BUTAFLY Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 Its quit simple. 1) you have a wife willing to accept for the sake of family 2) you have an OW willing to protect the MM (stay silent) 3) you have a MM who lies to both. 4) BW & OW are against eachother (won't share info) He is scott free (I have to come back as a man 'cause this is way to easy)
westernxer Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 How can a MM pursue a woman so brazenly? Because he's a stud looking for something fresh, or something like that.
BenThereDunThat Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 Because he's a stud looking for something fresh, or something like that. More like he WISHES/WANTS TO BE a stud.... No, sorry, OP. I don't mean to be cold. Your original question is pretty cryptic. Hard to give a good answer.
Guest-OP Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 More like he WISHES/WANTS TO BE a stud.... No, sorry, OP. I don't mean to be cold. Your original question is pretty cryptic. Hard to give a good answer. I work at a company with a guy 11 years my senior and he actively comes by my office, flirts hard and suggestively and even went as far to tell me that he likes me and can't stop thinking about me. This interaction has progressed over the last several months. For most of that time we just had friendly banter, then he became more complimentary and now we're at this point. He has a certain comfort level with me (including terms of affection.) I've played it really coy for a LONG time and never said anything to him in kind....I would just laugh, until recently. Fast forward to the last month. We talk via email every day and recently he confessed that he really likes me. He likes my personality, humor, body and face. There is mutual attraction and I've flirted back in a "innocent" kind of way but I did concede that I liked him too after he admitted his feelings. This interaction would feel normal if he were single but he's not. I told him that I liked him but that I couldn't pursue it any further and he seemed puzzled as to why. It was via email but I was thinking, "uh, duh because you're married." Anyway, I'm extremely attracted to this man and feel drawn to him. We have a very strong chemistry. The thing is I often forget that I shouldn't have these feelings because he pursues so hard....which leads to my original question. How can he pursue so brazenly? Even coworkers are starting to notice. He's good looking but he doesn't act like a stud so I don't see it as a conceit thing. He's really quite sweet and dorky. What gives? Am I just blind to him? I'm trying to figure him out.
HeyYouGuys Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 Some people are just brazen They know that if they come on to women regularly, a certain percentage will say 'yes' and comply with their wishes It's like working in sales. You get a bunch of no's and then you get a few yesses
whichwayisup Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 So what? Let him chase you...You don't have to react or fall into his arms. You KNOW he's married and acting like a DOG, so the choice is yours on whether or not you go for it. It takes two to tango, and you do have the power to say NO.
outofdarkness Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 How can a MM pursue a woman so brazenly? because he's a jerk who cares nothing about his W, family, reputation, etc...!!and he sounds selfish too
UnknowingOW Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 How can a MM pursue a woman so brazenly? Because he lied about being married!
whichwayisup Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 She obviously knows he's married otherwise this question wouldn't be posed like was...
blind_otter Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 How can a MM pursue a woman so brazenly? Because he's a self absorbed jack ass. I really think you're reading into it a bit too much here.
amgine Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 Guest I know where you are coming from I've asked this question myself but worded it slightly different How can a married man act single? I still don't know the answer myself. There are countless of possible answers Its an ego boost He may be looking for an affair. Best not to do anything to encourage him and his true colours his real desires will come out. I also know about the chemistry felt have been there probably still even there, he may be even a compulsive flirt he knows you are attracted to him so he tries to keep you interested for some unknown reason. Why he does that because he has a wife. I mean if he is true to his wife why does he have to act single all the time. He reminds me of a little puppy who wants your attention all the time. Only time will reveal what he really is like.
Guest-OP Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 Guest I know where you are coming from I've asked this question myself but worded it slightly different How can a married man act single? I still don't know the answer myself. There are countless of possible answers Its an ego boost He may be looking for an affair. Best not to do anything to encourage him and his true colours his real desires will come out. I also know about the chemistry felt have been there probably still even there, he may be even a compulsive flirt he knows you are attracted to him so he tries to keep you interested for some unknown reason. Why he does that because he has a wife. I mean if he is true to his wife why does he have to act single all the time. He reminds me of a little puppy who wants your attention all the time. Only time will reveal what he really is like. After I wrote to elaborate (see passage further up) I continued researching and came across your threads. You seem to be experiencing the EXACT same thing I am. I'm scared because I don't know how strong I can be when his is the only attention I receive and I like his attention very much. I'm thinking maybe I should ask him why he doing this.
amgine Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 Hi Yes i've battled with myself to prevent anything happening, Sometimes i feel strong and tell myself nothing will come of this and tell myself not to flirt. But i do have my weak moments when i do fear what could happen if he decided then to go to the next stage. The chemistry is so intense at times, my working hours are changing so i'll not see much of him i told him that but he said that i'll still pop in to see him. Another time when i saw him 3 times in 24 hours he joked that people will begin to talk wtf is all that about.
amgine Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 I have also asked myself should i question his motives but i don't say anything because a) he may claim i'm imaging all this b) it may encourage him to try something with me. But once you ask the question you can't really take it back
pricillia Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 How can a MM pursue a woman so brazenly? Guest there are many of us OW here that have gone through the same thing. The dorky sweet side you describe sounds like what I had with a MM, I got out of that relationship as I used to work with him up until about 4 months ago. He was definately brazen and was so smart about it. He would e-mail me everyday without fail. The pain of it is, is that I got out of the relationship and started dating this man that I really fell for, One of my first questions was "Are you Married and he swore to me that he was not. Well guess what he was... Long story short. If you get into this relationship with Mr. Brazen you will be hurt and in allot of pain there is no doubt, Does he tell you that he has butterflies in his stomach when he looks at you or you are near. I am sure he brings up the chemistry part of it quite often. They will tell you anything that you want to hear in order to get a piece of you that is a fact.
