Guest/reality check Posted September 30, 2006 Posted September 30, 2006 My advice......DON"T DO IT!! Do not give into your feelings...fight them tooth and nail. It is not worth the pain and suffering that an affair puts on your marriage. Obviously your marriage is lacking something for you to even consider looking elsewhere, my advice, find what is wrong and work on it. I got involved with a MM, and I am also M... don't travel down that road. If you think your heart is fluttering now, wait till the aching it will do later. There, and doing it.... Best of luck! When I am feeling weak I come back to this sight and read all the different posts and advice given on this board. Today your post has helped me, not give in to responding back like I usually do to one of his e-mails. They are not any e-mails suggesting anything, but usually stuff he knows I am interested in. I do believe he is interested in me, but knows he cannot do anything about it, so I believe he keeps me thinking about him by sending me e-mails and involving himself into the same activities as I do. Overall, I needed this particular response, and I sincerely thank you for it. I am still trying to figure out, what is lacking in my relationship with my husband. It scares me to think I could possibly be traveling down the same road as you have. I will try to fight tooth and nail, not to give in to temptation.
norajane Posted September 30, 2006 Posted September 30, 2006 If you've not ever felt there was anything lacking in your marriage before, I don't necessarily think there's anything lacking in it now. It's normal to meet other people that are attractive to you throughout your lifetime. Just because you're married, doesn't mean that part of you that notices attractive people suddenly is shut off. Odds are you will meet lots of wonderful men in your life, and if they pay attention to you, you will be flattered at their attention and admiration. It's perfectly normal and doesn't mean there's anything wrong in your marriage. Human beings crave attention and admiration and validation. Everyone loves to feel desired. It's normal and it's not a sign there's anything wrong with your marriage. However, you do not have to act on every attraction you have, and you are certainly required not to act on it if you are married. Attractions come and go; they fade if not fed and watered by your imagination. Have you done anything lately to show your husband how attracted you are to him, and how lucky you feel to have him in your life? Perhaps you could turn your focus to him and fall in love all over again - he's still that terrific guy you fell in love with years ago if you'd just look at him and see it.
whichwayisup Posted September 30, 2006 Posted September 30, 2006 I do believe he is interested in me, but knows he cannot do anything about it So what is the point of this whole game, seeing as you two aren't going to hook up. Think about that.
Sup Posted September 30, 2006 Posted September 30, 2006 I suggest that you tell your hubby about what's happning with OM, what you're feeling, being tempted, etc. your husband will likely be upset or MAD, but as they say 2 heads are better than one. It may also take some of the momentom out of this, they say affairs thrive in secretcy. Your husband probably doesn't even know that there is something wrong in the marriage, YOU have to tell him what's wrong, NO ONE is a mind reader, no, not even you. I hope this helps you.
Meaplus3 Posted October 1, 2006 Posted October 1, 2006 You may be possibly right, I think a woman knows when a man is making goo goo eyes at you. It could possibly be as well he is getting some sort of strange satisfaction emotionally, by reeling me in and then letting go when things get to close for his comfort zone. Another good point you bring out is that it may be some sort of wake-up call for me to re-examine my marriage and vows I promised to my husband. My children need a focused mom not one who is lusting over someone other than there father. I know I already added my 2 cent's here, but since your situation sounds alot like mine I had to chime in again! That's exactly what he is doing! REELING You in then when it becomes to close for comfort he backs away, The MM I have been in a affair with has done this all along. I kept falling for it and craved the attention he has provided me. This is how your pain will begin! Allowing him to get close, then back off it's all a game and the pain you can feel is the worst ever especially if you happen to fall in love with him. Distract yourself and try not to feed your imagination with thought's of what it would be like to be with him! I have begun thinking this way now and it's helping me! Stay STRONG!! AP
Guest/reality check Posted October 1, 2006 Posted October 1, 2006 I know I already added my 2 cent's here, but since your situation sounds alot like mine I had to chime in again! That's exactly what he is doing! REELING You in then when it becomes to close for comfort he backs away, The MM I have been in a affair with has done this all along. I kept falling for it and craved the attention he has provided me. This is how your pain will begin! Allowing him to get close, then back off it's all a game and the pain you can feel is the worst ever especially if you happen to fall in love with him. Distract yourself and try not to feed your imagination with thought's of what it would be like to be with him! I have begun thinking this way now and it's helping me! Stay STRONG!! AP I guess I'm not going crazy afterall. My gut has been telling me all along that the attention I have so pathetically given him, has exactly turned into a game. Yes, I do realize I would eventually end up on the losing side. I can already feel the pain and thats with no physical contact with MM. I can also see how complicated an affair could become, all the lies and deceit would be too overwhelming. Keeping myself busy and fighting thoughts of what it would be like to be with him, is going to be my main focus from here on. Your advice today, has helped me get through some unnecessary thoughts of him. Thank you.
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