So if a guy is

[CryingCanuck]

Are women you we feel did everythig we possibly could bitches, and unfair if they vocalize things that WE as men think is unfair?

 

How that?

 

CC

 

I would say NO, BUT ! !

 

As my dear EX wife always used to point out ot me it's not what is beign said but the delivery....

[Gunny376]

 

And I am hurt, sad, but I will be damned if I will just let my M go down the tubes that easy by keeping my mouth shut and ending up resentful and hateful pretending to be happy 5 years or 15 years from now. Life is too short and if you can get what you desire out of life only a fool does not try.

I have a responsibility to say why I am not happy and give my H the chance to remedy it. He also has the right know and have a partner that is not pretending that all is well.

 

Better your way than for some smuck to be skipping happily down the merry marital road, thinking all is right with the world, and then have his wife wake up one morning not just going ~ but gone! Leaving the H standing there with that look on his face, like a little boy with with his pants down, running and screaming around and around in circles saying WTF?

 

And spending years and years looking for the answers to the questions, the solutions to the problems at the bottom of a bottle of whiskey.

 

A lot of wives say that they spent years trying to get their DH's to understand, but the cross-gender communication was so bad the DH couldn't understand what the DW was saying.

 

You hear people say all the time, "What are you implying?" but you seldom hear people ever use the counter-word to imply which is imfer, as in what did you infer from what I just told you?" When someone says something they're implying a certain message of communication ~ but what the other person actually hears is what they'd inferred from the communication received. Not the same animal. This is how divorces and wars are started.

 

A lot of people have that problem in communicating to their spouses. And although your DH may have problems with comprehending what you're implying ~ I believe you've done a good job of s p e l l i n g i t o u t t o h i m!

[a4a]

Are women you we feel did everythig we possibly could bitches, and unfair if they vocalize things that WE as men think is unfair?

 

How that?

 

CC

 

I would say NO, BUT ! !

 

As my dear EX wife always used to point out ot me it's not what is beign said but the delivery....

 

what?

[Gunny376]

Are women you we feel did everythig we possibly could bitches, and unfair if they vocalize things that WE as men think is unfair?

 

How that?

 

CC

 

I would say NO, BUT ! !

 

As my dear EX wife always used to point out ot me it's not what is beign said but the delivery....

 

CC? I missing a fifth of CC ~ Candian Club Whiskey, you wouldn't by chance no where it got off to by chance, would you?

[dgiirl]

Better your way than for some smuck to be skipping happily down the merry marital road, thinking all is right with the world, and then have his wife wake up one morning not just going ~ but gone!

 

amen!

 

CC? I missing a fifth of CC ~ Candian Club Whiskey, you wouldn't by chance no where it got off to by chance, would you?

 

lol i have an idea of where that whiskey is

[CryingCanuck]

The CC is stored away in teh cabinet, best I don't drink today, stress here youcancut with a knife. A fifth? naw I buy teh big bottles that way I never run out. Guns if you evr have the urge tory the good stuff, try Crown Royal, it's a bit more expensive but soooo smooth....

 

D are you saying that I'm ahhhh boozing it? Nope not tonight adn YOU knwo why too hehe

 

CC

[CryingCanuck]

I read my previous post about the question... Nomore drinking , taking typing lessons, and learning teh fine art of diplomacy that's what this old fart is going todo AND find the spacebar....

[CryingCanuck]

Why is it that some of us guys, especially ones in Law enforcement who can be a little hardnosed are called "pricks" and we actuslly take some pride in that, but women who are as "assertive" are called bitches ... is there any difference?

[AgentD]

I've been following this thread since it started, and I've let it go quite a while simply because most of the members involved are pretty tough skinned.

 

However, it is getting a little too heated, so to avoid frighting off new comers, or creating bad habits for newbies, I think it's time to shut this one down.

 

What do you guys think?

 

I'll wait for about an hour, let me know.

 

Thanks

[dgiirl]

I think it's about to die a natural death on it's own. And although it got a little heated, I think a lot of good points were made.

[PWSX3]

As I've already admitted, my marriage was not the best. I know very well the mistakes I made in my marriage. I was young, naive, inexperienced, and was not fully prepared for it. But you know, I accepted my husband the way he was. When we first started living together, he told me that he could not be affectionate with me unless it lead to sex, it was too difficult for him. So I denied that need in me, and tried to accept what he needed. But the less he was affectionate with me outside, the less I was affectionate with him inside the bedroom. On top of this, he made it very clear he didnt need me for anything else. I truely believed that marriage was about sharing our lives together, completely, depending on one another. In the beginning, I tried to be a loving wife. I was a horrible cook, and he knew he could cook better than I, so he insisted on cooking. He also insisted on buying the groceries. He also insisted on managing all the money and paying the bills. He organized our accounts into mine and his. I then freely gave him access to all my accounts. I never had access to any of his accounts. When he was sick, I would try to make him something, which he always refused, telling me i didnt know what i was doing. I would buy him things, and he never appreciated it. It was always wrong. So I would start to ask him what would make him happy, and the fact that i ASKED him was also wrong. I wanted to spend time with one another, and any of the activities I enjoyed, he would not participate in unless it was something he wanted. He spent a lot of time on the computer playing games. In the beginning, i would ask him to stop playing and he asked me to join him instead. So i even started playing games, just so I could spend time with him. It was always too hard to go back home and visit my family and friends, yet he wanted to visit his parents every single weekend. He made plans for our social life without even telling me until the actual day. And when I asked him to tell me beforehand, I was made to feel guilty and he would start telling people "I have to ask the boss". And dont even get me started on this whole teddybear thing. The first time I bought lingerie, I was told I was selfish for buying myself clothes. That was extremely humiliating for me. He would often take inventory on how fit I was. I was never told that I was pretty, desired, or wanted, either by words or tokens of affection. And I accepted it all.

