prncssfce9 Posted September 29, 2006 Posted September 29, 2006 At the risk of sounding like a total whiner .... i am terribly lonley. I've been broken up with my long term boyfriend for about 3 months now and nothing feels right anymore. i come everyday and i just feel like there is something missing. but i don't want him back, i have no feeling left for him, and am still terribly angry with him for everything he did that hurt me. but i miss having someone here. i don't even know if that makes sense, but i was with him for almost 4 years. i was used to having someone around all the time. im was used to having someone to give me hug after a bad day and i was used to not being alone. i am trying to be ok with being by myself, and i am working on the "alone time" that people keep telling me I need. But nothing seems to be helping. I find myself sitting around at home and at work just wishing that there was someone around for me talk to ... i don't even want to talk ABOUT anything, I just want someone around. I feel stupid complaining about all this, and I am scared to say this to people. I don;t want them thinking that I am complaining or being needy. I have always come across as confident to people and I don't want to let people in on the fact that I have this empty sad feeling that is leaving me feeling horribly insecure.
D-Lish Posted September 29, 2006 Posted September 29, 2006 There is nothing wrong with showing your vulnerability at a time like this.... that way you can receive the love and support you need. After being with someone for four years- it's going to take time to get over the break up- regardless of the circumstances and whether or not you still care for the person. You don't have to be confident and together all the time. You should allow yourself to grieve- and do it with the support of friends and family. Sorry you feel lonley. I know the feeling. It's hard to deal with- the uncertainty, the dip in self esteem. But the void that is left after that period of time isn't something you can just get over immediately. I went to the book store and bought a lot of self help/relationship kind of books- and they really did help. They helped me have insight into my own issues and short comings. When you do things for yourself- inevitably, you just start to feel a bit better. It's only been a short time for you- give it time. Get to know yourself again. Take care, D
In Sync Posted September 29, 2006 Posted September 29, 2006 At the risk of sounding like a total whiner .... i am terribly lonley. I've been broken up with my long term boyfriend for about 3 months now and nothing feels right anymore. i come everyday and i just feel like there is something missing. but i don't want him back, i have no feeling left for him, and am still terribly angry with him for everything he did that hurt me. but i miss having someone here. i don't even know if that makes sense, but i was with him for almost 4 years. i was used to having someone around all the time. im was used to having someone to give me hug after a bad day and i was used to not being alone. i am trying to be ok with being by myself, and i am working on the "alone time" that people keep telling me I need. But nothing seems to be helping. I find myself sitting around at home and at work just wishing that there was someone around for me talk to ... i don't even want to talk ABOUT anything, I just want someone around. I feel stupid complaining about all this, and I am scared to say this to people. I don;t want them thinking that I am complaining or being needy. I have always come across as confident to people and I don't want to let people in on the fact that I have this empty sad feeling that is leaving me feeling horribly insecure. Find a purpose in your life. Simply by saying I am lonely actually sets in motion your destiny to remain lonely. And all the wishing in the world won't change that. There is no shame in feeling lonely but there is something that you and only you can do to get out of that. It's not enough to just work and come home...Think about doing something that interests you, that stirss you creative juices...something outside of work but pure pleasur. It's hard to do this...I know it is, but I assure you if you make the first step the second and third and hundredth step will be easier. Take a writing class, a dance glass, join a yoga group, painting class...if need be go to a spiritual meditation or bible study class..ANYTHING that gets you to enjoy utilizing your mind and focusing on something construtive. There's also volunteering helping others in need. There's a sense of joy and contentment by helping others. Do you realize that when you do something that makes you feel go, you can not entertain feeling bad at the same time?
Jane Doe Posted September 29, 2006 Posted September 29, 2006 I agree with In Sync. You need to get yourself out there and get busy. You're spending too much time pontificating over this. What you're feeling is totally normal. You aren't as alone as you think.
bchlvr Posted September 29, 2006 Posted September 29, 2006 I'd like to share a bit of my experience with the hope that it will be helpful to you. Like you, I am experiencing loneliness with the loss of a significant relationship. Over the past three months, I have forced myself to attend church functions where I have a few acquaintences (and I'm Jewish!), social gatherings that emerged from those functions; joined a community organization, etc etc. Each time, I had to force myself to get in the car and driving all the way I would think: "What the hell am I doing...." "Is it worth putting out all this energy and money for child care too!! Yes. There is no way I could have predicted in advance how most of these experiences have helped to lessen my grief, stimulate my mind in new ways, and make new connections. And as you know one connection leads to another. Right now, I go to things with the intention of developing friendships, a learning experience or even simply having a conversation with somebody interesting. I try not to think in terms of "meeting somebody." That is just a set up for feeling anxious and overly vulnerable. I try to see "getting out there" as coming from a point of strength. I don't want to create high expectations that may sabotage the positive things I'm trying to do for myself. It takes time and some things you find out are not your cup of tea. But even so, you are creating energy that will propell you forward.
Recommended Posts