Guest Posted September 27, 2006 Posted September 27, 2006 I dont know exactly what to do.. I met a woman, and we just started dating a few weeks ago. I am 30, she is 35. Her birthday falls on this weekend, and she has been dropping hints that she would like to go somewhere with me.. As she phrased it "are you taking me somewhere?" She has mentioned this a few times. She wants to go to the beach, fly somewhere, go out of town somewhere. I do like her, but we just met, and I feel this is too early. For one, it is a bad time for me to leave, as my business is very busy this time of year. For 2 we just met, and i dont want to be with only her for 3 days and nights. The way she phrased it also means I m paying for everything, which I feel is also a bit brazen.. I dont know what to do.. I feel maybe i should do nothing and forget the entire relationship? Maybe taking her out to dinner would be a waste , and i would now feel like she is expecting more and I didnt deliver. I suppose I am the type tha barely even mentions my bday, if I do at all. She is the type that mentions it all the time, and is expecting some trip, but perhaps too early, and with the wrong guy at the wrong time.. What should I do, and how should i tell her?
Tony T Posted September 27, 2006 Posted September 27, 2006 This gal smells like a user bigtime but maybe you ought to give her a break at this early stage. IF you like her, take her out to dinner at a nice restaurant and give her a card. At this very early stage, that is at the top of the most appropriate things you can do for her birthday at this point. You may have a serious problem on your hands. First, why would you want to have anything to do with a chick who considers you of all people she knows the person she wants to spend her birthday with. That in itself is very scary. Doesn't she have a group of close friends who care for her? Second, if she's using this birthday thing to try to wrestle "stuff" from you at this early stage the fact that she has targeted you as a source for getting her way is deeply troubling. Third, in my opinion it is not a sign of humility and good taste for her to even be mentioning her birthday the way she has been doing to you at this early stage. You may have a real clinger on your hands at best, a giant user at worst. I don't think this gal will be a keeper but take her out to eat for her birthday...as entertainment for you. If she shows even a slight bit of disappointment that that is all you're doing to celebrate, tell her just how you feel...and let her know that while you are somewhat flattered that she would want to spend her birthday with you that you are also disturbed that she doesn't have a handful of close friends to celebrate this special time with. Don't you dare buy her more than a card!!!
ash8752 Posted September 27, 2006 Posted September 27, 2006 i definately think she is pushing this quite a bit. When I read a summary of your post before clicking it i just read that you just started dating and her bday is coming and immediately thought to myself "you should definately get her something and take her to dinner." Taking her on a bday vacation is way over the top and if she expects this a few weeks in imagine what she'll expect later. Tell her straight out that you cant do it but you do have every intention on taking her to dinner etc. If she doesnt like it then she is looking for something different than you.
whichwayisup Posted September 27, 2006 Posted September 27, 2006 She should NOT be expecting you to spend alot of money on her, fly her off somewhere special, expect a BIG and FANCY present. Dinner and a card, or dinner and some flowers is GOOD ENOUGH. She sounds like a high maitenance gal - Take things SLOW... And it sounds like you need to get to know her better too.
catgirl1927 Posted September 27, 2006 Posted September 27, 2006 Wow. I wondered how some women were able to convince otherwise intelligent men to buy them things, but it seems there is no convincing to it, they just start demanding stuff. At 35, she knows what she wants. She sounds like she's looking for a sugar daddy, and my inclination is for you to run like the wind as far from her as you can get. This will only be the beginning of the demands. Imagine, 6 months from now, "You need to buy me X or take me to Y because you blew off my birthday trip." Seriously, I know a woman like this. She's 34, and she says all the time, "I need a husband. Stuff is expensive." She is lazy and insane and only wants someone to take care of her and pay her way. Run, honey.
