RyTom21 Posted September 30, 2006 Posted September 30, 2006 My question is simple... Here's the Scenario: I meet a woman that I am attracted to, and I want to take her out on a date. I also want to leave open the possibility for a relationship to blossom. What are some tips that will help me avoid hearing these 4 words: "Let's just be friends"
Island Girl Posted September 30, 2006 Posted September 30, 2006 Ask very clearly for a date. If she is interested, she says yes, and you then have the door open to get to know her along with the possibility of a relationship to blossom. Too many times guys now-a-days spend time with a girl getting to know her doing 'friend' things but hoping for more. This is how they end up the friend that will NEVER be viewed as a boyfriend. They are too afraid of rejection and really believe that 'even if she doesn't want to date me she will after we get to know eachother'. It almost NEVER happens.
luvtoto Posted September 30, 2006 Posted September 30, 2006 In the beginning of a relationship, don't have any lunchtime or daytime dates. Keep the getting-to-know-each-other time for romantic evenings alone.
quietintrovertgirl Posted September 30, 2006 Posted September 30, 2006 Some woman will knows if you're going to be her friend or lover by the first 1-3 dates.It doesn't matter if you have lunch date ,daytime date or evening date.We know when a man will only be just a friend to us.
Yamaha Posted September 30, 2006 Posted September 30, 2006 Ask her on a date and get to know her during the dating process. Let her know she's sexy and you feel romantically towards her.
luvtoto Posted September 30, 2006 Posted September 30, 2006 It doesn't matter if you have lunch date ,daytime date or evening date.We know when a man will only be just a friend to us. Those first few dates are crucial for developing a connection. I dated a guy once that I was initially interested in, but we were never in a place where we could connect. First date was a lunch date. Second date was another lunch date. Third date was over at his friends to watch a football game. After that...I just put him in the friend zone. Nothing was happening.
gfto Posted September 30, 2006 Posted September 30, 2006 What are some tips that will help me avoid hearing these 4 words: "Let's just be friends" Be confident and funny. Keep it very light. No serious subjects. Under no circumstances should you talk about the last time you got dumped by a girl. And, don't spill your guts to her about how wonderful you think she is and how you hope things blossom into a relationship. Just relax and have fun. She has to like you first, and if she likes you, you'll know it.
Rooster_DAR Posted September 30, 2006 Posted September 30, 2006 Definately don't spill your guts, and keep personal trials and tribulations to a very minimum. Regards,
Hitman10000 Posted September 30, 2006 Posted September 30, 2006 Those first few dates are crucial for developing a connection. I dated a guy once that I was initially interested in, but we were never in a place where we could connect. First date was a lunch date. Second date was another lunch date. Third date was over at his friends to watch a football game. After that...I just put him in the friend zone. Nothing was happening. Well that's YOUR EXPERIENCE. The first date can be whatever it is but it must be casual and light the first couple of times. It's up to the guy to make the moves cause like in your case you just didn't feel his sexual desirability in you and it's very unfortunate that you had to write him off like that but then you listened to your gut.
alphamale Posted September 30, 2006 Posted September 30, 2006 What are some tips that will help me avoid hearing these 4 words: "Let's just be friends" Be masculineTake chargeBe dominantDon't take any krap from herRember she's just one fish in the seaBe a challenge
luvtoto Posted September 30, 2006 Posted September 30, 2006 Well that's YOUR EXPERIENCE. The first date can be whatever it is but it must be casual and light the first couple of times. It's up to the guy to make the moves cause like in your case you just didn't feel his sexual desirability in you and it's very unfortunate that you had to write him off like that but then you listened to your gut. Uh, yea, that was MY EXPERIENCE. Are my tips to the OP not good?? TIPS!! I said TIPS! Haha!
Pyro Posted September 30, 2006 Posted September 30, 2006 My question is simple... Here's the Scenario: I meet a woman that I am attracted to, and I want to take her out on a date. I also want to leave open the possibility for a relationship to blossom. What are some tips that will help me avoid hearing these 4 words: "Let's just be friends" Try and make the date as romantic as you can. Flirt with her while on the date, but at the same time get to know her as well.
