To Anyone Who Has Ended a Relationship By Suddenly Ceasing Contact

[tangerine trees]

You should be ashamed!!!

 

 

 

 

 

Someone ended it with me this way recently, and the toll it takes on your mind is unbearable. I thought it was due to the immaturity of one specific guy, but I did some research and discovered that it's actually a common occurance.

 

This scares me. I'm only 17. What if I have to go through this... again?

 

There are already threads on variations of this topic floating around, but I thought I would reiterate. And dare you to defend yourselves. Really, why didya do it?!

[magichands]

This scares me.

Just try to feel relieved...that you didn't invest more time, and more energy.

 

Trust is necessary.

 

You don't need a reason. You don't need to be appreciated by him. Trust me, haha.

[Tony T]

There are some people who simply don't want the confrontation...don't want to let another person know they don't want to see them anymore. Yes, some of them are cowards...some are just ignorant has to what words to use or when to do it.

 

Often it's much easier to have someone just disappear out of your life in an instant than to drag stuff out for days, weeks or months. I guess it depends on your preference.

 

Some people need closure and some don't. If somebody doesn't want to have anything to do with me and they chose to just disappear from my life, that's fine with me. Simply by their actions, I get all the closure I need.

[scuderia]

You should be ashamed!!!

 

 

 

 

 

Someone ended it with me this way recently, and the toll it takes on your mind is unbearable. I thought it was due to the immaturity of one specific guy, but I did some research and discovered that it's actually a common occurance.

 

This scares me. I'm only 17. What if I have to go through this... again?

 

There are already threads on variations of this topic floating around, but I thought I would reiterate. And dare you to defend yourselves. Really, why didya do it?!

 

have you ever wondered why they chose no contact? maybe its something you did and u do not realise it? Sometimes people just cut contact cause they don't even see any point in clarifying things cause they might thing even if they clarify they might not get the whole truth. and no one cuts contact in the spur of the moment. Its normally a cumulative effect until the reach the point twhere they decide they had enough

 

i for myself have done this to someone. caus the person i was close to n really cared about suddenly drifted apart from me. occasianally she will get close an friendly again and after awhile she will drift aaprt again. Much later on i realised that the only reason she got close to me was cause she was having problems elsewhere with someone and once the issues were settled, she dosent bother about me. U dunno how horrible the feeling is when u really care about someone and you realise all the person has been doing is using you for their selfish reasons.

 

and well she hid alot of things from me.. things that i would expect friends to tell each other. i was always left out in the dark. she got attached but infront of me she acted single. i found out thru my other friend. Even now i dunno whther she knows i know that shes attached. i had cut off contact. maybe she can guess why, maybe she cant guess. se of she dosent give a **** about me, but expect me to always show concern to her. but when i do, she acts like shes juz replying to be polite but if i dun contact her, she says why i dun msg her. I seriously dunno wat pleasure she derives by doing this? maybe she juz wants the attention

 

So its been 2 mtths since i no contact with her. I cut of contact withou explaining anything. You tell me, in my situation do you think u even own the person an explanation? You juz reach a point when you realise everything and just say F**k this ****. even if i had told her why, she wont have explained honestl, she would have juz given answers whihc will make her ook good instead of really answering the questions.

 

So wat im trying to say is some people juz dun deserved to be explained to!

[Island Girl]

At your age it happens a lot tangerine trees. IT IS NOT THE SAME THING.

 

What you see about NC is not the same as what you think happened to you. You were 17 involved in a summer romance. Your NC was simply a young mutual crush and not dealing with the same kind of involvement other people are dealing with.

 

Haven't you ever noticed in movies they talk about summer romances and the fact that they end at the end of the summer?

-- Haven't you ever seen GREASE and really listened to the words in Summer Lovin'?

 

There are a lot of complications in more mature relationships. I hate to say this - but when you are older, you will understand.

[tangerine trees]

IT IS NOT THE SAME THING.

 

 

Haven't you ever noticed in movies they talk about summer romances and the fact that they end at the end of the summer?

-- Haven't you ever seen GREASE and really listened to the words in Summer Lovin'?

 

There are a lot of complications in more mature relationships. I hate to say this - but when you are older, you will understand.

 

 

I apreciate your help, but it wasnt a summer fling because he was at school all summer. He goes to school yearround. There is no summer break for him.

 

And what about older relationships makes the situation SO different? Am I not capable of feeling strong feelings for someone because of my age?

[Amour77]

Did you dump him or did he?

