She begged me back, but still is not over her ex...

[figgurinoutlife]

My ex and I have been broken up for over 2 years (she broke up with me for issues that are fixed now) but she has never been able to completely let me go. She has dated quite a few since we broke up, but has always had me on the side just in case and I let her cause she would tell me she was still in love with me, regretted breaking up with me, but she still wouldn't get back with me. I tried to play it cool all the time after we broke up and went with the flow and tried to be her friend. Well, her latest bf and her were supposed to move to another town, but my ex didn't really want to go cause I think they were fighting at the time, so my ex told me she wanted to be with me and stay here and get back together with me.

 

I fell for it and was excited, then they make up and she moves with him. Big surprise I guess. So I went NC for a couple weeks till she calls saying she does want to be with me and move back, but she needs to stay there for awile longer and save money. I knew she was just stalling so I just went NC again without explanation this time. Then 1.5 mos. later she starts calling me private about 5 times a day and I didn't answer any. This went on for over a week, then she shows up in my driveway begging me for 2 min. of my time, crying, and saying she made the biggest mistake of her life and everything she said to me in the past about wanting me back was sincere, but that she was so messed up on drugs that she couldn't follow through.

 

She said she left her bf and is living at her mom's house in my city and is trying to clean herself up and wants to start over, and start over with me and take things slow. I was really skeptical hearing this but her begging and crying broke me down so I decided to give her another chance. I told her I didn't want to get hurt again by her and she said she doesn't want to hurt me and wouldn't. So it seemed she turned into the most incredible woman, calling me, wanting to be spend time with me, making plans, lots of kisses and hugs, her saying she has to have me in her life, I am everything to her, and how she thought about me and missed me so much and that I have her by the nuts. lol. She even told me she was going to quit talking to her ex and that she wanted to be a family with me.

 

I couldn't believe how much it seemed she had changed, the only thing that bothered me is that she wanted to take things slow and see where they go. That worried me but I was on such an emotional high that I rode with it. She seemed really stressed out at the same time, cause she couldn't seem to find a job and said she was frustrated starting everything over (she has moved around quite a bit in the past). She was also smoking quite a bit but I thought better cigarette's than drugs.

She was stressed.

 

I was patient with her, took her places and spent time with her but didn't push her too much, just went with the flow. Couple weeks went by and she started having casual conversation with her ex again and she said it was cause he was crazy and didn't want to drop him completely yet cause he was making threats and she was afraid if she quit talking to him he would snap and come after me or her.

 

By this time I was starting to get frustrated and I brought up the subject of if and when we were gonna officially try again. She said she needs time to get her life situated and time to get over her ex. I went with it for another week then brought it up again and asked if I was being played and she reassured that I wasn't and she wants to be with me and there is no one better than me and to just give her time. She said she needed time cause she didn't want to hurt me and didn't want me to hurt her too and I assured that I wouldn't hurt her and that I was the one who should be cautious, not her.

 

What was upsetting me was that she was still letting her ex control her and still talking to him after she said weeks ago that she was gonna drop him. She broke up with him by the way. We were supposed to spend some time together one evening at home and drink and she called me at work drunk (she had already started our party) and was crying saying her ex was sleeping with someone and that she still had feelings for him and wasn't over him, so I tried to be understandable and said it takes time to get over someone, etc.

 

The next day while she went out job hunting I went to both their myspace pages and she had make an I love you comment to him and he had made one back saying he was sorry he couldn't make it in town the other night and didn't mean to disappoint her. I was PISSED!!! I was pissed cause she told me weeks ago REPEATEDLY that she did not want to be with her ex anymore, but she still cared for him and had feelings. She said she wanted to be with me. Anyways when she came back to my house I was cold to her and said "you not over him, there is still something going on." She replied with "It's over between me and him!" I said that it wasn't cause I could tell. She then got mad and grabbed her stuff and left. I then sent her a nasty text saying just to go and be with him and thanks for wasting my time and that everything you said a month ago was a lie and that we are not going anywhere cause of him and that you need to figure out what you want. About an hour later I check her myspace again and she has a blog titled "her ex's name" and wrote about how much he means to her, how she is still madly and deeply in love with him and that whomever he dates next is one lucky girl and that even though she needs to move on and let go she can't do it yet and it will be awhile and that if he's ready to move on he should but that she wants to approve who he dates next. etc. She had written this as soon as she left my place after our fight. That was just a punch in the stomach

