sapphire0903 Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 Hi again all! Tuesday I posted a thread saying how things were okay with me even though I broke up with my mm saw him on Monday, and I did not get upset or cry, that I was getting over him slowly. Last night he called and asked me to dinner and I accepted. It was all very pleasant, the couple of times he broght up the day we "broke up" I asked to change the subject, and that I am tired of crying over this. ( I am trying to look at him with new eyes ....friends eyes) So anyway, he is holding my hand through out dinner,( I still notice no ring) and when he brings me home, we chit chat for a little while, I walk him to his car to leave. BAM!!! He kisses me,holds me, SPARKS ARE FLYING. We stop after a few minutes of this, and HE goes to his apartment ALONE. (no sex) Damn, I thought I was doing so good!!! I cried after he left even though I said I was not anymore. I just wish I knew if this is how it is with his wife????????????? (the intensity I mean) If I could see for myself that he is so into his wife as he is with me, I think it would be easier for me to feel like I am not so special to him. How can he be working on his marriage, if he still contacts me, kisses me, and wants to see me, tells me he misses me,and that he loves me??? I still have not changed my mind about dating, I have gotten a few "nibbles" but no one is knocking my door down. Maybe I should just forgo dating all together for a while..........I really need to get over him. Ya'll please give me some feed back, men and women alike. You are all great and all of the comments are appreciated.
Ariadne Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 Hi, How can he be working on his marriage, if he still contacts me, kisses me, and wants to see me, tells me he misses me,and that he loves me??? Well, my MM told me that it'd be perfect for him if he were a Mormon or born in another culture where you could have many wives. He said he loved us both. Some guys can be happy with many women. I still have not changed my mind about dating, I have gotten a few "nibbles" but no one is knocking my door down. My affair with the MM was the best sex of my life. I've had good, but nothing came even close to that. Ever. Ariadne
NoIDidn't Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 I just wish I knew if this is how it is with his wife????????????? (the intensity I mean) You would be disappointed. M sex isn't as intense, but it is much more sustaining. It is good, but sparks don't fly every single time. If I could see for myself that he is so into his wife as he is with me, I think it would be easier for me to feel like I am not so special to him. Just because it would not be as intense, he could still be very into his W. Especially if he is still with her. And don't hinge your specialness on how he treats you. You are special just for existing and being good to YOURSELF. We all want to be special to someone else, but the most important person to feel special to is OURSELVES. When we feel that, we don't need anyone else to validate us. M or Single. How can he be working on his marriage, if he still contacts me, kisses me, and wants to see me, tells me he misses me,and that he loves me??? My H told me "No offense, but when I was talking to her, I wasn't thinking about you. I was thinking about me and how I was feeling." When he is home, he thinks of his M, when he is with you, he is thinking of himself. Not even thinking about you when he is with you. (but that's the way it goes with almost all of us - we think of how the other makes us feel, NOT that we want their happiness more than anything else in the world) My vote is don't date, but don't see him either. See yourself. Work on you. Figure out what you really want and who you really want in your life. When you do that, you won't accept less than what YOU want.
will2power Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 I just wish I knew if this is how it is with his wife????????????? (the intensity I mean) No... you don't. Even if its not as intense, I still wouldn't want to imagine my sMM with his stbxw when we were apart from each other. I knew that they were intimate when he went home but I don't want to even go there. If I could see for myself that he is so into his wife as he is with me, I think it would be easier for me to feel like I am not so special to him. You should not care if you are special to him or not... you should turn your focus on losing hope of a future with this man as that is the only way you will heal from the R. How can he be working on his marriage, if he still contacts me, kisses me, and wants to see me, tells me he misses me,and that he loves me??? as my sMM says, 'deeds speak louder than words'. You are enabling him to have an A with you. If you love yourself, then stand firm and tell him that you only want to hear from him when he is free to be with you, without shame and without secrecy. I still have not changed my mind about dating, I have gotten a few "nibbles" but no one is knocking my door down. No one is knocking your door down because you are still harbouring hope to have a future with your MM. Give up the hope and someone will be able to knock down your door. Maybe I should just forgo dating all together for a while..........I really need to get over him. dating is a good distraction. Continuing to talk to MM is not. Cut all contact no matter how much it hurts in the beginning and focus on healing. Good luck. W2P.
Jane Doe Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 The "sparks" he feels are likely sparks from knowing he's got your wrapped around his little finger and can toy with you any time he wants to. He knows you're a puppet on a string and will perform for him at his whim. You knew exactly what you were getting into when you accepted his dinner invitation. The whole "friends" thing merely gives you a weak excuse to keep seeing him. Why do you continue to disrespect yourself this way? You already know what the outcome will be. If he truly loved you, truly had sparks and connections with you, he would be with you. I'm honestly not trying to be harsh here, but what I'm saying is true. I get so angry sometimes when I read these threads and watch you ladies torture yourself this way.
lovernotafighter Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 You would be disappointed. M sex isn't as intense, but it is much more sustaining. It is good, but sparks don't fly every single time. Just because it would not be as intense, he could still be very into his W. Especially if he is still with her. And don't hinge your specialness on how he treats you. You are special just for existing and being good to YOURSELF. We all want to be special to someone else, but the most important person to feel special to is OURSELVES. When we feel that, we don't need anyone else to validate us. M or Single. My H told me "No offense, but when I was talking to her, I wasn't thinking about you. I was thinking about me and how I was feeling." When he is home, he thinks of his M, when he is with you, he is thinking of himself. Not even thinking about you when he is with you. (but that's the way it goes with almost all of us - we think of how the other makes us feel, NOT that we want their happiness more than anything else in the world) My vote is don't date, but don't see him either. See yourself. Work on you. Figure out what you really want and who you really want in your life. When you do that, you won't accept less than what YOU want. awesome post NID!! very well said! my MM did a shocker to me yesterday and I didn't bite and it felt good. one time he did exactly what yours did during NC and I knew it was coming and is was very 'gone with the wind' -ish..I was swept away. but the same thing kept happening over and over and we both agree we are in a torrent, a honeymoon phase and can't snap out of it. we have been broken up 3 weeks today, it is hard but one day sapphire0903 you won't want to be bothered even thinking whats going on with him and his wife, in fact the fact you thought it will probably make you ill..we all have the point of no return, it's just a matter of time.
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