 

If he did, well, it is maybe just because he does not care about you. Anyway, what would contacting you do in the matter? If he talked to you, what do you think it would sort out? Nothing! It would only hurt you more. Being "friends" does not help! You were dumped, you should keep well away from him.

 

 

If you did, he just does not want to be in touch with you because he is very hurt. Pay the price for it and do not complain it is a torture! You should have stayed with him in the first instance.

 

Let's get real for a bit.....

[Jane Doe]

Some people need closure and some don't. If somebody doesn't want to have anything to do with me and they chose to just disappear from my life, that's fine with me. Simply by their actions, I get all the closure I need.

 

Bravo! That's very profound.

 

Tangerine trees, this will likely happen to you many times in your life and not just by boyfriends.

[Art_Critic]

Did you dump him or did he?

 

 

Sometimes it doesn't matter who dumped who.

 

I broke up with a girl once then weeks later realized I made a mistake.. tried to get her back.. as soon as I did that she rejected me because I had hurt her..

Thereby reversing everything and making me the dumpee at that point..

It killed me.. still does..

 

It sounds like the OP was the dumpee..

What the OP needs to realize is that she is 17.. she will have a lot more chances at love coming her way and sometimes we don't get to pick how a relationship ends.. and when we do sometimes it doesn't change anything..

 

Love....

[bluechocolate]

Am I not capable of feeling strong feelings for someone because of my age?

 

Of course you are, more than capable.

 

I thought it was due to the immaturity of one specific guy, but I did some research and discovered that it's actually a common occurance.

 

It's the cowards way out & unforunately a lot of people in this world are cowards.

 

Once again Tony_T sums it up perfectly.

[lindya]

You should be ashamed!!!

 

There are already threads on variations of this topic floating around, but I thought I would reiterate. And dare you to defend yourselves. Really, why didya do it?!

 

In many cases, the dumpee valued the relationship more highly and viewed it as an important bond whereas the dumper viewed it as a casual, short term situation that hadn't reached "relationship" status. Both sides view their perception as the correct one. "How can he think we weren't in a real relationship?" "How could she have read so much into what was clearly a time limited fling?"

 

Perhaps he simply felt that you had expectations of him that he wasn't able, ready or willing to fulfil, didn't know how to express that concern and therefore elected to just avoid you. Or maybe he felt that he didsay/do things that clearly indicated his desire to back away from you. Either way, you now seem definite that the relationship has ended, so it's time to begin the process of accepting and recovering from that.

 

You're angry, which is normal - but it would be an idea to consider what's behind your use of phrases like "you should be ashamed" and "defend yourselves, I dare you." Can one dictate or change others' behaviour and ethics by using "shoulds" and encouraging them to feel ashamed if they don't conform to your expectations?

 

In terms of influencing the way others treat you, that's not generally an effective approach. Invoking guilt and shame in others tends to backfire insofar as guilt tends to quickly descend into resentment and hostility. We've probably all done it at times, but it creates a lot of negativity and isn't the best way to get other people to be open and honest in their relationships with you.

[Island Girl]

I apreciate your help, but it wasnt a summer fling because he was at school all summer. He goes to school yearround. There is no summer break for him.

 

And what about older relationships makes the situation SO different? Am I not capable of feeling strong feelings for someone because of my age?

 

Summere romances don't have anything to do with school being out.

 

It has to do with 'Spring Fever' and enjoying all that the summer has to offer with another. Then the relationship dies in the fall.

 

You are 17 - at your age girls are MUCH more mature emotionally than boys. There are exceptions but they are few and far between and I don't think this boy is one of them. He is 'the norm'. Immature.

 

You ARE capable of strong feelings but you are just now learning about love. There is A LOT to relationships. It is not as easy as I love him and he loves me and now we are together forever.

It is more complicated than that.

It is like dancing - when you are just learning it is awkward and sometimes you make mistakes. Sometimes your toes get stepped on and sometimes you step on a partners toes. But as you learn it gets better - you get better - your partners get better.

It is unbelievable and inconceivable to you right now - how much you are going to change between 17 and 26.

Also, and more importantly, how the guys you are meeting or know change too.

 

I and all of the women I know have been where you are. We know how you feel. We have been there. I have been there.

You have yet to be where we are. Where I am.

 

You have yet to be where I am - and I hope you enjoy what lies ahead. It is not all pain and misery I assure you.

 

I know you feel things deeply - and you will continue to feel deeply but more and more through your own journey those feelings will be more and more based on real things that you have discovered you like and dislike about different guys.

