rina_r Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 Either i am not in the mood today or what...Decided to come here and whine. I am dating a wonddrful guy in all aspects.But some things bother me. 1 - he always tries to please me even if my wishes do not go along with his. But he never tells me about it. He will go places with me even if he thinks it is boring.I told him he can be honest with me but.. people say he is just such type of person. I just dont want him doing things for me and because of me and internally thinking "oh, how i am tired/annoyed/bored with it" 2 - Not enoug sex (1-2 a week, weekends only) and it freaking frustrates me. Yes, he works, gets tired etc.But so do i. But...it does not prevent me from wanting sex with him.And it seems i am always the initiator. Anyway, first point was addressed, no changes. Second will be addressed this weekend. Any inputs are welcome.
laRubiaBonita Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 JUST THOSE 2? that's it? and you are complaining? Oh Please! Be thankful you have a great guy who wants to please you..... as for the sex thing, tell him you are going to go some place that YOU know he finds totally boring...... tell him to pick you up, and meet him at the door in NOTHING!
Author rina_r Posted September 28, 2006 Author Posted September 28, 2006 You know what , Bonita? When i feel when something can develop into a problem, i try to prevent it, not just drop it and forget it like many people do. As for the sex advice - you did not read my post attentively.
sweetheart21 Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 Hey Rina! I think that you sound like a secure, independant chick.. your bf sounds like a very insecure person if he is constantly agreeing with everything just to please you. He sounds like he would probably be a bit clingy etc. Also with the sex thing some people just dont have a high sex drive.. I dont think it has anything to do with you. But I do think that your personalities are too different for the relationship to work for much longer. You will just get more and more frustated! Maybe you could try and find someone a bit more similar to yourself?
typical Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 Second will be addressed this weekend. Or rather, undressed... :lmao: Nevermind me
laRubiaBonita Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 You know what , Bonita? When i feel when something can develop into a problem, i try to prevent it, not just drop it and forget it like many people do. As for the sex advice - you did not read my post attentively. maybe you just did not express yourself in way i could understand.... why must the interpretor be the problem... maybe it is the communicator?
Author rina_r Posted September 28, 2006 Author Posted September 28, 2006 Bonita, others understood so it is not communicator. Sweetheart, he is actually very independent and secure too.And we are doing fine. I guess i am just not used to someone being so much about me. In other aspects we are much alike so I d rather work it all/talk it all out than drop it. But thanks for your post.
laRubiaBonita Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 ok... it's just me... hence the blonde. :D
Author rina_r Posted September 28, 2006 Author Posted September 28, 2006 ok... it's just me... hence the blonde. :D Dye your hair! Thanks for the laugh.
laRubiaBonita Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 i am in the same boat as you though, rina_r..... the small-yet-could-be-big-thing-boat. me and my guy do not have sex often enough...i do not even remember the last time! he wants me to be happy and do stuff i wanna do, but he either decides that we will do something different at the last second, or he simply flakes out on me. and he hates his job, so he always has this pissy undertone about him. so i am very interested to see some responses!
Author rina_r Posted September 28, 2006 Author Posted September 28, 2006 I see, I mean i feel what you feel. I personally want to just talk to him straight forwardly and see what he has to say bc aside from sex (heck with the pleasing issue #1) everything is wonderful. And well, if he tries to please me all the time, maybe he will do something about sex situation. Because i really really do not want to lose him but i also cannot be left frustrated all the time. As i said i hope to do it this weekend.
laRubiaBonita Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 And well, if he tries to please me all the time, maybe he will do something about sex situation. Because i really really do not want to lose him but i also cannot be left frustrated all the time. As i said i hope to do it this weekend. i think this is the perfect straight-forward thing to say to him. and then mention your jackrabbit and how userfriendly it is!
Author rina_r Posted September 28, 2006 Author Posted September 28, 2006 and then mention your jackrabbit and how userfriendly it is! What??? Yeah, also i dont ask for sex every day, maybe one more time in the middle of the week, or not even sex but some petting and stuff. As far as your situation, Bonita, have you talked to him about changing jobs? Maybe he will find something more satisfying and will stop being pissy (unless it is just his character, i cant judge here).?
laRubiaBonita Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 As far as your situation, Bonita, have you talked to him about changing jobs? Maybe he will find something more satisfying and will stop being pissy (unless it is just his character, i cant judge here).? i have mentioned it... he says it all the time... and i am sick of hearing hime bitch and complain all the time.... he says he does not like to complain about it either... but i do not know. can't he just hold in! he is like every guy i have dated.... maybe it is because most of my serious BF have been only children... i dunno, it's a crappy excuse! he is somewhat selfish, but at the same time, i do not think it is always his intention. i just dunno..... we have only been dating for 5 months.
narcist_ave Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 You said that you talked about #1 with him and there was no change. This will sound bad, but perhaps you weren't being "mean" enough to get your point across? And as for #2, all you can do is tell him how you feel! if you put #1 + #2 together its not a bad mix eh?
insomnie Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 You know, I went through those two EXACT problems with my boyfriend for a while. And you know what? Things got better, though it took a long time. The pleasing thing...I just had to express to him over and over again that I just wanted him to be honest about waht he wanted to do, and that it didn't make me happy when he tried too hard. After about a year and a half it sunk in... The sex issue took even longer. After the honeymoon wore off we were having sex like once a week, usually pretty boring sex. He'd try to please me and all, but it didn't feel like either of us were really into it. It made me pretty unhappy...and I would nag him aout how I needed more, how he wasn't meeting my needs, what the hell is wrong with you, etc. Didn't work....it just made him want sex even less. And then I thougth about what kind of sex he WOULD be up for more often. For my boyfriend, it was the kind whre he didn't HAVE to be turned on or even work to please me...basically, the completely pressure-free kind. I let him know (and this took many small tlaks) that sometimes I just want to touch him. That touching doens't have to be about the sex, that I just want his body to be mine, too, and to be able to play with it sometimes without any pressure on him to perform. And for us, that worked. We've been having sex approximatley 4 times a week for th epast couple of months, and it's never been better. I think the trick to guys and tlaking about sex is to make it non-threatening. THere's a lot of ego tied in with performance and I think a lot of guys feel like less of a man or something if they feel like they aren't meeting your sexual needs. So, make the conversations nontheatening. Kind of...I really like what you're gdoing, but woudlnt it be fun if we spiced it up a notch? Let him open up to you... Hope that helped some...
Author rina_r Posted September 28, 2006 Author Posted September 28, 2006 Yes, it did. Thanks for great post, Insomnie. On my side, sex is grrrreat just not enough.
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