Guest Posted September 27, 2006 Posted September 27, 2006 I just finished with my girlfriend of 1yr 4mnths today..... why? for many reasons, she kicks up a fuss when i go out with my mates because she thinks im leaving her on her own! She really has no independence. Secondly, i look at my one of my mates who has been with his GF for 3 1/2 years and he is a total liability. He drops his mates for his GF, he doesn't come out, maybe 4 times max. a month because hes always with his GF, when he does come for a few drinks with the lads he brings his GF with him and her mates, which, as it happens my..... well.... my EX now, was one of her mates so i couldn't get much time away from her when he came out. So i look at him and im thinking "oh my god i dont want to end up like that, totally controlled by my GF" Thirdly, she is like a leach! Shes always asking to go places, eat out, go to cinema, but shes never any money and she expects me to pay! That to me is just not how a relationship works. When she has got money she never offers to pay for some petrol for my car (i do alot of driving about for her) or she never offers to buy me a drink when were out, yet she expects me to do all the paying when shes skint! And last and most importantly.... we used to be really in love and we had regular sex. Towards the end of our relationship whenever i looked at her i didnt fancy her and i wasn't attracted to her, in turn i was a bit short with her and we never had sex, i felt like i was tied to her and couldn't do my own thing. Basically i think i fell out of love with her which has ultimately led to my breaking up with her. Now that were not together i miss her and i keep thing all this stupid **** like "will i ever get anyone else" or "what if she hates me and tries to turn my mates against me" and now im all confused and im contemplating whether ive made the right choice in breaking up with her. Its doing my head in now because when i think what it would of been like to still be with her im glad im not but then when i think what its going to be like without her i began to doubt myself! is this normal??? have i made the right decision??? My family who ive talked to about this say theres plently more fish in the sea but what if all the fish have been caught? what if there is one perfect person for everyone and ive just dumped her??? Please any input would be GREATLY appreciated
mutts Posted September 27, 2006 Posted September 27, 2006 Hiya mate. Im in a similar position to your ex. my ex gf broke it off with me (read my posts for the whole story if you like) because she didn't want a serious relationship anymore and things had been getting strained. I know that for a while she was feeling what your feeling now, a little regret and a lot of confusion, we even started hanging out again and things really looked up, but then she realised that she didn't want this anymore and has since stood firm. I think the best thing to do is not act on impulse but really give yourself a little breathing space. Ofcourse there are other girls out there and when your head is in the right place you'll work that out for yourself. For now, put some distance between yourselves and let your head see through the mist. End of the day, you might be missing her cos your used to her, and once you break the habit you'll be used to her not being there. Then you'll be in a better position to evaluate whether you want to go back. Just my thoughts I hope they help.
Buttaflyy Posted September 27, 2006 Posted September 27, 2006 You've definitely done the right thing. You gave no inclination that you still feel anything romantically for her. Most people feel the way you do after a breakup. Usually though, they think the regret it because they start reminiscing on the good times with the other person and start missing them. You don't seem to miss her at all. You're just not used to being single and it's scary getting back out into the dating scene. You'll be ok, and just as your family has told you...there are plenty of fish in the sea. They haven't all been caught and people break up everyday! There are lots of single women here on LS, I'm sure there are lots more wherever you are.
the patient Posted September 27, 2006 Posted September 27, 2006 I'm going through the exact same thing right now. As for advice, when your head and your heart are both a mess, go with your gut. Essentially, it was a gut feeling that made you decide to leave, and you had every reason to leave if you weren't satisfied, even if it is something superficial. You gotta start thinking for yourself, forget the past, live the present. If you're ever questioning anything just remember the gut that made you think of how you can do better. You may not think it now cause this person's burned into your memory, but what you were looking for will arrive and it will be a thousand times better then your ex was, and you'll have problems even remembering your ex's name.
leeroy1985 Posted September 29, 2006 Posted September 29, 2006 Hi there, i wrote this question, didn't realise i weren't signed in when i did! They are all very good points and they did make me miss her a little less so thanks but theres just one little thing. We were really good friends for about a year before we started going out. She now wants to try and stay friends and i agreed because i'd rather at least try and if it doesn't work out then i know i tried. That being said we were supposed to go to the cinema on Saturday and she still wants to go but as friends...... Is it possible to be friends with someone after you've been going out for a year and a half? Is this a good idea or should i tell her i cant go? It's really hard is breaking up, when i finished it with her i thought it would be a relief but it isn't. Everytime my phone ring i keep expecting it to be her, everything i look at reminds me of her. I hoped she was the one but it turns out shes not and i feel like i have throw a year and half of my life away!
Guest Posted September 29, 2006 Posted September 29, 2006 Secondly, i look at my one of my mates who has been with his GF for 3 1/2 years and he is a total liability. He drops his mates for his GF, he doesn't come out, maybe 4 times max. a month because hes always with his GF, when he does come for a few drinks with the lads he brings his GF with him and her mates, which, as it happens my..... well.... my EX now, was one of her mates so i couldn't get much time away from her when he came out. So i look at him and im thinking "oh my god i dont want to end up like that, totally controlled by my GF" Have you ever considered that your friend wants to be with his gf and prefers her company to you and your friends? I think you should concentrate on you not your friend!
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