bluechocolate Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 Are we so delusional to believe that this is not something that isn't going to affect someone's bf or husband here? hmm... where did I say or infer anything remotely like that?
catgirl1927 Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 Hmmm... cheaper than a wife... (Sound of stoopid_guy running for cover!!!) You'd better run!!!!! :mad: :mad: j/k:p I really wish we could get a guy who does this to come on here and explain why he got married in the first place!
a4a Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 You'd better run!!!!! :mad: :mad: j/k:p I really wish we could get a guy who does this to come on here and explain why he got married in the first place! Security, kids, public image, maid service...... I am thinking that some of these men that get "serviced" may not get any at home for what reason who knows. If my H quit doing the hot monkey lovin' I may consider a paid service from time to time. Who knows, ya don't know until you walk a day in their shoes. Fine example of a service consumer is our friend. His wife is just nasty from inside to out. I can see why he enjoys such services from time to time. Usually a BJ from a stripper. His wife knows he goes to the strip bars but most likely thinks he and the guys are just looking. I so wish he would divorce her and find someone to really be happy with........ he is trapped. She has her pop tarts and he has his occassional skank and suck. And hell yes......... way cheaper than a non working wife or the need to spend money on a girl for dates.
a4a Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 Poor guy. No one should be trapped. Well he is. And it does suck to even watch it. So he has now become a workaholic the only thing in his life that gives him reward. I secretly wish IT would choke on a Pop Tart...... bad I know but dang life for him and so many other people would be so so much better.
a4a Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 Why can't he leave her? Kids, guilt, she will wreck him financially...... he probably will once the kids go to college or get married. I don't get mad at him at all for being a service consumer.
Author JamesM Posted September 28, 2006 Author Posted September 28, 2006 Hmmm... cheaper than a wife... (Sound of stoopid_guy running for cover!!!) Believe it or not, that is a rationalization used for not putting more into the marriage. This route is cheaper and guaranteed. Are we so delusional to believe that this is not something that isn't going to affect someone's bf or husband here? hmm... where did I say or infer anything remotely like that? I took your comment that said it isn't necessary or even good to post regarding what these men do with their time and money. My comment was meant to say that many of these men have wives, girlfriends, and families. When I read some of the naiveness...or so it appears...here regarding strip clubs and massage parlors and escorts, I feel surprised that men and women are not aware of these places. Strip clubs vary from place to place....some girls go all the way, some don't. But when it comes to massage parlors and escorts, my research shows that this is how they make their money. When I read of husbands who cruise escort sites and Boards and are able to convince their partners that they are just looking, I am concerned, because although this is very possible, red flags should be up for any other signs that may indicate more than just a curiosity. Unfortunately, these men ARE for real. They all are not rich. They sneak money from the wife. They hide bonus checks. They have separate credit card accounts under false names, they have prepaid cell phones for "the hobby" and so it goes. The secrecy goes deep. They work late. They take a detour home and spend an hour with a woman. These men can lead double lives well. The need to feed the addiction becomes central in their lives. So, when you wonder, investigate.
stoopid_guy Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 Poor guy. No one should be trapped. No one is trapped, but it's a question of priorities. You're talking about a home, kids, pets, comfortable routine, and finances. It's not just a wife. Personally, I like most aspects of my home life, but not my wife. And yes, I've considered "escorts," just don't think they'd be that satisfying.
