ewalker Posted September 29, 2006 Posted September 29, 2006 my husband stopped having sex with me about 5.5 months ago when I was 7.5 months pregnant. I still wanted it but he was afraid of hurting baby(we had a dr. appt and she told us she could feel baby girls head). I had the baby three months ago. I even got a depo shot at my 6 wk check up! when I make any moves he tells me he's too tired and he has no energy.(let me say he has gained about twenty lbs. sympathy weight during my pregnancy ) he works 9 to 8 mon thru thursday . maybe he is tired , but what am I to think when he has enough energy to get up at 6am twice a week to run up and down a basketball court with 9 sweaty men for 2 hours!!! I only need 10 min!!! I don't think he's cheating. BUT he is 30 &I'M 22 years old 5'8' and I was at 130 lbs @ 3wks after my c-section.what could be the problem?
Mz. Pixie Posted September 29, 2006 Posted September 29, 2006 I think sometimes guy get turned off by the whole watching you go through labor thing........... I also think that they sometimes reframe the way that they think about you from lover to mother- and they have a hard time separating the two. You two need marriage counseling. If he can get up at 6:00 to play basketball and have energy for that, he should have energy to ML to his wife.
JackJack Posted September 29, 2006 Posted September 29, 2006 Its possible he might be trying to adjust to the whole concept of him being a father and you a mother. This is, assuming this is your first child? Sometimes, men, not all but some have a hard time adjusting in the early stages of parenthood. Its a big responsility on both parents. Maybe he feels since that baby came along, he feels second choice or second over the baby? Also, some men, once again, NOT ALL, but some don't look at their wives the same after they have a baby, they no longer see them as sexual beings, they see them as just a mother. Personally I haven't ever understood that myself, but I have heard of that. Do you feel he sees you only as a mother now?
LakesideDream Posted September 29, 2006 Posted September 29, 2006 Before MC, you might try a little romance. Do you have a reletive you trust the baby with? If so, make a date. Something special you both enjoy. Sex appeal is very visual with males. Let him have it! Dress to the nines, and suduce him, just like the old days.
Author ewalker Posted September 29, 2006 Author Posted September 29, 2006 I don't think he views me soley as a mother, but i've never thought of that. this is our first child and I could understand him not wanting to if we went through the whole vaginal labor.That can be tragic for some men, but I had a c-section. I was a model before pregnancy and I'd like to go back to work, but as you know models need a lot of confidence. This whole issue is causing me to feel unwanted , unattractive , very self-conscience and now resentment towards my husband .Mainly bc of him making the time to play basketball at 6am and watch tv for 3 hrs before going to bed. I am 22 w raging hormones! I told my husband how I felt last night and he told me to get a job and work the hours he does. But he doesn't work weekends. why can't he squeeze in ten min a weekend?
JackJack Posted September 29, 2006 Posted September 29, 2006 Ok I'm gonna go with Mz Pixie on this, and say if he can get up at 6 to go play ball but doesn't have time for sex then something is wrong. I think by him telling you to go get a job and work the hours he does, is a cop out. I don't see where you stated he works lots and lots of hours, you even stated he has weekends off, so once again that is an excuse on his part. Does he not understand you DO have a job. No it might not pay you in dollars, but having a child is rewarding period. He needs to know that YOUR job doesn't end at the end of the day, and you don't have time off from your job raising a child. Tell him you will walk in his shoes with a job, when he walks in your shoes raising a child and seeing that, that job never ends.
Author ewalker Posted September 29, 2006 Author Posted September 29, 2006 THANKS for all the great advice. I don't know why, but I have never looked at being a mother as a job, But it is WORK! He is copping out, and I hate to say it but I have no sympathy. My mom raised two girls when she was very young all by herself . She worked a full time job, received no child support, came home made dinner helped w our homework, got us ready for school every night and planned family weekend getaways and still had a personal life. I think Ill let him watch the baby for a full day or two and see if he has a change of heart. He hasn't even tasted tired yet.
