She wants to take a break and she has feelings for someone else

[DanDude]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman]It’s been only five days since the situation first happened and I’ve gone through several stages of thought. I’ve come to the conclusion that this is not going to end well. I really would appreciate any insight that anyone could give. I’m just trying to figure out what I should expect. If the initial conversation wasn’t enough of a shock I’d like to be prepared for the most likely outcome, which I think I already know. [/FONT][/sIZE]

[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]My girlfriend of more than three years came over last Saturday night and I could tell that her demeanor wasn’t very good. She showed signs of this starting the day before. Finally I turned the t.v. off and asked her what was the matter. She began to tell me that for the past few months she has been very unhappy with our relationship because I have not shown her enough affection or attention. She sited a few examples, and I admitted there were a few incidents where I didn’t act in a way that I should have. There have however been circumstances in my life lately that have kept me very preoccupied. This topic did come up once before, several months ago, and I did tell her that to some degree she has to understand that I’m just not an overly affectionate or emotional person. The discussion concluded when she said that she would deal with that because she could not stand to lose me. Now this second time that it comes up she tells me that she wants to take a break. I began asking what that means and then shortly after that she starts crying and says that she has developed feelings for someone else. That caused me to really start sobbing because for me that spelled the end. I went to my bedroom with my face in the pillow and she came in and put her hand on my back. I had to leave the room because being comforted by someone that just stabbed you in the heart is not the greatest feeling in the world. From the bathroom I asked her to please leave because I couldn’t deal with any more of this right now.[/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]Since then I have sent her a few emails during the week. She actually answered one which I asked to know some details about this other person that she has feelings for. She refused to tell me who it was, but I’m pretty sure I already know. She did however answer my other questions and this other person knows nothing. Over the last week I started out being angry that she didn’t tell me how she was unhappy for so long because there would have been something that I could have done about it. I just sent her the last email that I will send and was very clear about how I feel. I basically told her that I would be willing to work through this problem if she’d just give me the chance. I feel like I was going along in the relationship thinking everything was fine and then BOOM! Something happens and I have no chance to do anything about it.[/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]The biggest obstacle is that I think the person that she has feelings for is someone that she has known since a child. She only sees him when she visits family and it’s only about once a month or less. She does talk to him on the phone as well.[/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]I just feel that my history with her can’t compare with that of someone that she has known for so long. I think that most likely if she could have a relationship with this other person she would. At this point I think I better start thinking about the aftermath of this relationship because it’s going to be over soon.[/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]Please let me know what you think, and ask anything you would like.[/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]Thanks.[/sIZE][/FONT]

[higherground5]

I always compare relationships to a "rubber band"--the more you lean forward, the more she leans back, and vice versa. Instead of writing her an email, I would talk to her in person and tell her how you feel--it's much more meaningful. Then I would pull back. Don't completely shut yourself off from her, but pull back a lot. This might make her realize what she's missing, and if she sees that you moved on with your life, that will make her crave to back again. On the flip side, she might move on, and if that's the case, stay occupied so you're not constantly thinking about her.

[DanDude]

I would have liked to call her but she text messaged me telling me that she's too emotional to talk to me right now. She's basically shut off communication from me which doesn't seem to be a good sign. I sent her a total of four emails, in the last one I stated that I wasn't going to contact her again but rather wait to hear from her. I'm just trying to be mentally prepared for when that happens.

Thanks again for the advice. I appreciate it!