crime-rate area. So her friend offered to let us stay at his house. He let us take the bed, and he slept on his couch. I never lie or cover things up from by bf (like there was anything to cover up!), so of course I told him where we had stayed the night. He was really upset! He was upset first of all that we had gone home with a guy, but I reassured him there was nothing "romantic" going on. He feels that even if I didn't go there with the intention of sleeping with this guy, I had been drinking and he didn't want me to be in a situation where inhibitions might be lowered, or where I might black out. He was also upset that I had slept in his bed. He said he thinks it's inappropriate for me to sleep in another man's bed. My argument was that, without that guy in it, it's just a bed. It's not like I was sleeping next to him. I understand him not wanting me to be in a situation where I could be taken advantage of. But I'm an adult, and I never felt like I was in a bad situation. I had been drinking, but I wasn't drunk enough to black out. I felt like I was in control and coherent the whole time. Plus I trust my friend, and her judgement in the types of people she is friends with. So what does everybody think? Should he trust me, or does he have a right to be angry? I'm not sure how to approach the conversation about this with him...
tikigods Posted October 1, 2006 Posted October 1, 2006 I actually don't think he has a right to be angry, maybe a little that you guys lost track of time or were in a bad neighborhood without anything as a backup alone, but the fact of the matter is that you took care of the situation and nothing happened.
insomnie Posted October 1, 2006 Posted October 1, 2006 Yah, he shouldn't be very angry, expecially if you've never cheated on him or anything in the past. I mean, what were you supposed to do? Sleep in the street? This was the safest option given the circumstances.
Rooster_DAR Posted October 1, 2006 Posted October 1, 2006 Actually I don't blame him on being a little concerned, but as long as you explain the situation he should be able to let it go. If he were to forget the train, and stay at some girls house after drinking while sleeping in her bed, would it bother you?
catgirl1927 Posted October 2, 2006 Posted October 2, 2006 I don't blame him for his concern at all. If you step back and look at your story, it does sound kind of fishy. It is pretty inappropriate, and it's irresponsible to get so hammered that you can't make it home. But, it sounds like it was just a one time thing, so as long as it never happens again, at least now you know it's not ok with him.
littlekitty Posted October 2, 2006 Posted October 2, 2006 I'm not particularly jealous, but I'm not sure I'd be 100% happy about the situation if the tables were turned and he did that to me. I think I would also probably take the expensive taxi home, rather than put myself in a position that my SO probably wouldn't be 100% comfortable with.
Buttaflyy Posted October 2, 2006 Posted October 2, 2006 I also understand his concern, but I do understand your point as well. In a relationship there should automatically be some degree of trust, especially if there is no cause for there not to be. I think that he had right to be alarmed, he's stated his point you stated yours and hopefully you both can move on from it. What did he mean by the statement he'll never be able to trust? Maybe he's holding onto something that happened to him in a previous relationship? Sometimes, men who say this can seem to blame you for what someone else has done to them. Either way, you should let him know that he has no reason not to trust you, and you are completely honest with him. He should be able to get over this. Afterall, how much can you trust someone who doesn't trust you?
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