 

Older relationships ARE different. It is more about the reality of who you are with. It is about their more concrete, now minimally changing (if there are indeed ANY changes) views of the world, their role in relationships, their style of communication, etc. - all of which have just started to form at your age.

Over these next few years these things become vastly different from person to person. Commonalities are a bit harder to come by.

 

You can benefit from those that have already been down the road you are just now starting on. That is all anyone I'm sure is trying to give you.

[latefragment]

tangerine, if you're still on here check out my post to you in the baffled thread... i stuck it there ... it refers to this thread and what i think of your situation... =)

[Buttaflyy]

I've done this but basically it was a mutual decision. I stopped calling, he stopped calling. I guess we both knew it was over.

[swirly27]

Hey Tang, I replied to your other new post but just thought I'd add my 2 cents here. I know what people are trying to say about us being older and you being younger, but that does not mean you don't truly feel what you're truly feeling. But you will change alot over the next 10 years and you'll be amazed when you look back on this experience and have learned so much from it.

 

But, like you, my ex just disappeared and no one deserves that. If someone wants out, then they should just say that, not drop off the face of the earth. But, like others have said, and myself too, if he did just disappear, you shouldn't want to be with him anyway....but I know you don't want that jerk guy back....you want the guy you THOUGHT he was, the guy you had fun with and shared good times and memories with. You're hoping he'll contact you and aplogize and make all of this up to you. Thats what we all hope when we miss our ex. But, you also are arguing with yourself because you think you didn't tell him enough how much you liked him.....let me tell you, I do the same thing too....but that doesn't even matter....even if he had no clue how much you really liked him, he still should have said SOMETHING to you.....you don't just hang out with someone and date them and become intimate with them and then just disappear. The fact that he did this is why it is so easy for me to call him an A$$. If he realizes he messed up and jumps thru hoops to get you back, then maybe he is growing up a little....even he contacts you to apologize for his actions, then there's some hope for him, but to leave someone high and dry with no explanations, its just cruel and cowardly. Breaking up with someone can be hard, heck I bawled the last time I broke up with someone, but its the mature thing to do. But just learn from this and learn what YOU deserve and know in the future, if it happens again, its THEIR LOSS! You deserve better!

[climbergirl]

I apreciate your help, but it wasnt a summer fling because he was at school all summer. He goes to school yearround. There is no summer break for him.

 

And what about older relationships makes the situation SO different? Am I not capable of feeling strong feelings for someone because of my age?

 

You certainly are capable of strong feelings. And it's not a reflection of your character at all-but speaks volumes about his.

 

And this guy (and many other people regardless of their age) deal with problems of all kinds in one way.....to run. They don't deal, they just fricken bail.

 

In terms of basic human instinct (flight or fight)...........he flighted his a## off. He just wouldn't be good for you (or at this point..anyone) long term.

[alphamale]

Really, why didya do it?!

yes, i've done it a number of times. Its the best way to end a relationship with a woman and causes the least amount of long-term distress for both parties.

 

My last relationship I ended this way. I was with her for about 6 months. One day I awoke and said to my self "enough of this krap". Never called or saw her again.

[swirly27]

yes, i've done it a number of times. Its the best way to end a relationship with a woman and causes the least amount of long-term distress for both parties.

 

Alpha - I have to wonder, who was this best for? You say it causes the least amt. of longterm distress but have you ever had this happen to you? Its happened to me and it causes me more longterm stress cause you NEVER know what happened, what went wrong and why? Some people need to hear these things or they go on hoping way longer than they'd like to about hearing something. Did this last ex of yours ever try contacting you to get an explanation? I just think this is cruel and I've only had this happen to me once, this last experience that I am still trying to get over.....and it hurts ALOT and really brings me down thinking I wasn't even worth an explanation. Its cowardly and cruel...maybe it was easy for you but I bet it wasn't the easiest for her.

[alphamale]

Alpha - I have to wonder, who was this best for?

mainly for me...

 

have you ever had this happen to you?

yes, a few times....

 

Its happened to me and it causes me more longterm stress cause you NEVER know what happened, what went wrong and why?

Many times its better to not know. That way your mind can create its own reasons. Closure is way over-rated. Women are the ones who always want to know what happened. I don't give a ****. I just move on to the next women.

 

Did this last ex of yours ever try contacting you to get an explanation?

Yes, she did contact me but did not ask for explanation. She was already well aware of why I did what I did...