Author RuralProblems Posted September 27, 2006 Author Posted September 27, 2006 ClimberGirl Yes - I have proof. Not "court of law" proof, but it doesn't matter being the courts couldn't care less about it anyways. She brought home some other guy's sperm from a trip to the "big city". I have to admit that I did think about whether the children were mine (who wouldn't?), but I'm convinced they are. In every way Thanks for the sentiment and support, in any case.
typical Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 She'll be drunk this Friday night. I'll just bring it up in casual conversation - we bowl on Friday nights, and she always gets lit, and I can even bring up the question as a group question at the bar with her friends after bowling. Hmmm... And I'll bet that would just rock her world.... When I said "dangerous" this is the kind of thing I am talking about. Right now, she views you as an unsuspecting sap who is easy to get one over on, and for this reason, she has lost respect. She definately feels the power is hers alone. She is riding high, enjoying the control she has, but little does she know, you can take that power away from her in a blink of an eye...Her reign of power-shattered, in one seemingly harmless question that you pose ever so benignly to her and her group of friends....as you look over pointedly in her eyes, as if to say "I got you now"........She will squirm, caught off guard, helpless, suspended in suspense......And she will love it. She will be drunk off of it. Because, what she really wants, is for you to catch her, throw her off guard, and put her into place. She doesnt think you are capable of it. All her life, she has been waiting for someone to stop her.
typical Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 My last post was referring to something entirely different. But you can use it for that as well: She'll be drunk this Friday night. I'll just bring it up in casual conversation - we bowl on Friday nights, and she always gets lit, and I can even bring up the question as a group question at the bar with her friends after bowling. Hmmm... I was thinking, in a group setting, you could bring up the soiled panties...though of course, with a "mock" storyline, something indirect but not so indirect that it doesnt cause the hairs to raise on the back of her neck....So please apply my last post to this line of thinking. For instance, the discussion of "cheating" and how far someone would go to uncover the truth, or what if you found out xyz, would you demand divorce if-- you catch my drift. You can subtly touch upon some discretions of hers, and watch her squirm, but also, you are able to gain insight from her responses. In a group setting, and with beer involved, cheating is always a delightful source of debate and rumination. Bring up a story that you "heard" on the radio, or one of your "buddies" from work told you...
a4a Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 Better yet wrap up the panties and test results in beautiful paper and bow, present it to her in front of all her friends as a gift for her to open infront of them. Where a T-shirt under your shirt with "my wife likes to have sex with other men" printed on it. When she opens the gift, take off your top shirt and let her friends read your t-shirt..... oh and prepack her a bag and put it in the trunk without her knowing...... if you can take seperate cars. Make her a hotel reservation while your at it. (sorry I have no tolerance of an abusive cheater)
typical Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 (sorry I have no tolerance of an abusive cheater) Yes, but it is so much fun to give them a taste of their own medicine! Better yet wrap up the panties and test results in beautiful paper and bow, present it to her in front of all her friends as a gift for her to open infront of them. Where a T-shirt under your shirt with "my wife likes to have sex with other men" printed on it. When she opens the gift, take off your top shirt and let her friends read your t-shirt..... oh and prepack her a bag and put it in the trunk without her knowing...... if you can take seperate cars. Make her a hotel reservation while your at it. Classic, a4a!!!
Craig Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 Classic, a4a!!!I think this is "classic-a4a."
Author RuralProblems Posted September 28, 2006 Author Posted September 28, 2006 OK.. That could definitely be interesting. I was thinking more about just asking a leading question to check out her response - combining the ideas above a bit: "A friend of mine said his wife wishes she was single again - to live the free lifestyle again". Then check her reaction, and if she says, "Yeah, me too", I more or less say "Go for it" in front of all of her friends. I suspect she'd do it just to impress them with her independence. But confronting her in public with my evidence? Harsh! And more than a little embarassing for me. But it could be a good idea. Something to consider. I'd rather do it in front of her Mother, to tell the truth. I'd hate to put her Mother in that position, but she (my Mother in law) would go positively, absolutely apesh*t with her. She'd practically disown her on the spot.
a4a Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 OK.. That could definitely be interesting. I was thinking more about just asking a leading question to check out her response - combining the ideas above a bit: "A friend of mine said his wife wishes she was single again - to live the free lifestyle again". Then check her reaction, and if she says, "Yeah, me too", I more or less say "Go for it" in front of all of her friends. I suspect she'd do it just to impress them with her independence. But confronting her in public with my evidence? Harsh! And more than a little embarassing for me. But it could be a good idea. Something to consider. I'd rather do it in front of her Mother, to tell the truth. I'd hate to put her Mother in that position, but she (my Mother in law) would go positively, absolutely apesh*t with her. She'd practically disown her on the spot. words are words...... if you are going to do it........ do it well. What a better way to not be embarassed no need to hide it or beat around the bush. Go forth with confidence! You don't have one friggin thing to be embarassed about....... she does. You don't need to check her response as you already checked her friggin panties.