Yamaha Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 What does he have to lose? If you reject him it really doesn't matter as he has his wife for sex and he will just look for another women. Do you really think you are the first women he has pursued since being married? If he has it in his mind to pursue then he has done it before.
norajane Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 I've played it really coy for a LONG time and never said anything to him in kind....I would just laugh, until recently. We talk via email every day I've flirted back I did concede that I liked him too I don't know how strong I can be when his is the only attention I receive and I like his attention very much. This is why he pursues so brazenly. You allow him to. You're flattered by the attention and you like it. You flirt back. You tell him you like him. You haven't set any boundaries and you allow him to treat you like a potential score.
pricillia Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 What does he have to lose? If you reject him it really doesn't matter as he has his wife for sex and he will just look for another women. Do you really think you are the first women he has pursued since being married? If he has it in his mind to pursue then he has done it before. Yes he has nothing to loose, except his job if you did him in. But he will control that too, I sure he is very very smart about it.
BUTAFLY Posted September 30, 2006 Posted September 30, 2006 First I want to say all the response are great so far and right on. I just got finished watching dateline NBC's To Catch a Preditor and it got me thinking of this thread. But first I want to ask BS a question. Are BS upset because OM/OW was the object of your mates desire for a period of time? OR are you upset at the fact the OW/OM is complaining about having their feelings hurt as a result of being in a relationship with your wife/husband?
Guest--OP Posted October 4, 2006 Posted October 4, 2006 Guest I know where you are coming from I've asked this question myself but worded it slightly different How can a married man act single? I still don't know the answer myself. There are countless of possible answers Its an ego boost He may be looking for an affair. Best not to do anything to encourage him and his true colours his real desires will come out. I also know about the chemistry felt have been there probably still even there, he may be even a compulsive flirt he knows you are attracted to him so he tries to keep you interested for some unknown reason. Why he does that because he has a wife. I mean if he is true to his wife why does he have to act single all the time. He reminds me of a little puppy who wants your attention all the time. Only time will reveal what he really is like. I asked him and he told me. He likes me and wants to date me. We had a very candid conversation. I admitted that I like him but he's unavailable and he said that wants to be with me. He's not saying he's leaving his wife, mind you, but that he doesn't want to deny himself something special just because he in a marriage for the kids. (Sounds incredulous and selfish but I almost feel sorry for him...he's good) I just posted all the details in the unavailable crush thread. I have to find a way to fight this but he is so sweet, charming and persistent. I can totally see now how good women get into affairs. If you are vulnerable and a man pursues you hard you may fall in his arms.
amgine Posted October 4, 2006 Posted October 4, 2006 I can understand that, i am what you might call a good girl, some may say boring but never before in my life would i be tempted to go after a taken man. If i fancied someone and he was taken yes i'd be initially hurt but i would get over it. Until i met this guy. Yes he's charming, incredibly flirtatious certainly makes you feel desireable totally crazy i know that if he was ever to ask me that question, if he ever said he wanted some one to one time i don't know how i could say no. That is terribly bad, but its the honest truth but i also feel guilty for thinking these thoughts, if i see him i want him to hold me to kiss me and yes i dream of him all the time But i somehow wouldnt want an affair with him as i would end up with a broken heart and that it would probably be just sex for him.
norajane Posted October 4, 2006 Posted October 4, 2006 Amgine, keep reminding yourself that you deserve much, much better than a man who is already married and is flirting/cheating on his wife. You deserve a man who wants you and only you, a man who feels he is lucky to have you, a man who can freely give you his heart and his time, a man whom you wouldn't have to sneak around to see, a man whom you can call anytime you want without worrying about his wife, a man who can be there for you whenever and wherever you need him, a man who can spend his holidays with you instead of with his family, a man you can bring home to your family, a man you can go out in public with and introduce to all your friends, a man who can truly be a man worth dreaming about.
amgine Posted October 5, 2006 Posted October 5, 2006 norajane i know you are right i really do. i just wish at times he wouldn't be so friendly.
whichwayisup Posted October 5, 2006 Posted October 5, 2006 You can't control him, only you can control how you react to HIM. It's a test of your strength! Just because he's being "nice" and "friendly" doesn't mean you have to get sucked in. I think you know what you need to do............ This man isn't worth it - Long term pain isn't worth the good feelings he may bring out in you IN the moment. It won't last long and you'll be left wanting more and more...While he goes home to his wife, his family and isn't with you. You DO deserve better!! Don't settle, even if you love this guy, he's married and not yours for taking.
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