 

Over the years we fed off each other, and it's completely unclear to me when it all started.

Dgiirl, someplace you posted and said that our situations were a lot a like and I can really see myself doing some of the things your H did.

 

I do feel that a lot of relationships feed off of each other good or bad. When it is good all 8 cylinders are running good, but when things aren't running good and your only on 6 cylinders then that is when you need to take your relationship into the shop or set your butt at the table and start talking.

The hard part I feel at least for me is not the communicating but the listening part. If you ask my W I bet she will tell you she told me many of times what bothered her but I didn't hear it. By this time when you aren't in sync then you start to get defensive (at least I think I did, the verdict isn't out just yet) and you say you are listening but you really are just waiting to proove your point.

[dgiirl]

P, the thing is, I can also see myself doing a lot of the things you've done. And I see a lot of things my exh did like your wife did. I've tried to be the best supportive wife I could be, but I know I dont always have the best way with words, and I'm positive I've said things that hurt my husband. I was so focused on my own pain to realize how it was affecting my exh. I was not intentionally withholding sex from him to punish him. I simply wasnt in a good frame of mind. And like your wife, my exh never once talked about what was bothering him. This is one of the reasons I felt he didnt need me for anything. Problems with work or family or anything, I was usually the last person to know. He never looked to me for advice. I never knew how he felt. And when he left, he blamed me for it all. He built up so much resentment, that when he left, I felt all the hatred he had for me. I could see it in his eyes. And the things he said to me were absolutely cruel. Noone should ever have to hear those things from a loved one. It's one thing to leave a lover, but you can atleast remain civil and leave with dignity. You dont need to tear that person to pieces the way he did.

 

But yah, relationships are hard. Because he did this, I did that. Because I did that, he did this. We fed off each other and that's why fault is never one-sided. That's why I commend a4a for what she's doing. She's connecting the dots very clearly for her husband. I wish I had the knowledge to do that during my marriage. I wish my exh had too.

[Flyin in Clouds]

:lmao: what if your wife likes it when you let her poop in your mouth?

 

Well I wouldn't get involved in scat or water play, but if she wanted to do it with someone else I'd tell her to go for it. ... got the picture a4a?

 

While I might not like to engage in something with her, if she wanted it I wouldn't stop her from persuing her, er hobby...

 

So if your H wanted something you didn't want to do sexually, would you give him the freedom to do it with someone else? If not, why not?

 

 

Same could be for anal sex...... not all women enjoy that or it could be painful. What if your wife asked to shove a dildo up your butt

Sure, if she got off on that, I'd try it at least. I hear prostrate stimulation can be fun.

 

or have you swallow your own sperm?

Naw, wouldn't be into that. She'd have to find someone else to play with.

 

Or for that matter really wanted you to blow another guy and let her watch...... so come on there are some things that just are unreasonable and some that certainly are not.

Again, not being bi-sexual or homosexual that wouldn't be for me, but if she wanted to find two guys that were into that ... go for it.

 

Of course this is a little beyond could you just spend time with me or just make love with me.

One man's perversion is another man's (or woman's) ...

 

In the bold letters in your post: are you talking about his wife really or your friends wife, or yours?

It's a rhetorical question. I understand you have trouble with those... but try to follow an argument would you. The main points, and not turn it into something personal.

 

In general should one spouse get to control, as in absolute veto, the sex life of their parnter? Does that mean sex should be reduced to the lowest common denominator of what both are comfortable with doing?

 

So if a man doesn't want to have sex with his wife, she shouldn't complain? If a man ignores his wife's "needs", i.e. her sexual and intimacy needs, does that justify an affair or divorce or ? And yes reverse the genders and I hope the same answer applies.

 

Or is this just your thoughts on how the majority of women are? Venting or a real point to make to be helpful to others?

see above.

 

The real issue is how to resolve incompatiblities.

 

Some guy doesn't want to perform anal sex on his wife. The wife absolutely wants to have it. What should she do? Go to her grave never having tried something she would like to try? Get a divorce and seek a more compatible partners? Cheat and keep it quiet that she did it with someone else?

 

Now broaden the issue to beyond just sex. If one spouse wants something the other doesn't want, how do you resovle that? And why would just cuddling on the couch be any more or less important or substantially different than some less conventional sexual practice?