How to get over her??? me!!!

[huiming]

my first gf for 1yr had broken up with me becoz she got somebody else,i thought i will b easy to get over dat her,but im havin trouble....this pain hurts like hell,i cant stop thinkin of her.wat to do ppl?

[niko1999]

Keep yourself busy to start. Bubble wrap is a GREAT anger management resource. I went through a lot of it when I broke up with my ex. Now, 15 months later, SO OVER IT. And it sucked at first, but the best for you to do, take it one day at a time. Call friends, pick up extra hours at work, whatever you need to do to keep busy. and time will pass, and as each day goes on, youll think of her less and less, until days go by without you thinking of her. It gets better, honestly.

[huiming]

thanz alot,but more help is still welcome and appreciated

[Shana555]

I went through a lot of it when I broke up with my ex. Now, 15 months later, SO OVER IT.

 

Please tell me it didn't take that long to get over your ex. I'm only on day 3 of my breakup and going through so many emotions I don't know how I'm going to get through this!!!

 

So far I'm doing everything you suggested. Keeping yourself busy does help, but I find my mind wandering all of the time and just thinking of him instead of the work I should be focusing on.

 

I find the only thing that helps me is being around friends and loved ones that always know how to put a smile on my face and make me laugh. If you can't or don't want to go out and see people, just making phone calls or writing emails to them helps.

 

Keep posting, huiming. It really will make your feel better getting your feelings out and receiving support from the wonderful people on here.

[niko1999]

No, it didnt take me 15 months to get over him. But it was a good six months to get over the pangs of pain I occassionally felt when I thought about him and what we had. With the help of friends, and an AMAZING boyfriend(who I have been with for 14 months), I got over my ex fairly easily. It helped more once I stopped talking to him all the time too. I still talk to him once a week or sometimes two times a week, online for a few minutes. But then he usually ends up propositioning me(which I get a HUGE kick out of).Everybody is different in how long it will take to get over them. But like all bad habits(think of it that way), it takes a couple of weeks to get used to having it around. If you manage three months, your golden.

[niko1999]

Oh and Shanna. You know how you can tell youll truly be ok? And that you will make it through this? Re'read your post.

 

"I find the only thing that helps me is being around friends and loved ones that always know how to put a smile on my face and make me laugh."

 

You can still smile. You can still laugh. So you know you will be ok. That is what I kept telling myself when I was going through the initial break up with my ex(and we were still living together). The fact that I was still able to laugh and smile told me I ws going to be ok. NO matter what, everything would be ok. Think of that too. If it was really the end of the world, no one would be able to put a smile on your face, let alone make you laugh.

[Shana555]

huiming, my ex too had somebody else. He never left me for her, but he was constantly lying and I finally caught him with her. He wanted to be with me, but couldn’t resist the temptation of her. Pathetic huh?... If your ex left you for somebody else, she would do it again. Remember that. I learned that lesson the hard way. You deserve somebody that will love and respect you 100%.

 

People keep telling me the best way to start healing and not thinking about them so much is to no be in any contact with them at all, if that is possible in your situation. Thank goodness I wasn’t married or living with this creep, so I walked away and plan on never looking back. It makes me hopeful to hear that it really helped you, niko1999 once you stopped talking to him all of the time. My ex texted me today asking if he could please call me. PFFT... I’m not going to give him any response. I figure he would love any attention from me right now, even negative attention.

 

I'm stuck alone in my appt right now. My friends are out drinking and I know any alcohol in me would be the worst thing for my emotions right now, so here I am. Trying not to sulk too much. It's hard when things get lonely when you are used to being able to always calling up your bf/gf and talking/seeing them whenever for 5 years for me and 1 year like you huiming. That's a big chunk of having that person apart of your life.

 

Are you still in contact with your ex huiming? How long has it been since the breakup? What made you happy before the relationship with this girl? Think about those things that make you happy and take back control of YOUR life.

[D-Lish]

Me? I'm past the month mark post break-up.

I remember the first week or two being a complete and total mess.

I lost 15 pounds, couldn't eat or sleep- could barely leave the house, I cried in public for no reason... it was awful.

 

Now? I still miss him. I'm in the guilty phase- going over and over what I did to cause him to stop loving me. BUT, I am not as messy as I was. I don't cry myself to sleep every night, I don't think about it 24 hours a day.

 

But the pain is still relatively fresh. I'm just morose. At least I can function at work with a smile and go out with my friends and pretend to be happy.

 

The worst and best thing for me has been the NC. It's best I haven't had any communication at all with him (I tried on two occasions and got no response). So it hurts he won't talk to me- but it has also helped me to move on.

 

Day by day- some days are good, some are bad.

 

The worst is wondering incessantly if he's dating someone... I keep picturing it.

 

Chin up- it gets easier.

D

[Rooster_DAR]

I'm in the same boat as you D-Lish. It's been nearly 2 months on N/C for me and I am probably in about the same place emotionally as you are. My EX actually called my work the other day and left a message. The context of the message seemed kinda strange to me, but I aknowleged her through an anonymous text message, and asked her to send me a couple of things by mail that I left there.

 

I will not have anything to do with her anymore, I've gotten to the point to where I don't even want to talk to her or anyone she knows. Evertime I did speak with her, it was always mixed messages that kept giving me false hopes, along with lies and contraditions.

