Brother is dating a MW

[sweetspicey]

My brother who I love dearly and am very close to is dating a MW. This is not like him, he was engaged to a woman his own age (26) and she left him about two years ago. Since then he hasn't really dated anyone. He met this MW at a gas station he stops for coffee at on his way to work. She is 4 years older than him with two kids. She's been married for five years and her son with her husband is 3. Her older son lives with his father and she never sees him. I'm not sure how the affair started- i think it was just two lonely people being friends that turned into more. My brother never takes his MW out on dates (afraid of getting caught) and all they ever do is hang out at his house (he still lives with our parents) Our parents don't know that MW is still married. He has told them she doesn't live with her husband and thats she's separtated and has been so for a few years but can't afford divorce. He doesn't tell any of his friends that he is even seeing this woman. I know that she is married because I found out by accident. I asked him about it and he admitted it to me and said that MW has a bad marriage. That her husband doens't work (he received a huge settlement a few years ago for an on the job accident) and he is mentally abusive to her. That he constantly puts her down (she isn't very attractive and he tells her this all the time.) My brother says that MW told him that she loves her husband but wants to leave him.

That he is mentally abusive to their son.

That she has to have sex with her husband beacause he forces her (rapes her basically) and holds her down and makes her have sex with him. (even though he's disabled)

That she's never been happier than with my brother

That she wants to leave her husband and be with my brother

that she will get divorced but wants to wait for the "right time"

 

So basically she tells my brother she is miserable, that her husband is mentally abusive and also forces her to have sex with him, that he is abusive to their son, that she is miserable and wants a divorce. Yet her actions are totally the opposite. My brother has tried to talk her into leaving her husband (he loves her) and he seems drawn to people who need taken care of. She has one excuse after another why now is not the right time to leave. When my brother decided he had enough and tried to leave her - the first time she told him she was pregnant and wasn't sure whose baby it was -his or her husband's but that she "just had a feeling" it was my brothers. So he goes back to her and three weeks later she claims she had a miscarriage. After the supposed miscarriage she tries to guilt my brother by telling him she knew it was his and that she is sorry becasue she wished they could have had a child together (even though my brother doesn't want kids right now) The 2nd time he tried to break it off wtih her she showed up where he works and was crying, screaming at him (he told me this) and she took a knife out of her car and slit her wrists open right in front of him. She had to be rushed to the hospital. Now my brother feels too guilty to leave her- afraid she will hurt herself.

i know my brother loves her as crazy as the situation is. He wants her to get divorced and be with HIM. But I don't think MW wants to get divorced. I suspect that her life with her H isn't all that bad, she is just missing something in her marriage and foudn that with her brother. But I dont' think she has any intentions of leaving her husband because she probably gets something from him (a place to live, stability) that she doesn't get from my brother. Am I right? Do you think she will ever leave her husband? I am concerned about my brother and want him to move on because he doesn't seem happy anymore. I just wonder if he and his MW have a future?

[Guest]

I'm a former MW who was having an affair with a single man. I"m not exactly sure of your brother's situation and I never acted as your brother's MW is acting (maybe she is depressed?) but I can almost promise you that his MW won't leave her husband for him. I was in a similiar situation with my lover saying he would take care of me and wanted me to leave my husband. I led him on becuase I NEEDED him in my life to feel any kind of happiness. Yet I wouldn't leave my husband because of hte security and the fear of the unknown.

 

I made all kinds of excuses, and yes even lied to my lover about how my husband treated me. I told him all kinds of stories about my husband even though they were exaggerated and some not true at all. I was mostly bored with my husband and strongly missing an emotional connection with him and when my lover came along he made me feel so good about myself. WHere as my husband ignored me most of the time and took me for granted my lover was always complimenting me and making me feel like a queen. It was like a drug, an addiction, I couldn't be happy in my marriage without my lover, adn yet I couldnt' leave my husband because I needed everything to make the picture whole.

 

I did get divorced and I truly regret how I hurt my family. I know I did wrong and I paid for it. Did i end up with my lover? No, even though he wanted me to. So my honest oppinion is that your brother should move on.