pricillia Posted September 29, 2006 Posted September 29, 2006 Hi everyone, I am finding that I have become increasingly angry with the MM situation, I have not been this angry in a long long time. MM is really starting to get on my nerves, and It is starting to show. Also other people are starting to bug me. I need to take a breath, because I am otherwise a very outgoing friendly person.
Author pricillia Posted September 29, 2006 Author Posted September 29, 2006 Because It is all just hitting me now, I did not think that he was married until a few weeks ago, When I found out I said to myself ok that is it, I would like to have a healthy relationship with a man... Yamaha, I honestly am in love with him. I know that I have to say goodbye and it angers me that I found out he is a liar, and he is still lying to me about an issue that I know about and he is not telling me the truth. Listen I know that I do not have a future with him that is a given. I have not called him he makes it a point to call me, if I do not say something he likes he is abrupt and hangs up on me. But the next day he calls me like nothing happened. He did this to me last night, I called him back to tell him that is the last time that he will ever hang up on me. You know I am not angry with him, let him be the way he will be, I just have to slowly let go. I am angry mostly with myself I guess for still being in this situation. Is any of this making sense. I always told myself that I am going to appreciate life and all it has to offer be there for my friends and family, and be true to myslef, this is not what I am doing.
BenThereDunThat Posted September 29, 2006 Posted September 29, 2006 Because It is all just hitting me now, I did not think that he was married until a few weeks ago, When I found out I said to myself ok that is it, I would like to have a healthy relationship with a man... Yamaha, I honestly am in love with him. I know that I have to say goodbye and it angers me that I found out he is a liar, and he is still lying to me about an issue that I know about and he is not telling me the truth. Listen I know that I do not have a future with him that is a given. I have not called him he makes it a point to call me, if I do not say something he likes he is abrupt and hangs up on me. But the next day he calls me like nothing happened. He did this to me last night, I called him back to tell him that is the last time that he will ever hang up on me. You know I am not angry with him, let him be the way he will be, I just have to slowly let go. I am angry mostly with myself I guess for still being in this situation. Is any of this making sense. I always told myself that I am going to appreciate life and all it has to offer be there for my friends and family, and be true to myslef, this is not what I am doing. Oh, 'cilla, I SO know what you are going through!! It's good that you're angry -- almost there, as I like to think of it! Never in a million years would I think I would be in this situation. If I heard about it before this, I'd be like "dumb ass" what did ya think would happen?! DUH!!! I am in love with my (ex!)MM, but I'm too smart, too pretty, too much FUN, to put up with it. I'm lucky in that, he doesn't try too hard to suck me in. He's just subtle enough that I can pull him in when I'm feeling weak, and strong enough that when I push him away, he stays away. Mostly. In the background, at least. It does get better. I promise. Yes, I'm still struggling. But not at all like I was. So I figure, it's lessend this much in this much time, it will only just keep lessening. I hope THAT makes sense. <<hugs>>, BTDT
once removed Posted September 29, 2006 Posted September 29, 2006 /hugs and I'm sorry you’re hurting. The only advice I can give you is forgiving him for being him but most of all forgive yourself. It's hard, it hurts but if you really think on it honesty is to important in a relationship. Lick your ouchies, let yourself grieve for you loss. Remember to eat or not eat depending on how you deal with pain. It will get better. Remember when the pain hits find a way to be proactive and not distractive or reactive. And know sometimes life cleans house to open up a whole new world of possibilities. These are the things I tell myself in all the bs I'm going though. Just never ever ever ask yourself how life could get any worst, trust me on that one
BenThereDunThat Posted September 29, 2006 Posted September 29, 2006 Aww, OR, how are you doing? I've been thinking about you. I know you've been through way worse than the OW thing....
Yamaha Posted September 29, 2006 Posted September 29, 2006 When you said you were so angry I figured you were in love with him. Anger is an emotion that is so raw because we were hurt so bad. You need to realize that it is not your fault if you did not know he was married. He deceived you and you are not to blame. How did you meet him? ( does he work with you?)
Author pricillia Posted October 1, 2006 Author Posted October 1, 2006 When you said you were so angry I figured you were in love with him. Anger is an emotion that is so raw because we were hurt so bad. You need to realize that it is not your fault if you did not know he was married. He deceived you and you are not to blame. How did you meet him? ( does he work with you?) I work in the same building as him, but we do not work together. I do love him deeply. I did not expect to feel the way I feel. On Friday after he hung up on me yet again, I called him to finally end it, after the second time of him not answering, I just left him a message to let him know that I can not do this anymore and that I am sorry. I told him that we should be kind to eachother and for him not to be mean to me because my heart could not take it. He called me up and left me a message telling me that it was over, he was talking so fast and he was soooo mad that I got bits and peices of what he said. He did not call me for the rest of the day and I did not call him. Yesterday he did call me we talked, he wanted me to come visit him and I told him I needed time by myslef. He said take all the time that you need. The day went by and I did not call but he made it a point to call me at 11:45 in to say that he knows I need time but I could have at least called him. so frustrating this is going to be harder then I thought.
Yamaha Posted October 1, 2006 Posted October 1, 2006 If you really want to get over him you are going to have to apply NC. Seeing him and talking to him will just make you want to be with him. Your time apart will help you to let your love for him be manageable. I believe you really never get over the ones you really love but you do learn to deal with your emotions. After a time you can speak to him but for now you need to end as much contact as possible. If he asks you need to be straight with him and if he doesn't understand then he is not even worth the love you had for him.
Author pricillia Posted October 1, 2006 Author Posted October 1, 2006 If you really want to get over him you are going to have to apply NC. Seeing him and talking to him will just make you want to be with him. Your time apart will help you to let your love for him be manageable. I believe you really never get over the ones you really love but you do learn to deal with your emotions. After a time you can speak to him but for now you need to end as much contact as possible. If he asks you need to be straight with him and if he doesn't understand then he is not even worth the love you had for him. got it, that is some good advice Yamaha. Thanks
once removed Posted October 1, 2006 Posted October 1, 2006 I'm doing better Beenthere. I am Jaded and not sure when or if I'll let anoter get close to me. For now my life is my kids and giving them the best I can give. They are all that matter.
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