Blackfrost Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 I understand some of the shock and wonder that many of the women have posted about on this thread. I've had and have friends who use these services from time to time (it's more frequent then you would like to think), and the reasonings/rationalizations they use can pretty much fall into a couple different categories: 1. <Denied at Home> They get no love or attention at home - for whatever reason. Yes, you can flame away and say "well they should work harder at their relationship, and they wouldn't be in this conundrum." Well, some guys don't want to work at their relationships anymore, too much damage is done there. File for divorce? probably not. Usually the relationship still works on "roomate type levels of taking care of daily business and the kids" but doesn't work on the sexual level anymore. I don't know too many guys who want to split off half or more of their possessions and income with divorce - regardless of how broken he relationship is. 2. <Guaranteed Sex> Yes it can very much be an empowering rush to know that you can meet someone and drop $200 - $300 and be guaranteed to have sex for the next two hours - vs. - dropping $200 - $300 dollars and gettting a simple kiss on the cheek from the wife or girlfriend "who doesn't feel like doing iit tonight." The problem i've noticed again and again in these boards (from women) is that they don't (or should be expected to) think like men do - our genders are very different on certain mental and emotional levels. Men do not always want love, commitment, or having to woo their way up to getting sex. Relationship sex is a very differently played game vs. here's the cash, lets just be animals and not tell each any more then our first names. Women may have a difficult time understanding that mentality, but many guys don't. 3. <I'm old and I want to be young> This is the midlife crisis group who can't deal with losing their wild youth to the realities of getting old, and being with the same person forever....and ever...and ever:p 4. <I don't want to miss out on this in life> These are the guys that go after the MFF 3somes 4somes (whatever fantasy) etc, who know their wives are never going to allow it to happen at home, but they can't imagine going through life without knowing that they never tried this at least once. 5. <I'm bored with the same old same old> These are the guys who just aren't sure what they want anymore, so they're wandering around looking for interesting experiences to spice up the boring life of - mortgage payment, kids college tuition, wife wants another pair of $200 shoes to add to the other 100 pairs she doesn't wear. One of my friends is very much like this, and I have no idea what to tell him. Telling him that he should love his wife and respect the life he has created does not even remotely cut it with guys like this. They could really care less about that. They're far more interested in looking for a new "endorphin rush" type of experience No, many of these guys aren't rich, like James said, they just pocket an occasional $20 here and there until they have enough at the end of the month to go out and do whatever they want to do. Hate it or not, prostitution will pretty much be around forever. The scary thing is, how the internet has made it seem much more acceptable then it used to be. New guys thinking about it (who may never have considered doing it in the past) see these hobbyist boards and see guys who are typical business men like themselves, and they seem to be doing it - so it's can't be all that bad. You gotta love the internet, it's definitely warped and scarred alot of people
Author JamesM Posted September 29, 2006 Author Posted September 29, 2006 Excellent post, BF. You summed up the main reasons very well. The scary thing is, how the internet has made it seem much more acceptable then it used to be. New guys thinking about it (who may never have considered doing it in the past) see these hobbyist boards and see guys who are typical business men like themselves, and they seem to be doing it - so it's can't be all that bad. That is the crux of the problem. When the internet did not give places and people who shared the same "interest" men just had to strike out on their own. It was actually more riskier than it is now from the LE standpoint. However, STDs are just as prevalent, but as BF said, when guys see other guys like themselves doing it with women who become familiar through the internet...well, it becomes a "paid date" and nothing more. These guys feed off each other's exploits. They review the women and take the guesswork out of "dates." And they get to know the women like they are girlfriends. By the time they pay for their time, the men know the women as "friends." (What the men refuse to face is that the women only love them for their money...hence the fantasy. And every time they sleep with a woman from the board, they have slept with every man from the board who has slept with her...ewwww....there goes the fantasy). Ms Pixie asked me if I thought that this escort board made me think that I should have more sex at home than I did. I thought about that question this afternoon, and I can say no. This escort board actually made me realize that I didn't NEED to get it at home, but I could easily get one of these women to fill the void. What truthfully made me realize that my sex life should/could be better was when I came here. When I read of the many women who have boundless sexual energy here but have sexless men, then I sat back and knew I was not alone and should not accept a wife who would not have sex. If I had stayed at the escort board, I never would have worked at my marriage, but I would have started "purchasing sex." This scared me when I realized that inside I was no different than those whom I disdained. Through google, I came here. Again, if reading some of these guys' comments opens the eyes of some woman in a similar situation...maybe it was worth the time wasted. I am willing to guess that most men's wives would never dream of what their husband considers a "hobby."
