otherlover Posted September 29, 2006 Posted September 29, 2006 I have to say that i am a little disappointed to the reactions that i got from my last thread..i came here to tell everyone of my happy ending and that there is light at the end of the tunnel but what i found was nothing but a bunch of people telling me that im gunna regret this because of my age. I cant believe i have to defend myself to a bunch of strangers. I came here for support which some of you gave me but once you found out my age and the difference between ours it became the not so happy and non supportive people. How is our age difference now any different from a 25 year old and 50 year old? Just because i am 19 doesnt mean that im automatically gunna regret this. and many of you might not believe this but he did not leave his wife for me...thats how it seems and in a way yes he did leave her for me but if he was unhappy and already thinking of leaving why would he be with me in the first place? because something was missing and he found that yea..i can actually be happy and yea there are people out there that can fill that void. So dont down my happiness because of age. I know how it may seem that ive got this anna nicole smith thing going on but why would i have waited a year for him? Dont tell me that who i love is a regret. There is nothing written anywhere that you have to love someone your own age. Is there? I didnt think so. You cant help who you love...just because im young doesnt mean i dont know what i want. Like i told my friends and family...im not running off to vegas tommorrow...i have no intentions of getting married anytime soon...there is not gurantee that we will be together forever....im not rushing into anything..im just in love and i dont care... so im sorry that so many of you feel that i will regret this..i just wish there was more support here then i got....we all got ourselves into these messes so we shouldnt be so quick to judge each other because we're all in the same boat
NoIDidn't Posted September 29, 2006 Posted September 29, 2006 Sorry you felt that way. Truth is, you are still considered a child in many people's eyes. You haven't even voted in two presidential elections yet, if you are in the states. I am 13 years older than you and the years between 19 and now were so full of experiences, my head spins to think of the things that I did and accomplished in that time. 19 is no time to be considering a commitment to someone else's H. And don't assume that everyone in this forum is in the boat. We are not. The 25 to 50 difference would still be frowned upon, b/c an older person is generally thought to be taking advantage of the younger person's naivete. 19 is a naive age. He!!, 25 is too. But if you two are so enamoured with each other, get some pre-marital counselling first. At your age, there is just too much that you more than likely haven't considered as part of the consequences of your actions. Do you want kids? Does he want anymore? Do you know how to balance a checkbook? Does he? Does he already have kids? How will you feel when he drops his kids off for you to keep while he goes about his business - all the time? Do you plan to go to college? Are you planning to work? Does he want you to work? Where will you live? If he has kids, how will you interact with his XW? Do you think she is just going to disappear forever once they D? These questions aren't even the tip of the iceberg. Your whole life is decided based on the decisions of your youth. Make those decisions carefully.
lawyer83 Posted September 29, 2006 Posted September 29, 2006 I'm happy for you. If you think that this is what you want then go for it. Don't go into it with blinders on, but if you follow your heart then you'll only have yourself to blame or congratulate for the outcome of all this.
whichwayisup Posted September 29, 2006 Posted September 29, 2006 How is our age difference now any different from a 25 year old and 50 year old? Just because i am 19 doesnt mean that im automatically gunna regret this maybe because people do ALOT of changing in their 20's to 30's...Plus, depending where you live, you can't legally drink till you're 21. I don't recall your previous thread, but hey, if you're happy, that's all that counts.
BlueEyedGirl Posted September 30, 2006 Posted September 30, 2006 To be honest, I'm incredibly jelous of you. And no I don't think age matters. Enjoy it and keep us posted.
Craig Posted September 30, 2006 Posted September 30, 2006 otherlover I don't believe an age difference needs to have a huge impact on a couples life provided that both people are mature (not just in years) and come to the relationship in a healthy way. My prediction is that you are going to leave him, probably within 1 to 2 years. He isn't the man you think he is and you aren't the woman you think you are either. Sooner or later, as the honeymoon phase of the relationship starts to wind down and he's having challenges with his kids and his former wife (who will no doubt look at you as a homewrecker) and the adrenaline rush of secret love is gone and enough people think you are his daughter and not his SO and you are wondering 'if he did it with me, will he do it to me' you will be the one to leave him. I just hope you don't plan on having kids with him anytime soon.