 

Later she sent me a sarcastic text saying thanks for the gas money you promised me and I said thanks for wasting my time. I then texted her "goodbye" and she said "what the hell?" then a couple hours later she starts begging me for the gas money saying she'll pay me back friday?! I ignore her then hours later she texts me and asks if I'm jogging later. I still didn't respond. The next day she texts and says it's rude to ignore someone, and once again I don't respond. Why is she acting so weird asking for gas money and if I'm jogging later and not dealing with the bigger issue here?

 

I haven't gotten any texts today. My "goodbye" and my intentions were to start NC again which I am doing now. I won't respond to any of her texts or calls from now on.

 

I just don't get it, it sounds like she wants her ex back now instead of me. She promised she wouldn't hurt me. Sometimes I think she just used me as a cushion for when she came back to my city so she wouldn't be alone, but she has been up and down with me for over 2 years, but she has said before that she couldn't imagine me not in her life and it kills her when I don't talk to her. I know she is still attracted to me and loves me. I think pretty highly of myself now and know I would be a great boyfriend. About her ex - this guy does drugs and sells them, is unattractive, has no money, bounces from job to job is 27 years old and is going no where in life, has been in jail, and I am exactly the opposite.

 

She is 22 and bipolar by the way, so she is not always stable and seems she looks for the unstable to date.

 

Does she even understand what she has done to me, she just stormed off the other day. I don't get it. Is she just young and dumb, and should I just let her go? Did I do the right thing by cutting her off and ignoring her? Is there anything I could have done differently? She says she doesn't want her ex back, but does it sound like she does?

[Art_Critic]

She is 22 and bipolar by the way,

 

She will never understand how you feel .. I was married for 5 years to someone that was bipolar and to the day the divorce was final she never understood how her behavior led to the destruction of the marriage..

I never once ever got an apology from her for the fights she created or the problems that were created by her spending issues.

 

 

You need to drop this girl like she is a piece of hot metal..

 

The chaos that encircles her life will always be there and she will always create the chaos because that is what she needs to live.

 

By the way.. She is mentally sick.. it isn't her fault that she is that way.. but that is still no excuse for you to tie yourself to someone that in the end will pull you down and make your life tough.

[D-Lish]

Whoa....

 

YOU NEED TO REMOVE YOURSELF FROM THIS PERSON'S LIFE.

 

She is toying with your emotions and you just keep letting her draw you in over and over again. She is bad news. If you allow her to remain in your life she will tear your heart to shreds over and over again.

 

Say good bye and don't allow her back in your life.

She's confused and unstable and she's messing with your heart without any regard for your feelings whatsoever.

 

Let this other guy deal with her instability. She's sucked enough life out of you- it's time to start living for you.

 

Bad news I tell you- very bad news.

[Art_Critic]

She's sucked enough life out of you- it's time to start living for you.

I agree...

 

Being involved with someone that is Bipolar takes an incrediable strength and understanding of the illness..

 

If you stay involved with her I would suggest reading up on the illness or even seeking advice about it from a therapist

[figgurinoutlife]

I know it's not her fault she has it, it just breaks my heart. Why does she need the chaos to live? That is interesting. I wish she understood how I felt, sometimes I think she does cause the first time I went NC she wrote me an apology letter that made me think she really did understand that she drug me through the mud and how she treated me. Do you think she will ever be in a stable relationhsip? Is it me, or her?

[westernxer]

Do you think she will ever be in a stable relationhsip?

 

Who cares?

 

She's your ex.

[LakesideDream]

Come on guy, read what you posted. You "get it". You wrote it all down.

 

Just let it pass. Maybe five years from now, if she cleans up, and straightens her life out, and you feel like wasting a little time you can say "Hi". Until then, you are in great shape. Stay that way !