Guest Posted September 29, 2006 Posted September 29, 2006 Perhaps this is the answer to why these "many women who have boundless sexual energy here" have sexless men!
Mz. Pixie Posted September 29, 2006 Posted September 29, 2006 If I had stayed at the escort board, I never would have worked at my marriage, but I would have started "purchasing sex." This scared me when I realized that inside I was no different than those whom I disdained. Through google, I came here. Hmmmmm- this is kinda what I meant by my earlier question but didn't articulate it well. See, that is what happened with me after my affair- I realized that I was no different inside than the people I once disdained for doing that. Humbling isn't it?
a4a Posted September 29, 2006 Posted September 29, 2006 Again, if reading some of these guys' comments opens the eyes of some woman in a similar situation...maybe it was worth the time wasted. I am willing to guess that most men's wives would never dream of what their husband considers a "hobby." Is this a sort of warning to women that do not give their husbands or bfs enough physical attention at home?
catgirl1927 Posted September 29, 2006 Posted September 29, 2006 And none of these men care they are humiliating their wives? That's what I don't understand. I would NEVER want a man to be married to me because he didn't want me to have any of his stuff. People are just messed up.
a4a Posted September 29, 2006 Posted September 29, 2006 And none of these men care they are humiliating their wives? That's what I don't understand. I would NEVER want a man to be married to me because he didn't want me to have any of his stuff. People are just messed up. Well you could use our service consumer friend as an example. His pop tart gnawing chicken kitchen of a wife is not humiliated. She either does not know or does not care. She shops while he works until the wee hours of the morning. As a matter a fact he just left as his father is dying and she is probably shopping while he makes funeral arrangements. So honestly who gives a rip if this biotch is humiliated or not. She can just spend more time with the personal trainer he pays for her to play with. I can understand why he wants a sexual outlet from time to time via special service providing strippers. She is living the life of luxury, maids, money, new car always, and treats him like dirt while threatening him. "I have the kids already, all you are to me is a paycheck"...... she said this while we were there .....smack infront of us. So who humiliates who here? Once those kids are gone I am sure he will leave her. But in the meantime..... strippers polish his knob from time to time.
stoopid_guy Posted September 29, 2006 Posted September 29, 2006 And none of these men care they are humiliating their wives? That's what I don't understand. I would NEVER want a man to be married to me because he didn't want me to have any of his stuff. People are just messed up. A4a's example is good, but some of these guys are just jerks. On the other hand, how could the wife be humiliated if she never knows? One of the advantages of a "pro" would be discretion.
catgirl1927 Posted September 29, 2006 Posted September 29, 2006 If a wife knows and is ok with it and doesn't care, or is a huge bitch who would steal all his money and use his kids as a weapon, I do not care. F her, she gets what she deserves. My concern is for the women who honestly have no idea they unknowingly married a jerk who cares nothing at all for them and is just using them for maid service. Women who aren't doing anything wrong and really love their husbands and try to be good wives, and their husbands cheat on them and justify it by saying they have "needs." Those are the women I feel for. A man can be humiliating his wife without her knowing, as a matter of fact, her cluelessness is part of what is humiliating her. He is lying to her, she thinks he cares about her and he doesn't. Everyone knows what he is and is laughing at her behind her back for being such a fool.
a4a Posted September 29, 2006 Posted September 29, 2006 If a wife knows and is ok with it and doesn't care, or is a huge bitch who would steal all his money and use his kids as a weapon, I do not care. F her, she gets what she deserves. My concern is for the women who honestly have no idea they unknowingly married a jerk who cares nothing at all for them and is just using them for maid service. Women who aren't doing anything wrong and really love their husbands and try to be good wives, and their husbands cheat on them and justify it by saying they have "needs." Those are the women I feel for. A man can be humiliating his wife without her knowing, as a matter of fact, her cluelessness is part of what is humiliating her. He is lying to her, she thinks he cares about her and he doesn't. Everyone knows what he is and is laughing at her behind her back for being such a fool. Well I know one of those too......the same azzhale that was trying to get in my pants at our wedding reception. After his wife went home early with the kids he stayed and pulled this crap with me. I think those men like this do have power and control issues with women and perhaps even paying for it is a matter of control and power for them. Much like one may order around a paid maid or servant and treat them poorly. I could pay some dude to rub my stink ass feet after meandering through the pasture barefoot...... lick them..... I paid you..... do it - do it now!...... you are a lesser being and I own you...... lick my manure covered feet you man whore. Then I could brag to my girlfriends how I paid some stupid hot looking guy to lick my feet....... yeah I owned him..... made him do what I wanted.