Mz. Pixie Posted September 29, 2006 Posted September 29, 2006 Dr Phil says that a stay at home mom works an average of two full time 40 hour a week jobs. If he thinks staying at home with a child is so easy try letting him do it for an entire weekend while you go away to the spa with some girlfriends. If he can do it without his mothers help it would be a miracle but if not he will certainly appreciate you more when you return. My husband works three jobs basically with being a coach and we are intimate at least three times a week. He is also 38, not 30. He's using this as a cop out. Not many men are too tired for sex- unless there is an OW, a true medical problem, a porn addiction, or he's homosexual.
Sup Posted September 29, 2006 Posted September 29, 2006 Perhaps you should get your husband checked out by a doctor, FORCE him to go, he may have low libdo, I guess I spelled that right. Whatever you do don't cheat on him, there's more than one way to find out what's up in this circumstance.(No pun intended)
rossi Posted September 30, 2006 Posted September 30, 2006 If mreaction to your action. Believe me its going to work, he may feel very secure about you, I'm not telling you to cheat on him but just pretend like you are going to, just to give the feeling to him. Keep the house clean and yourself and try to go out by yourself or with your friends.
Kman Posted October 2, 2006 Posted October 2, 2006 wow, this one is a riddler. sorry to hear about it. Eight years between you two huh? Makes me think of some one 7 years younger than myself that I never pursued because I was freaked out by the age difference. I'm sure I wouldn't have had this problem... I hope it works out for you.
Author ewalker Posted October 2, 2006 Author Posted October 2, 2006 I think he is very secure .maybe even a little comfortable . Come to think of it, when I used to work, when I got home he was all over me! I think he knows I'm not going anywhere and that's the problem.
Author ewalker Posted October 3, 2006 Author Posted October 3, 2006 I expressed my feelings to my husband the othet night and He said "maybe if you didn't talk so much about sex we'd have it!" What the hell! Any advice?
michelangelo Posted October 3, 2006 Posted October 3, 2006 yet doesn't want to initiate. You're caught in a trap.
RecordProducer Posted October 3, 2006 Posted October 3, 2006 This is happening for some reason. It's an A caused by B situation. You need to discover the reason. Just stating that it has to do with the pregnancy or his hard job or whatever is not enough. That doesn't explain things to the end. You need to know the whole truth and be completely aware of what's going on and why. Then you will be able to take the right actions and make whatever choices suit you best. Just guessing what could be the reason and blaming your body or the baby is far, very far from solving the problem. Talk to him. Insist on knowing the truth. Make him to the doctor. Check if he gets might erections. Whatever. Don't wait for your anger to accumulate to the point where you will resent him and find sex elsewhere. Then the marriage will be over. And this problem can be solved, I am sure.
didimakeamistake Posted October 4, 2006 Posted October 4, 2006 If mreaction to your action. Believe me its going to work, he may feel very secure about you, I'm not telling you to cheat on him but just pretend like you are going to, just to give the feeling to him. Keep the house clean and yourself and try to go out by yourself or with your friends. i would not recommend pretending you are going to cheat on him. just try talking to him. if that doesn't work - try again. write him a letter if you have to. just make sure you are communicating exactly how he is making you feel. let him know how unhappy it's making you. but please...don't pretend you're going to cheat on him. my wife and i have been having problems for years, and she was unhappy, and started acting all suspicious-like with this lifelong friend of hers. it has caused severe damage to our relationship and is the main reason that i am going to leave her. she basically made it "look" like she was cheating. i'll never know whether she actually was or wasn't...but it's a dangerous game to get involved in. try communicating. if you are unable to do that, then learn how to. go to counseling if need be. just be honest about everything.
Guest Posted October 6, 2006 Posted October 6, 2006 Is he having ED? Anxiety can cause it, and the fear of it can cause you to avoid sex.
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