prrthd1 Posted September 27, 2006 Posted September 27, 2006 Why do men leave women that truly care about them and want to take care of them? Women that do things for them? Women that don't get angry when they go out with their friends? Women that actually LIKE their friends? Women that don't get angry when they don't get a phone call? Women that don't complain or whine? Women that don't demand every minute of their free time? Basically a woman who cherishes him and loves him so she so she tries not to be b****y or clingy or needy? Just wondering in light of my recent break-up and the things I know about my ex and his new g/f. He had met this girl several months before we started dating, but he told me he was never interested in her and she wouldn't take the hint. She is VERY young and immature (she egged my car when I was dating him, she called him every ten minutes even though she knew he was dating me, she basically wouldn't give up on making him break-up with me). Now I find out that she doesn't like his friends so he never does anything with them anymore (grant it, they don't like her either). His parents don't like her (something he told me was extremely important to him). She controls him and is with him every free minute he has. You get the idea. His ex-wife was very much like the new g/f and he said he never wanted to put up with that again. I truly care about him, I thought he cared about me and I tried my best to be the type of partner he said he had always wanted. I didn't change who I was to accomodate him. That is who I am. I wanted to be there for him and take care of him. I believe that relationships are about compromise so if he did something that upset me a little I just let it go because I do not like to fight. He said he had a "sweetheart image" of me and he loved that with me what you see is what you get. His family and friends loved me and we all did stuff together. I mean, we even like the same college football team and both had a closet full of paraphernelia! It doesn't get any more perfect than that! There are only four reasons I could think of logically that he would do this. 1. He lost interest in me. The initial attraction was gone. I don't know what I would have done to cause this, but....... 2. It took him 6 months to realize that he liked this girl and then decided he liked her more than me. (I'm not one to brag, but according to his family and friends I'm much more attractive than her). 3. She just wouldn't give up so he finally gave in. 4. He got scared because our relationship was so great. SO ALL YOU MEN OUT THERE - is there something that we nice, attractive women are doing wrong? Do you men just prefer a b***h? Is the way to a man's heart to make him miserable? (I'm not saying all men are necessarily like this, so good guys don't take offense).
Heart66 Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 Come on Men---Answer the question! I too am dying to hear the male point if view!
lovestricken Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 just maybe you showed too much care. Some guys like to have that hard to get feeling also. Why go fishing when you can get one at the local market in 5 min. Because it is the satisfaction of us being able to say " I worked hard at this , no way will I give it up"
alphamale Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 SO ALL YOU MEN OUT THERE - is there something that we nice, attractive women are doing wrong? most "nice" women are either average looking or below. I haven't met too many nice gorgeous chicks. Do you men just prefer a b***h? yes, if she's good looking... Is the way to a man's heart to make him miserable? the way into a man's heart is to be a challenge and hard-to-get...
pricillia Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 You can't be too nice and let him step all over you. You need to be a challenge as well. I hope that when he goes out you don't just sit home alone and wonder what he is doing.
Diver012 Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 I can honestly tell you the minute I fell in love with my Ex. It was a statement she made to me in a love letter she wrote to me on Valentines Day... She gave me a picture album with our New Years Eve pictures and a picture of her and her Daughter on Christmas... In the letter she wrote : "I want to fill this photo album with the memory of our life together." By the time I finished reading it I was done. I didnt fall in love with her because she was hard to get. I didnt fall in love with her because she was very attractive. I fell in love with her because of the things she said to me. I fell in love with her because of the way she looked at me. She had these beautiful brown eyes I would just get lost in. I could tell by the way she looked at me she was lost in my eyes. She would insist that we kiss with our eyes open so she could just sit there and stair into each others eyes. Your not doing anything wrong... I wondered the same thing after my breakup. Some people are just never satisified. Someone will come along and appreciate the person you are. You sound like a wonderful catch to me...
Author prrthd1 Posted September 28, 2006 Author Posted September 28, 2006 No, I got dumped so what he is doing now is none of my concern. I did not let him step all over me by any means. We never argued or disagreed and he never did anything that wasn't on the up and up while we were dating. All I did was be myself. And now he is seeing a controlling little bitch that evidently won't let him out of her sight. Is that really what a man wants? Any BTW, alphamale, there ARE sexy, beautiful women that happen to be nice as well. Maybe you just haven't been looking hard enough? I am still in contact with my ex's family and friends and all of them have told me that I'm much more attractive than her and they don't understand what he sees in her. She definitely was not a challenge for him. She threw herself at him constantly even when she knew he was dating me. He didn't have to work real hard at that.
pricillia Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 I can honestly tell you the minute I fell in love with my Ex. It was a statement she made to me in a love letter she wrote to me on Valentines Day... She gave me a picture album with our New Years Eve pictures and a picture of her and her Daughter on Christmas... In the letter she wrote : "I want to fill this photo album with the memory of our life together." By the time I finished reading it I was done. I didnt fall in love with her because she was hard to get. I didnt fall in love with her because she was very attractive. I fell in love with her because of the things she said to me. I fell in love with her because of the way she looked at me. She had these beautiful brown eyes I would just get lost in. I could tell by the way she looked at me she was lost in my eyes. She would insist that we kiss with our eyes open so she could just sit there and stair into each others eyes. Your not doing anything wrong... I wondered the same thing after my breakup. Some people are just never satisified. Someone will come along and appreciate the person you are. You sound like a wonderful catch to me... ok somebody get me a bucket... no just kidding. But diver there is such a thing as over kill, like the person who always says yes and gets stepped on. The OP can learn from this and move on, I hope that she did not go over to his place and do his laundry
Author prrthd1 Posted September 28, 2006 Author Posted September 28, 2006 THANK YOU SO MUCH Diver102! Some people might not believe the mushy stuff is real, but I know exactly what you mean. My ex looked at me like that all the time. I actually thought he was going to cry when it broke it off with me, but maybe he's just a good actor. And NO, I didn't do his laundry or clean his house or anything like that. I wasn't trying to be his wife.