Buttaflyy Posted September 27, 2006 Posted September 27, 2006 i definately think she is pushing this quite a bit.When I read a summary of your post before clicking it i just read that you just started dating and her bday is coming and immediately thought to myself "you should definately get her something and take her to dinner." Taking her on a bday vacation is way over the top and if she expects this a few weeks in imagine what she'll expect later. Tell her straight out that you cant do it but you do have every intention on taking her to dinner etc. If she doesnt like it then she is looking for something different than you. Weird...I did and thought this same exact thing initially. A trip is way over the top, I kind of want to say dump her, but that might be a little over the top. I think she has nerve to expect something so extravagant...better yet, ASK for something so extravagant if you just met. Get her some flowers and see if she appreciates them.
quankanne Posted September 27, 2006 Posted September 27, 2006 I'd draw the line at a card, considering the amount of time y'all have known each other. If you really, really like her, flowers or a special dinner (not necessarily at a pricey place) would be nice. But nothing more. Frankly, she sounds high maintenance and you should seriously consider ending the relationship.
rina_r Posted September 27, 2006 Posted September 27, 2006 I think dinner and a movie would do, but if she gets upset after it - time for you to lose her.
Adunaphel Posted September 27, 2006 Posted September 27, 2006 I'd spend a day - or half a day - with her and take her on a short trip to some nice but not expensive place which is no more than a hour (or a couple of hours) by car away from where you live. Perhaps have a pic-nic or take her to lunch to a possibly nice but not expensive place there. Perhaps she is not hoping for more - spending some time with you, and some effort on your part to show you care. If she is happy with it, she is not necessarily a gold digger or too demanding. If she complains, you know she is.
Green Posted September 27, 2006 Posted September 27, 2006 Look stop being a loser you should have told her straight out we just started dating and I'm not comfortable taking a vacation with you. If she gets mad at you then we have something to talk about. If your not that into her I would just break up with her at this point though because she has no boundries
narcist_ave Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 Well, if she wants you to take her somewhere, then how about a nice restaurant? If the woman doesnt realize on her own how you are feeling about this, then she seems a bit self-centered?
Ariadne Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 Hi, As she phrased it "are you taking me somewhere?" She just wants to make her birthday a special day. Nothing wrong with that. You don't have to spend a fortune or fly to the Bahamas either. Just drive to a bed and breakfast in some nice town for the night and that should do it. Or just go for a ride to see the fall folliage... anything special would do. But, like you said: I feel maybe i should do nothing and forget the entire relationship? It seems like she means very little to you. Ariadne
rina_r Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 you should have told her straight out we just started dating and I'm not comfortable taking a vacation with you. I think this would be rude. Better tell her you have to be on call at work or such. Anyway, i would not dare to ask for anything if i were on her place. Best things come when you dont ask.
kjl933 Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 So are you taking me somewhere? Why does that mean a vacation? I don't get it? I think she is probably just saying that hey, I am into you and woud like to spend my b-day with you. I don't read it as demanding. Have you had sex yet? Don't presume that this is what she wants either. Make a reservation at a nice restaurant--there, you are taking her somewhere. Maybe bring her a small grocery store bouquet of flowers and a nice card. I think you ALL over read the situation
Alcumena Posted September 29, 2006 Posted September 29, 2006 She probably just wants to have a special day and that's OK. However, being pushy about it really does not sound nice. I agree with the dinner and maybe flowers/card option. Anything more is too much at this stage I think...
BenefitOfTheDoubt Posted September 29, 2006 Posted September 29, 2006 So are you taking me somewhere? Why does that mean a vacation? I don't get it? I think she is probably just saying that hey, I am into you and woud like to spend my b-day with you. I don't read it as demanding. This is what I was wondering. I'm assuming there's more context that you haven't told us that gave you the impression she expected you to plan something a plane ride away? If not, it is possible she meant, "Are you taking me somewhere? Like that new Italian restaurant that just opened downtown?" If it turns out she is expecting a whirlwind weekend somewhere warm and expensive, tell her in no uncertain terms that she ain't getting it. Let her know that you'd love to do something nice with her to celebrate her birthday -- go to a nicer than normal restaurant, or hiking somewhere nice, or whatever it is she might enjoy -- but that if that's not enough, she's with the wrong guy. If she heads for the hills, know that you saved yourself a lot of drama down the line. Good luck to you. Unfortunately my Magic Eight Ball is not forecasting a happy result for you. I hope I'm wrong!
