Moodswing Posted September 29, 2006 Posted September 29, 2006 Split up from my boyfriend 9 months ago. Since then we've still been very close, daily contact, nothing physical although the attraction is still very much there. Thing is, last night a bloke we both know as a friend rang me up and asked me out for a date. I should have been flattered, but it actually upset me because I didn't want him Anyway, the bloke is also an ex of a girl that both my ex and me know very well. I'm just having a dilema. I've already turned the date down - I'm just not ready to date again (that's one issue I'm getting to terms with), but my ex is bound to find out somehow and WILL get jealous, and our girlfriend will probably find out as well and will probably get upset that her ex has got over her so quickly and that he had the nerve to ask her friend out (ie me!). What would you do - tell my ex and tell him not to go mad or jealous? Not tell him? Tell my girlfriend, not tell her? We all go to the same weekly social club, so I'm just pondering on what to do. You'll probably think my ex has got no right to get jealous (correct), but this year, he has warned a few fellas away from me...interesting to see what you would do
KittenMoon Posted September 29, 2006 Posted September 29, 2006 Well, you turned the date down, so if it's not an issue, don't make it an issue. If your ex or the exgf say something, tell them that: it's simply not an issue.
joriel Posted September 29, 2006 Posted September 29, 2006 Well, you turned the date down, so if it's not an issue, don't make it an issue. If your ex or the exgf say something, tell them that: it's simply not an issue. I just wanted to add that you should tell them that it's not YOUR issue. You did what you need to do for you and your friendships. If they want to make an issue out of this then that's their business.
Author Moodswing Posted September 29, 2006 Author Posted September 29, 2006 Thanks - it's nice to get a different angle on the situation, from both of you. The guy who asked me out, and me, won't be making an issue of it - he had the balls to ask - that's all. It just sort of makes me feel a little bit uncomfortable, as well as feeling a bit guilty about turning this bloke down - he's a good sort. I think the little scenario shocked me, I didn't realise how much I wanted to be with my ex again
loveinlife Posted September 29, 2006 Posted September 29, 2006 I believe we have our own times to get over our ex. There is no need to rush into things unless you are feeling comfortable. Ussually when guys get hit down like that they will probably not make another attempt bc of their ego, unless they using that persistence technique or they really like you. I can understand that being with your ex on a regular contact is hard for you to move on and esp that guy is an ex of one of your girlfriends. Do you feel that you and your ex have another chance of getting back together? Who broke up with who in this relationship that you had?
Winfield Posted September 29, 2006 Posted September 29, 2006 Split up from my boyfriend 9 months ago. Since then we've still been very close, daily contact, nothing physical although the attraction is still very much there. This "attraction" you mention...on whose behalf is it? Yours, or (do you suspect / hope) your ex's? Has he actually told you he's still attracted to you? Are you sure you're not confusing "attraction" with "infatuation"? My reason for bringing this point to attention is this: why split up if the mutual attraction between you both is still there? With regard to the guy who called you for a date, well, it makes sense - you're not obliged to go out with anyone who asks you out. It may have made you feel bad as he'd "put you on the spot" so to speak, but at least he now knows where he stands with you in the relationship stakes! Why do you care so much about what your ex thinks? Live life for yourself, not for someone else. No wonder your ex is in your thoughts so much, having kept in daily contact for the 9 months (9 months?!? ) since you split. Wake up! It's way past your time to move on...and to do that, you have to let go of the past! As others here have mentioned, the conversation between yourself and the guy who asked you out on a date is your business, and your business only. Even if you were to tell your ex not to get mad or jealous, his reaction is outwith your control... And on the subject of control, your ex is doing this in a roundabout way, by warning potential boyfiends away from you (not a good sign). By doing so, he's basically telling you who to date and who not to date...and this is selfish behaviour on his part. If your ex wants to be with you that much, he'd ask you straight out instead of playing silly games, with you as the "pawn" in the middle. If I were you, I'd keep the ex as an "ex", cease all communication with him (it's harsh, but must be done in order to move on), and look for a new partner who'll give you the respect you deserve. Difficult to do? Of course it is! But believe me, it can be done. Good luck!
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