luvstarved Posted October 1, 2006 Posted October 1, 2006 Yes yes it is me again picking other people's minds while I analyze my own situation! Here is my next question...for those ever involved in affairs... Was the attraction to the other person based on anything relative to your spouse? I suppose this can be all over the map based on individual circumstances, so let's narrow it down. I am not talking about situations in which somebody is just unfaithful "by nature" and takes what they can get, i.e. are interested in anyone that is willing... I am talking about EAs that lead to PAs...and whether there is any relationship between the traits of the spouse vs the OM/OW? Sorry to say, I HAVE in the past been involved in affairs (not since being with my H though) and for me it tended to be people that were a CONTRAST to things I disliked about my SO. I suppose in other situations it would be someone LIKE your SO who is willing to fulfill needs not being met at home. But I am wondering whether one is really more common than the other. In short, what attracted you to the OW/OM and was this DIFFERENT from your spouse or LIKE your spouse, only with certain needs being met... Thanks again for any responses!
Author luvstarved Posted October 1, 2006 Author Posted October 1, 2006 Also wanted to mention the third possibiility,,,that there was no particular correlation to the spouse but there were certain circumstances that brought you together...thx again...
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted October 1, 2006 Posted October 1, 2006 I'm bored out of my mind right now, so I'll give this a try. It is certainly a good question, and one that I often ponder on myself. I consider myself relatively lucky in that I have a faithful H and everything that a W would want, material-wise. I have beautiful children. I am smart and pretty. So, for the longest time, I have no interest in any man other than my H. But after I had my 3rd child, I noticed that my H was not helping me as much as I'd like. He was absent during most of the days, coming home only after the kids are already in bed! I was not happy about that. I asked for help, and instead of helping me and being their for me, he hired "helpers" - a nanny, a housecleaner, a babysitter. In some days, there would be all these people coming in an out of MY house! Instead of feeling at peace, I actually felt more alone and frustrated. I felt completely invisible because my needs were not heard by my H. I needed his physical presence, not these 'helpers'. So when his friend was at our place for 2 weeks, his friend filled that 'need' in me. He was always present and he paid alot of attention to me. He adores me, like I were somebody important. Of course, the fact that he's great looking and a perfect charmer didn't hurt! In short, I'd say that attraction between person A and B can be formed as follows: 1. Person A is starving for love, and 2. a source of this love is identified in person B.
Yamaha Posted October 1, 2006 Posted October 1, 2006 From a male point for view, I think affairs for alot of men are just a diversion from their ho-hum life. You have talked to your SO and they know every story you've ever told and they you. You see an attractive women ( at work or when you are out with the guys ) and you want to see if you still have it. Not condoning it but I think it happens this way more than people would be willing to admit.
LakesideDream Posted October 1, 2006 Posted October 1, 2006 Original attraction, whether married, single, whatever the situation is based on endorphines released into the brain. A person sees something, chemicals released... bingo. Males have higher levels of endorphine release because it's good for the species, wider gene pool = healthier gene pool. Of course this isn't a great idea in modern society. The catch is mammals evolve slowly. Our bodies are still controlled by insticts and reflexes 50,000+ years old that are not relevent to modern conditions. Thus education and conditioning become more important as time goes on. Which brings up another point/problem. Conditioning took a big dive in the 1960's. What was unheard of behavior for your grandparents, is common place today.
stoopid_guy Posted October 2, 2006 Posted October 2, 2006 In short, I'd say that attraction between person A and B can be formed as follows: 1. Person A is starving for love, and 2. a source of this love is identified in person B. Perfect summary! Person A would also have to find person B sexually desireable though, and expect person B to fill needs unmet by the spouse.
OceanBlue Posted October 2, 2006 Posted October 2, 2006 From a male point for view, I think affairs for alot of men are just a diversion from their ho-hum life. You have talked to your SO and they know every story you've ever told and they you. You see an attractive women ( at work or when you are out with the guys ) and you want to see if you still have it. I think that the above is more the one night stand PA. In my situation, I am the complete opposite of W. From hair & skin colors, height & physical build, careers & personality, independent vs. dependent. Everything is completely different.
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