Tangerina Posted October 1, 2006 Posted October 1, 2006 Well, after a year and 3 months things finally ended with me and my ex. From being on this website a lot in the past I heard people talking about how sometimes people get over a person while they are still together and that is why they seem to be over them so heartlessly easy when it really ends. Thing is, I think both of us did this so when it actually ended it was just a little hiccup and then things were relatively ok. I think that ever since he tried to break up with me for the first time (and then changed his mind) about 5 months ago I had started feeling less than secure and happy and had started to build a little protective shield in front of my heart. Yet we continued to try to make things work. Then about 2 months ago I asked him if he was happy and his response was "I don't know if I want to keep being together at the end of the summer" We had been doing an LDR during the school year and it worked out pretty well since we only lived 3 hours apart and both had good friends in both cities, plus my family lives right in the middle so we met at my parents house as well. I moved to his city for the summer since I had lived there before so we could be together and I was all for doing the LDR again. The past summer he had totally been the one who had asked for the LDR, but this summer he said nothing about it and had stopped talking about the future in other ways. So after he said the thing about not knowing, I guess that is when I started to build up more protection around my heart but I did manage to convince myself that I should stay with him because since he did "not know" if he wanted to be together, then maybe he needed more time to figure it out. I now realize (of course) that he wouldn't have said that unless he knew he didn't want to be together, he was just scared to end it. But after reading the book "Why Men Marry Bitches" and really looking at his actions and steping back and taking a lot more space for myself, I saw to what degree his heart really wasn't in it and how intensely he was fantasizing about being single and that there was no way he would muster the interest for an LDR again and I realized I had fallen out of love with him and wasn't getting what I wanted from the relationship so I told him I was unhappy and told him why and he never tried to contradict me or win me over. I wasn't even really planning on breaking up with him at this time, he just needed to know how unhappy I was, but when he didn't say anything to convince me that he was still interested there was no way I could continue to be with him so I just ended with "Well, this isn't what I'm looking for." We were on vaccation visiting my cousin so this was a bit awkward since we were stuck on a road trip with our friend, but I asked if I could borrow the car and I got prettied up and took myself out to dinner. I listened to Alanis Morrisette in the car and cried, but I don't think I was even sad, just emotional. I went and threw a few trinkets from him into the ocean (I kept the really meaningful stuff, I always keep important things from people, but I threw in a few symbolic things) and then I had dinner and a glass of wine and called a few girlfriends and at that point, just an hour later, I realized that I was already over it. And I think he is too, it is what he wanted afterall, I was just the one who had to call it off. It has only been two weeks, and during that time little things like getting an e-mail from him or talking about it with a friend will trigger a bit of emotion, but really I am over it to a degree that is kind of shocking knowing how poorly I have taken break-ups in the past. I think it was just so obviously over, and I had been getting over it for a while before it ended, and I was the one who officially ended it (even though it was mutual) so I felt powerful in the situation.... so now it just feels good to not have the complication and worry and disappointment of a failing relationship in my life. But it is really surprising to me just how right it feels and how little regret I have gievn how into this person I was just recently. I think it is a case of the heart and brain actually working together for once and creating a situation and reaction that really is right for me. (Separated into paragraphs by Moderator)
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