nicki Posted September 30, 2006 Posted September 30, 2006 Aw, just go out and have fun! Make it a fun date by going somewhere like a festival or a fair. Dinner and long conversations over a white table cloth on the first date are way over-rated. I prefer more action-oriented first dates. It's easier to talk and walk. I still remember the guy who took me go-cart racing on our first date. Fun! Sporting events are way up there, too. Cheering and drinking beer is just plain good old bonding for any two people.(But you might want to check with her first on that one in case she hates sports.) While you are out, get to know her. Pretend she is a subject that you want to learn more about. Ask questions. Share who YOU are with her. Be sure to compliment her at least once on what she is wearing (preferably when you pick her up for the date.) Maybe even throw in another compliment later on something she has said, or her eyes. Anything that shows you notice her individuality. Don't go overboard, though. If you are nervous about conversation, try first talking about the immediate things around you. Comment on something like the game you are at, or something you see at the fair. Then you can build from there. Show her your good manners, like getting her door, chair, etc. Act a little protective of her. Pull the car around if it's raining so she won't get wet, or anything that takes care of her. Be the one in charge who handles the restaurant details, gets the tickets, talks to the clerks. Also, let her catch you checking her out once or twice (not in a lewd way, but in a subtle way.) And, if after all that, she does says those dreaded words "Lets be friends," Just say, "Naw, I've got a lot of friends. Take care." Then smile and walk away. Don't sweat it. You don't share the same values. Sometimes there is a connection, and sometimes there isn't. Just say no to friendship only. It's funny, but a guy once told me "no" to my offer of friendship. His refusal to be just a friend made me realize I wanted to keep spending time with him. And I liked his take-charge attitude. It made him more attractive to me. I liked that he wouldn't compromise his stand just to stay in my life while I dated other guys...so we ended up dating for a while. Face it, you aren't going to connect with every woman. There will be some YOU won't want to continue getting to know. All you can do right now is make it clear that you are asking this woman out on a DATE. Then see what happens. And, Rooster is right. Keep personal trials and tribulations to minimum on the first few dates. No crying about exes. In fact, no talk about the exes at all. Women need to be attracted to your strengths, passions and dreams first, and then they will grow to care about your vulnerabilities. Sorry this is so long. I am FULL of hot air today! Hope it helps in some way.
Rooster_DAR Posted September 30, 2006 Posted September 30, 2006 Definately don't spill your guts, and keep personal trials and tribulations to a very minimum. Regards, BTW, the above statement only holds true for someone your interested in. I just went out on a lunch date with a girl that likes me, so I did the opposite and talked about how new my wounds are and how I got screwed by my ex. I did this because I am not very interested in her, and hope she will put me in friend zone.
Yamaha Posted October 1, 2006 Posted October 1, 2006 And, if after all that, she does says those dreaded words "Lets be friends," Just say, "Naw, I've got a lot of friends. Take care." Then smile and walk away. Don't sweat it. You don't share the same values. Sometimes there is a connection, and sometimes there isn't. Just say no to friendship only. I hope every guy takes notice of this and follows its advice. Do not become friends just to be around her. Say "thanks but no thanks" and continue on your way.
Rooster_DAR Posted October 1, 2006 Posted October 1, 2006 I agree, usually guys do this because they are holding on to a hope that will probably never transpire.
nicki Posted October 1, 2006 Posted October 1, 2006 But Rooster, she might think you are a wonderful "project" and try to heal your wounds with her looooove. Yeah, Yamaha. If she puts you in the friends holding pen, just keep on walking.
luvtoto Posted October 1, 2006 Posted October 1, 2006 I agree, usually guys do this because they are holding on to a hope that will probably never transpire. IMO!..... Yes, this is a very good point, Rooster. I was asked out by a coworker once. He was the one I was talking about earlier (the lunch dates). I really liked him and was attracted to him. But, things didn't transpire. Now, that we ARE still good friends and around each other often, he still tries. So, the "just friends" idea is a bad thing to pursue. ...IMO!
Rooster_DAR Posted October 1, 2006 Posted October 1, 2006 This reminds of a story of a best female friend of mine. She and I met (as friends only) and I wound up living with her for years. We did everything together, and it was awesome to have a female friend like that. Once in a while her ex husband would stop by and do something for her, like work on her vehicle or something of that nature. She told me that they were divorced and where great friends, which seemed to be true due to the things he did for her. Now that I'm reflecting back, he went out of his way for her to do something she needed done. Kinda sad, but I think he was really hanging around in hopes that someday she would lose the party girl personality and perhaps she would see him in a new light again. Honestly, I think I've always hoped the would get back to together evenutally, but I just don't think it happens very often. I have not talked with her in years, but my guess is her ex H probably gave up after many years. Although it would be pretty cool if all those years of persistence open her eyes and they re-married. (Only in the movies though) Cya!