Author JamesM Posted September 29, 2006 Author Posted September 29, 2006 And none of these men care they are humiliating their wives? That's what I don't understand. BF gave a good list of reasons used for the "hobby." The only way a man thinks of his SO/wife is as a seperate life. Either he talks about her in anger because she has no interest in sex or any variety of sex...or he talks of her fondly but whom he has no sexual feeling for. Some men refer to their sex life as better because of the hobby. Sadly none of them think of this as hurting their wives. Many feel that if she doesn't know, it won't hurt her. And many feel that she should be happy he doesn't have an affair! Incredible rationalizations are used. Is this a sort of warning to women that do not give their husbands or bfs enough physical attention at home? It can be considered that in some ways. Women who feel that their husband is happy with a sexless life because he doesn't talk about it should think twice. Men who do alot of travelling, work extra hours, and cannot be reached at any time have great opportunity to develop such habits/addictions as this "hobby." And women who think something isn't just right should consider their gut instinct correct. Personally, I think this is done more often because the man finds the excitement of a double life thrilling. He likes it because he can do it. He can do it because he convinces himself that others do it. He does it because he can rationalize it while it is a secret. If it saw the light of day or if his real name were used on the message board, the real shame of his "hobby" would cause him to reel in horror....if he still had some conscience left regarding his marriage.
Mz. Pixie Posted September 29, 2006 Posted September 29, 2006 I can understand why he wants a sexual outlet from time to time via special service providing strippers. She is living the life of luxury, maids, money, new car always, and treats him like dirt while threatening him. I worked for a man one time who cheated on his wife pretty openly. I always truly believed that she knew about it but didn't care. He was a millionaire and had several planes and she was living the good life. I heard later on though that she left him and got half of his business. He was a real jerk too so that kind of made me laugh. I do not understand the workings of a relationship like that, but I'm not material either. I can be happy with little of nothing or happy in plenty. As long as I have a roof over my head and a little food to eat, I'm good to go. I once lived two weeks on nothing but bean dip and rice cakes! For either partner to be cold and just to refuse to meet the other persons need and to say "Too bad you're stuck with me" is just wrong and IMO that person is asking to be cheated on. I'm not saying it's right, I'm just saying they are opening their relationship up to hurt. It hurts me to think that men actually pine away for a little affection from their wives- and have to seek it out otherwise, because I know how it feels not to have your needs met. How utterly alone and empty you feel.
a4a Posted September 29, 2006 Posted September 29, 2006 It hurts me to think that men actually pine away for a little affection from their wives- and have to seek it out otherwise, because I know how it feels not to have your needs met. How utterly alone and empty you feel. so so agree.
Mz. Pixie Posted September 29, 2006 Posted September 29, 2006 so so agree. That is why after a while that empty and lonely feeling gets to you and sometimes you end up doing things you know you shouldn't do. Been there, done that.
a4a Posted September 29, 2006 Posted September 29, 2006 That is why after a while that empty and lonely feeling gets to you and sometimes you end up doing things you know you shouldn't do. Been there, done that. Yeah like stickin' him in the head with a fork!
stoopid_guy Posted September 29, 2006 Posted September 29, 2006 I can definately understand the desire to cheat, but a prostitute? The worry about "swapping fluids" would be really high, and my understanding is that most will not French kiss. That would take a lot of the joy out of it. Also, she's going to enjoy it as much as me. Why should I be the one paying.
Recommended Posts