 

Good luck!

[Guest (a-chan)]

aww... i know your feeling. when my very first bf said he wants to break up with me. i thought i couldnt even live anymore. but im sure there are someone who make you happy and smile:) although i didnt find a new bf yet, i believe there is a special man. so your gonna find someone who cry with you and cheer you up when your sad and spend fun time wit you. so dont worry so much! i hope youll be happy. i mean i hope sometime you feel your the happiest man in the world!!hehe

 

good luck!!!

[swirly27]

I am with D-Lish and Roostar - almost 2 months for me. It doesn't necessarily matter either how long you dated or how short, feelings and heartbreak are there, whatever the reason. To get thru it takes time......while you're going thru the time, days are good and bad, ups and downs. Sometimes you can be busy with 50 people and constantly still think about the ex and other times you can be along cleaning and you won't think of the ex.....then one day you'll realize you haven't thought of them as much and it gets easier as more time goes by.

 

D-Lish, I am kinda in the same phase as you, although I KNOW I didn't do anything wrong.....but because I still miss him I wondered if I could have done something different to have it turned out different. I am not a mess anymore either but I still think about it and it still hurts. It just shows how big our hearts are and we will all come to find a great and special someone someday!!

[D-Lish]

It does get easier.

 

At least I know what things I need to work on to make me a better partner in my next relationship! And I also know what kind of man to stay away from.

 

I don't want to date anyone right now. That is where I am at.

He can go off and date and get over me that way... It hurts me- but then again having NC and him living in a different city means I don't have to know about it. Sometimes not knowing is way better!

 

We are all going to be okay- it will just take time!

D

[huiming]

im tryin the nc thing..i mean i deleted her pic,her messages,her numbers and everything and im thinkin abt gettin myself a new phone in case she calls to fill my mine up wit dat false "maybe someday in d future"talk.its been only 1 week so far and i hope d feelins will fade away like u guys say,thanks.

 

oh yea,i startin goin out more and i realized dat im a very attractive guy in a way lol coz girls r givin me d i like u look.But d painful parts r wen im alone and the thoughs of her jus keep comin bac,i wish i can end it...so im goin to try and get somebody else as soon as possible,but im not sure if dat is d rite thing to do now..so wat do ur think?

[andy_whitewater]

Hey Huiming,

 

sounds like you're going through the same thing I am. A couple of months ago my g/f of 4 years just dumped me for a guy she met at a party. I went from being the happiest person ever to this souless wreck who could barely find the strength to get out of bed. I bumped into her only once in the past 3 months (had n/c) and that was at a party (which was pretty awkward). I tried going on a couple of dates but it really didn't help. I was still thinking about my ex and I couldn't be the person I wanted to be. I didn't think it was right to hurt someone and thats what I would have done. It does get easier and you do learn to laugh again but god every now and then it still hurts so so bad like nothing I can describe. That pain seems to lessen with time though.

 

Funny thing is, we have a mutual friend who I was talking to the other day and it turns out she had told him that she'd like to be in contact with me again. On hearing this the first thing I thought was "oh - maybe she feels like she wants to give it another shot" ....thats when I realised I still had a lot of healing to do to get over her. Who knows what will happen in the future - but i don't want to keep waiting on her - thats one way to guarantee the pain will never go away.

 

By all means date someone else but be aware that

 

1. you'll probably pick someone with a lot of characteristics as your ex

2. the girl your dating will prob assume that you're completely free, single and not thinking about anyone else but them

3. it probably won't be a miracle cure to take the pain away overnight

 

I really hope you start to feel good again soon

 

all the very best of luck to you

 

peace

 

-x-

[Josalina]

i feel so sorry for you lot, it has been two weeks of no contact i am beside myself wondering if he will ever want me again, although half of me knows i have to move on and he never says what he don't mean the other half of me is thinking of plans of action to get him back, do i send him a bday card, do i not, do i move on, but what if he realises he wants me, its stupid i know, i am hanging onto what seems false hope but i can't seem to let go of the one person who made my life complete for 2 and a half years without him i feel empty, i can't imagine him with anyone else as it makes me ill, i just want him.

i wish i could get a grip as i sound so stupid but the more the days go on, i feel myself working out how long it has been of no contact, 2 weeks and one day exaxtly lol.

i wish there was something i could do to take away the hurt from all of you but i can't so we just have to be there for each other giving positive feedback and support, i hope you find happiness soon.

[Rooster_DAR]

 

By all means date someone else but be aware that

 

1. you'll probably pick someone with a lot of characteristics as your ex

2. the girl your dating will prob assume that you're completely free, single and not thinking about anyone else but them

3. it probably won't be a miracle cure to take the pain away overnight

 

If you looking for LTR/LTC then:

 

Picking and dating someone that's like your EX is going to land you in the same boat you're in now. My advice, take time out to find your wants and needs, then find someone who is NOT like your ex.

If your just dating or looking for booty then:

 

Date whoever you want, particularly someone who is like your ex, the sex will be great more than likely.

[huiming]

omg,the pain is gettin harder to bare,durin these couple of days of nc i found myself full of depression....i lost interest mostly in evrything i do,wat to do u guys?

 

i keep wantin to call her,but i no i can't do dat....its so difficult rite now