Yamaha Posted October 1, 2006 Posted October 1, 2006 Yes. It's amazing (to men) that when women put you in the friends zone you are never seen in a romantic way again. They can genuninely like you but the romance switch is turned off as far as your concerned. If romance is your goal your better ending the friendship that hoping for a women to change her mind. Guys do not understand this concept but it is a fact of life and one that men need to get in their heads. It is a fundamental difference in the thinking between men and women. If you want romance you better get your intentions on the table at first when she might be open to the idea. If you try and slide in on the friends concept she will feel betrayed when you hit her up for romance.
Rooster_DAR Posted October 1, 2006 Posted October 1, 2006 Yes. It's amazing (to men) that when women put you in the friends zone you are never seen in a romantic way again. They can genuninely like you but the romance switch is turned off as far as your concerned. If romance is your goal your better ending the friendship that hoping for a women to change her mind. Guys do not understand this concept but it is a fact of life and one that men need to get in their heads. It is a fundamental difference in the thinking between men and women. If you want romance you better get your intentions on the table at first when she might be open to the idea. If you try and slide in on the friends concept she will feel betrayed when you hit her up for romance. I guess this opens some questions regarding my disposition, you input would be appreciated. (Keep in mind she has had past issues with severe depression, which she claims she is going through again) I recently went through a breakup with my ex because she became someone I didn't know anymore, and I really believe she had fallen for someone else (no real proof though). Long story short, I got tired of the contradictions and secrecy that I was enduring so I had to move out. Anyway, before things got bad she stated "I love you but I'm not in love with you" which I understand usually is the end of a relationship. However, she came home from work one day and saw a website I had left up on my computer about how to breakup with someone. She was distraught and confronted me about it. I told her that I wanted to move on because she was wrecking me emotionally with the rollercoaster ride. After I finally did move out, I came to get the rest of my belongings from the house. When I walked in she was crying incessantly on the couch, and watching the first movie we saw together as a couple. She kept grabbing my hand and saying she didn't want to lose me and didn't understand why I was doing this. She would say she doesn't want to lose me, and does not want me to find somebody else. The next day the whole thing would be different, and she would saying things like "Let's be friends, you don't know what the future can hold". It was I love you so much one minute, then I can't be with you right now. I guess I'm trying to validate my interpretation of the whole thing, and I think just was just not into me anymore and perhaps was having some sort of affair. (Or is she just really messed up mentally and completely confused?) Regards,
Yamaha Posted October 1, 2006 Posted October 1, 2006 I guess this opens some questions regarding my disposition, you input would be appreciated. (Keep in mind she has had past issues with severe depression, which she claims she is going through again) I recently went through a breakup with my ex because she became someone I didn't know anymore, and I really believe she had fallen for someone else (no real proof though). Long story short, I got tired of the contradictions and secrecy that I was enduring so I had to move out. Anyway, before things got bad she stated "I love you but I'm not in love with you" which I understand usually is the end of a relationship. However, she came home from work one day and saw a website I had left up on my computer about how to breakup with someone. She was distraught and confronted me about it. I told her that I wanted to move on because she was wrecking me emotionally with the rollercoaster ride. After I finally did move out, I came to get the rest of my belongings from the house. When I walked in she was crying incessantly on the couch, and watching the first movie we saw together as a couple. She kept grabbing my hand and saying she didn't want to lose me and didn't understand why I was doing this. She would say she doesn't want to lose me, and does not want me to find somebody else. The next day the whole thing would be different, and she would saying things like "Let's be friends, you don't know what the future can hold". It was I love you so much one minute, then I can't be with you right now. I guess I'm trying to validate my interpretation of the whole thing, and I think just was just not into me anymore and perhaps was having some sort of affair. (Or is she just really messed up mentally and completely confused?) Regards, The "love you but not in-love with you" statement is to tell you she loves you but she doesn't have the romantic feelings for you that she should for a lover. The hot and cold thing is just her way of dealing with her feelings. One day she remembers you and loves you, the next day she remembers why she isn't in-love with you and wants to be "just friends". I don't see a good outcome for you. I would give her space but don't expect her to come back with open arms. The longer your away the more she will be able to deal with things without you. I would wish her the best and go on about your business. She really doesn't want you back but is afraid and unsure and wants to hold on to a degree. All of that is not good for you and you need to think about your needs and what your looking for.
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