PoshPrincess Posted October 2, 2006 Posted October 2, 2006 To be honest, I'm incredibly jelous of you. And no I don't think age matters. Enjoy it and keep us posted. I'll second that bit about being jealous. Me too. Would do almost anything to be with my MM! I don't think age difference matters in everyone's case but I can see what people are saying about 19 being young. I had a relationship with a man of 46 when I was 23 which ended after 3 years. Mainly I think it scared me to be with someone who was coming up for 50 when I was still in my 20s. Of course, that's just me and if I had loved him enough then it wouldn't have bothered me! It IS true that you change a hell of a lot in your 20s but I say, go for it. Always better to regret something you have done than something you haven't! At least if things don't work out (but I sincerely hope they do!) you have the rest of your life ahead of you. If you don't give it a go you will only look back at what might have been. Best of luck
KrisMuseumGirl Posted October 2, 2006 Posted October 2, 2006 Dear O.L. I agree with you but I think people think they're helping you and may have come on a little harsh. It's difficult because we try not to write novels for everyone's sake and therefore directness is the best course. Please don't take offense. We're all just trying to share the benefit of OUR experience since we have long past the milestone of our 19th birthdays and realize how much more wisdom there is to be gained with time and experience. Being our age (over 29 :-) we have seen the otherside of the mountain. We're just trying to save you pain that we've all experienced and fear that you're heading for. But, I've said this before, sometimes we need to let people make their own mistakes by staying out of it. If you feel you're going to be OK, then we support you and wish you luck. Please let us know how you're doing, we'll still be here for you even if things change and it dosen't turn out as you've planned. Kris
Seen_It_All Posted October 3, 2006 Posted October 3, 2006 i came here to tell everyone of my happy ending and that there is light at the end of the tunnel Happy ending? What happy ending? You consider a family breaking apart a 'happy ending?' For whom? Oh yeah, for YOU. Silly me. How is our age difference now any different from a 25 year old and 50 year old? Just because i am 19 doesnt mean that im automatically gunna regret this. Actually, the word 'predator' comes to mind with regard to your MM. The other ladies here are right, you're still considered a child in the eyes of many. Sounds like your MM is enjoying the ego stroke of having an innocent wide-eyed teenager to play with. and many of you might not believe this but he did not leave his wife for me Don't be surprised if he goes back. Most of them do. ...thats how it seems and in a way yes he did leave her for me but if he was unhappy and already thinking of leaving why would he be with me in the first place? LOL, you really are naive, aren't you? Why would he be with you? Gosh, I don't know. Maybe it's because he's a pig and gets off on the fact that he's playing with a young girl? Again, the word predator comes to mind. Sorry. Dont tell me that who i love is a regret. Don't worry, you'll find that out for yourself soon enough. No one could tell ME anything at your age, either. so im sorry that so many of you feel that i will regret this..i just wish there was more support here then i got Sorry, can't support a married man lusting over a teenager. It's revolting. If you were my daughter, I would have put this loser's head through a wall. Where are your parents in this? Surely they don't condone this?
PoshPrincess Posted October 3, 2006 Posted October 3, 2006 Sorry, can't support a married man lusting over a teenager. It's revolting. If you were my daughter, I would have put this loser's head through a wall. Where are your parents in this? Surely they don't condone this? When I was in a R with a much older man (ok, I was in my 20s and he wasn't married) my parents certainly didn't condone it but they left me to it knowing I was much more likely to dig my heals in if I knew how they felt (and he was only two years younger than them!) They hoped it would fizzle out before too long and it did. However, I do have one friend who has always preferred older men. She has a boyfriend twice her age who she has been with for years and they are getting married next year so some age gap Rs do work. I think it depends on the individuals. Personally now I couldn't imagine what I would have in common with a man half my age. It doesn't bear thinking about! As we have all been saying, we change a lot from our late teens till 30 and we have to make our own mistakes. I look back at past Rs and think 'WTF?' but I believe everything happens for a reason and we learn from our mistakes. Hopefully. Still trying to work out what I am going to learn from my R with an MM but I guess I am still hoping for that happy ending. One thing I have learned is never to get involved with someone already in an R with someone else, so that's something!
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