pricillia Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 THANK YOU SO MUCH Diver102! Some people might not believe the mushy stuff is real, but I know exactly what you mean. My ex looked at me like that all the time. I actually thought he was going to cry when it broke it off with me, but maybe he's just a good actor. And NO, I didn't do his laundry or clean his house or anything like that. I wasn't trying to be his wife. alright, It is hard to be left for someone else, even if they are less attractive then you are, I had that happen to me before so I can relate, I was close to his family just as you describe you are I am sure that they all love you as well. Maybe it was just not meant to be, and sweet and nice is not what he is looking for right now.
Diver012 Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 Hey I admit she had an agenda, and she played my a$$. Most CP's (which mine was), are very passionate and dynamic at first. It was the personality and the caring side I fell for is what I was trying to say. She persued me. I loved the attention. Once she had me, the fear and reality sets and and your basically done. Not an entirely healthy situation looking back I admit, but sometimes your to close to the trees to see that the forest is on fire.
pricillia Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 Hey I admit she had an agenda, and she played my a$$. Most CP's (which mine was), are very passionate and dynamic at first. It was the personality and the caring side I fell for is what I was trying to say. She persued me. I loved the attention. Once she had me, the fear and reality sets and and your basically done. Not an entirely healthy situation looking back I admit, but sometimes your to close to the trees to see that the forest is on fire. I know what it is like to look into the eyes of the person that you are in love with and loose yourself, and when you loose that you wonder if it really was what you thought it was to begin with. You live and learn.
Author prrthd1 Posted September 28, 2006 Author Posted September 28, 2006 Hey I admit she had an agenda, and she played my a$$. Most CP's (which mine was), are very passionate and dynamic at first. It was the personality and the caring side I fell for is what I was trying to say. She persued me. I loved the attention. Once she had me, the fear and reality sets and and your basically done. Not an entirely healthy situation looking back I admit, but sometimes your to close to the trees to see that the forest is on fire. Ditto, Diver 102! My ex was the one doing all the pursuing. He called me or visited me at work everyday for a month before we went out. We have known each other for six years and I already trusted him, which made me fall even faster and harder. I LOVED the way he made me feel. The bliss lasted for a while, then I think he realized how serious things were getting and he panicked. Grant it, he was the one doing all the future talk and making plans, not me. Anyway, he has been divorced for less than a year and I think he just realized he wasn't ready to be serious again. It feels like a right person, wrong time kind of thing.
Diver012 Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 I know what it is like to look into the eyes of the person that you are in love with and loose yourself, and when you loose that you wonder if it really was what you thought it was to begin with. You live and learn. Not to Hijack this thread, but I just want to acknowledge your point... I think the notion of losing yourself in a relationship in the first place is entirely the problem. Think about it this way... A person falls in love with you for who they perceive to be you. Your interests, your likes and dislikes, your personality. When someone looses themself in a relationship, its like your trying to merge yourself into the person your in love with. Suddenly, the person that they were in love with changes. Their strengh, the things their passionate in life about, dont seem so important anymore. Because they aren't. The persons focus has shifted from their wants and needs, to someone elses wants and needs. You have to have your own set of boundaries. I never changed who I was or lost myself to my Ex. As prrthd1 stated, I am who I am. She was who she was. Sometimes, ***** happens and it doesnt work out. Sometimes it just wasn't meant to be, and its nobodys fault at all.
Diver012 Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 Ditto, Diver 102! My ex was the one doing all the pursuing. He called me or visited me at work everyday for a month before we went out. We have known each other for six years and I already trusted him, which made me fall even faster and harder. I LOVED the way he made me feel. The bliss lasted for a while, then I think he realized how serious things were getting and he panicked. Grant it, he was the one doing all the future talk and making plans, not me. Anyway, he has been divorced for less than a year and I think he just realized he wasn't ready to be serious again. It feels like a right person, wrong time kind of thing. I know exaclty how you feel. I thought I was with the person I would spend the rest of my life with. I dont open my heart to people so easily these days, so when I did I honestly thought I was making the right decision. I guess the lesson I learned is just because someone asks you for your heart, doesnt mean they are ready for it, or even deserve it in the first place. It honestly sounds like he is still carrying around baggage from his marriage. He wants so desperately to be back in that wondeful place, but hes scared *****less... Im really sorry you got hurt. It does get better I promise you that.
norajane Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 Sounds like it's not you, it's him...cliche, but true. If he's with someone who's very much like his ex, he's obviously drawn to that type of person and hasn't grown beyond that yet. He might never grow beyond it. Doesn't mean there's a thing wrong with you, or that you weren't enough or anything at all. It just means he's still got the same itch as before. Maybe this time, he thinks he can make it work.
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