Vhann Posted September 30, 2006 Posted September 30, 2006 Met this amazing girl 4 years ago. Has all the qualitied in a girl i wanted and more. We date for 2 1/2 years which were the best years in my life. Everything in common and enjoy all the same stuff. Same car, same college you get the picture. She dumps me cuz she said i am immature. a few days later gets with this other guy. everyday she emails me telling me she misses me and wants to get back together. She finally dumps him and comes crying to me. Of course I love this girl more than anything so i listen to her. we hang out for 2 weeks before getting back together. Dated for a year and i was consdiering proposing and everything. I screw up and lie about some stuff and apparently am still immature. She finds out i was talking to girls on myspace so i delete it and promise never to do it again (which i dont). Someone sends her "proof" that i cheated on her but i never did. She asks about this party and why didnt i tell her there were girls there. they all had their bfs there so i guess i just didnt consider it a problem. never cheated on her but she thinks so. So a few days after my bday she leaves me with the "i need time alone and to do something for myself" this girl has met my family and i have met hers and i was about to propose. we are done now and i have been crying non-stop since then... so now shes calling me up but im TOO scared to answer. i dont wanna hear another guy in the background or anything. I love her so much and I want the hurting to end. I dont want her to hurt and I dont want to either. I apologized to her for everything i ever did and promised i would grow up and not take her for granted but i guess it didnt work. i was sincere about it. so now im all alone and scared and she keeps calling me. we used to talk every night and i guess she still wants to but i dont know if i should answer and what that means. she said she needs to be alone right now and later on maybe we can work things out. im scared tho. should i answer? what does this mean?
dreamguy Posted October 1, 2006 Posted October 1, 2006 Vhann, I don't know you enough to judge whether or not you were acting in an immature way with your gf. But if you were, you need to stop doing that because you will push away any girl that might come into your life. Now let's move on to some of the things she said: She asks about this party and why didnt i tell her there were girls there. Is she for real ?? I mean what party doesn't include girls ? Ok so there are plenty of girls at that party... so what ? It doesn't mean you cheated on her ! Your girl seems to have serious insecurity problems pal ! You shouldn't have accepted to take her back when she dumped that guy and came crying to you. By doing that you conveyed the message: "Hey I will always be here for you even when you mistreat me or leave me for another man". And that my friend is a big NO NO NO ! Never ever let someone take your presence for granted. The moment they do you lose ALL their respect and their feelings for you gradually start to deteriorate. I'm not telling you to be a jerk and never be there for her. I'm telling you not to UNCONDITIONALLY be there for her. Especially not when she dates another guy! If you keep doing that, in the hope that she will finally come to her senses and say "Oh my God! Vhann is such a nice man. How could I have been so blind!" let me tell you that you are in for a big disappointment. She will keep on dating other guys and she will only TEMPORARILY come to you for comforting when her heart is broken only to leave you again when the next interesting guy comes along. I dont wanna hear another guy in the background or anything. I love her so much and I want the hurting to end. You should never worry if there's another guy in the picture. What you should worry about is your own behavior when you're around her! Many women leave their guy even when there's no one else to date. They leave because the guy they are dating has turned into a WUSS (no confidence, weak, needy and insecure). Day by day, their interest level in that guy drops until it goes below 50%... then BAM!! You've passed the point of no return. She's gone! Men just don't get it... If you act with extreme confidence and you have your act together (the opposite of being immature and needy) it will be very difficult for your woman to become attracted to another man and leave you. she said she needs to be alone right now and later on maybe we can work things out. Ok, now she said that and you have two options: 1) Keep pursuing her (sending gifts, calling, going to see her, apologizing, expressing your feelings again and again...) and you will certainly lose her. If you don't believe me... just keep chasing her and see the result. 2) Stop contacting her (no phone calls, no text msgs, no emails...) and she might come back. If she does you would have won (but you'll need to ask yourself if that's the woman you really want before you take her back). If she doesn't then you also would have won because she would have given you hell if you had stayed with her and married her. Only answer her calls (Not all of them. Sometimes just let the phone ring and pretend you were busy with something) when you are certain you will have enough strength not to mention your feelings, the past or anything that makes you come across as the needy and immature guy that pushed her away in the first place. And when you do answer, make sure to be the one to hang up first without agreeing to talk again. Keep her guessing! Say something like: "Hey it was nice to hear from you again but I really gotta get going. I have to do [insert activity here]"
Sand&Water Posted October 1, 2006 Posted October 1, 2006 Vhann, If I may ask: What exactly do you do, that shows your immaturity? Listen to dreamguy. He hit a few nails on the head. Especially with this one... Men just don't get it... If you act with extreme confidence and you have your act together (the opposite of being immature and needy) it will be very difficult for your woman to become attracted to another man and leave you. I absolutely do not mean to be rude, or harsh, but you seem like a man without a backbone. You must show some sort of order, to attract the woman back. In order for you to not come across as immature you should not hesitate when interacting with the girl. Don't change your mind, to satisfy her needs. [Only once in awhile.] Secondly, have a routine/schedule which you must follow, so that you can arrange your life in accordance to your preferences and needs of you and your friends. Do not slack off. Pretend, as though, you have an agenda for the relationship. Be the man, with full knowledge of the past, and events/issues that might arise in the relationship. Women are attracted to concrete men. Men who have a solid background in their day-to-day life. Women are not attracted to "Water-like" men -who possess too much fluidity. Something to consider. Sand&Water
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