Guest Posted September 29, 2006 Posted September 29, 2006 Apparently several people missed She wants to go to the beach, fly somewhere, go out of town somewhere.
riobikini Posted September 29, 2006 Posted September 29, 2006 re: Guest: " Her birthday falls on this weekend, and she has been dropping hints that she would like to go somewhere with me.. As she phrased it "are you taking me somewhere?" She has mentioned this a few times. She wants to go to the beach, fly somewhere, go out of town somewhere. I do like her, but we just met, and I feel this is too early." This *is* too early for the size of that particular kind of request (er -request he*l, it was downright pushy!!) It's always nice to have someone recognize you on a special day -even if he's relatively new in your life and not too acclimated, just yet, to all the traditional details you are used to, to be expected to pull off a grand display of celebration. But this lady seems to expect the "money event", no matter the circumstances. And I'd say that isn't a good sign. If I were you, I'd cool things down right about now, and take a good hard look at who I've chosen. It wouldn't hurt, either, (I encourage it) to tell her in a polite (but *firm* way) your very own thoughts about her rather premature request. Do acknowledge her b-day in a decent manner, though: a card, a nice dinner out, a toast to many more b-days to come. Be nice; be a gentleman -but don't be a fool. Take care. -Rio
Guest Posted September 29, 2006 Posted September 29, 2006 re: This *is* too early for the size of that particular kind of request (er -request he*l, it was downright pushy!!) Exactly! How can she demand anything?
Buttaflyy Posted September 29, 2006 Posted September 29, 2006 So are you taking me somewhere? Why does that mean a vacation? I don't get it? I think she is probably just saying that hey, I am into you and woud like to spend my b-day with you. I don't read it as demanding. I think you ALL over read the situation Please reread the OP and give us your take now? Do you still think that she's not asking for a bit much?
kjl933 Posted September 29, 2006 Posted September 29, 2006 The OP needs to clarify. I took it as that was his interpretation and not her demand.
Buttaflyy Posted September 29, 2006 Posted September 29, 2006 The OP needs to clarify. I took it as that was his interpretation and not her demand. Her birthday falls on this weekend, and she has been dropping hints that she would like to go somewhere with me.. As she phrased it "are you taking me somewhere?" She has mentioned this a few times. She wants to go to the beach, fly somewhere, go out of town somewhere. I do like her, but we just met, and I feel this is too early. For one, it is a bad time for me to leave, as my business is very busy this time of year. For 2 we just met, and i dont want to be with only her for 3 days and nights. The way she phrased it also means I m paying for everything, which I feel is also a bit brazen.. From the above statement, can't we assume that they had a conversation about this? He's stated that she is expecting to fly somewhere and specifically said a beach so I assume that she's mentioned what she wants already. Assuming that this is the case, would you not say it's a bit much after only a few dates?
narcist_ave Posted September 29, 2006 Posted September 29, 2006 I think this would be rude. Better tell her you have to be on call at work or such. Anyway, i would not dare to ask for anything if i were on her place. Best things come when you dont ask. Honesty is better than a lie!!
whichwayisup Posted October 1, 2006 Posted October 1, 2006 Seeing as they haven't been going out very long, there is NO reason why he can't tell her it's too soon. She's NUTS if she expects a guy to whiz her off in a plane and take her away on her birthday. Geez, what will happen in a year if they're still together!! She is asking for TOO much too soon, and that's the truth of it. I'm shocked that this girl hasn't realized this on her own.
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