Ladywithafan Posted September 29, 2006 Posted September 29, 2006 I'd take the gift bowling, have the bags packed in the car and what would be priceless when the panties are unwrapped. I have no tolerance either...divorced six years, married almost 11...my x is now married to his affaira...and no longer lives where I do...which is great... I just would not deal with the abusiveness towards the little ones. My boys are 10 & 8 and I would never EVER make them wait to talk to me.
Author RuralProblems Posted October 6, 2006 Author Posted October 6, 2006 Thanks for the ideas and support. I suspect that you're right that I should just "break it to her" this way. My psychologist (mentioned before) gave me a recommendation of a real pit-bull of a Men's Rights lawyer. I'm talking to him next week. The psychologist even asked me how I can keep my cool, and recommended that I do basically what y'all have said An interesting development. While researching divorce info, I found a really interesting psychological problem that describes her fully - Borderline Personality Disorder. I found this "test" for the spouse: http://www.heartrelationships.com/ARTICLES/BorderlinePersonalityDisorder/BorderlineNov10.htm and them more info about the test / disorder: http://www.heartrelationships.com/ARTICLES/BorderlinePersonalityDisorder/BorderlineNov17.htm and more detailed info here: http://www.bpdcentral.com/resources/basics/main.shtml I'm rather surprised that I didn't find any info on this site about this problem, being it seems to be rather common. [edit: I just searched again, and... found a bunch - I guess that I just never saw it while reading] And, yes, this type of person can ONLY get along with an extremely easy-going person such as myself, and the only way to deal with it is to push back, but many say that the only way to deal with it is to leave. There is no good way to treat this problem. But it explains a lot. And... if it can be proven, could be very good leverage for me to get custody via the legal system. FWIW - it doesn't appear that this type of person would leave voluntarily, even though they often threaten to leave.
jmargel Posted October 6, 2006 Posted October 6, 2006 Quit being her psychologist. Have you confronted her about what she's done? You can talk on here til the sun comes up but unless you communicate with her on what's happening nothing is going to change.
Author RuralProblems Posted October 6, 2006 Author Posted October 6, 2006 I just want to reiterate - my only goal here is to get the kids away from her. Anything that could even possibly jeopardize that right now is counter-productive. I can just take the kids and slip away into the night, but that won't work for me. I need to do it legally. If I alert her in any way to what I'm thinking, I'm concerned that I won't be able to save the boys from her. The courts won't likely be sympathetic with my situation. She's the primary care giver (I can't easily prove that she isn't - they'd just look at the fact that she's "available" to be the primary care giver being she doesn't work). This isn't about the infidelity any more. I won't have sex with her anymore, particularly now that I realize that what I thought was impossible before (that she is sleeping around with MULTIPLE guys) is quite likely. I had more than just suspicions that she was boinking at least 3 different guys, and I think that's now quite likely now that I have some insight into the workings of her mind. I still haven't heard the results from my HIV test, I'm going to push the Dr on that issue this morning. There was no ongoing communcations with anybody, unless she's managed to hide a pay-as-you-go cell phone very well. So she's apparently taking advantage of the fact that a lot of guys don't need a relationship for sex, just a place, time and opportunity.
Sup Posted October 7, 2006 Posted October 7, 2006 Thanks for the ideas and support. I suspect that you're right that I should just "break it to her" this way. My psychologist (mentioned before) gave me a recommendation of a real pit-bull of a Men's Rights lawyer. I'm talking to him next week. The psychologist even asked me how I can keep my cool, and recommended that I do basically what y'all have said An interesting development. While researching divorce info, I found a really interesting psychological problem that describes her fully - Borderline Personality Disorder. I found this "test" for the spouse: http://www.heartrelationships.com/ARTICLES/BorderlinePersonalityDisorder/BorderlineNov10.htm and them more info about the test / disorder: http://www.heartrelationships.com/ARTICLES/BorderlinePersonalityDisorder/BorderlineNov17.htm and more detailed info here: http://www.bpdcentral.com/resources/basics/main.shtml I'm rather surprised that I didn't find any info on this site about this problem, being it seems to be rather common. [edit: I just searched again, and... found a bunch - I guess that I just never saw it while reading] And, yes, this type of person can ONLY get along with an extremely easy-going person such as myself, and the only way to deal with it is to push back, but many say that the only way to deal with it is to leave. There is no good way to treat this problem. But it explains a lot. And... if it can be proven, could be very good leverage for me to get custody via the legal system. FWIW - it doesn't appear that this type of person would leave voluntarily, even though they often threaten to leave. Why not ask the mental doctor about what you have shown us here? Show HIM the web sites and get more info from him, see if it CAN be used in your favor!
Author RuralProblems Posted October 7, 2006 Author Posted October 7, 2006 Yup - the shrink BETTER know about this, and the first thing I'm going to ask him is "why didn't you tell me this before?". I've told him enough about my wife that he should have been able to put the pieces together. But that may be why he told me to get the boys out of there 3 years ago. If he'd given me this info back then, I'd have been out of here by now. I really thought there was some hope for her. Not now.
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