Conjure Posted September 26, 2006 Posted September 26, 2006 Ok I have this girl I like her so much she claims to like me a lot too. She just got out of a REALLY bad relationship, and she is having a really hard time getting over it. We hang out nearly every day and do things together and get a long really well. I asked her to be with me once and she said she really doesn't want a relationship right now. So I left it alone then a few days ago she asked me and obviously I said OK. Now just yesterday she is crying in the car with my and says shes really not ready for a relationship right now. We still hang out every day, do things for each other, with each other. We do sexual things when not in the relationship either. I am not sure if I am in the friend zone or if she is scared of a relationship because of how her recent one went. She is not going with any other guys either she just wants to stay single.
typical Posted September 26, 2006 Posted September 26, 2006 She is scared. It is that simple. I am pretty sure I understand why, though, if your emphasis on her former relationship has anything to do with it: She just got out of a REALLY bad relationship I asked her to be with me once and she said she really doesn't want a relationship right now This is obviously a wise choice, she just isnt ready. Everything is still fresh and raw, and she wants time. She needs to heal, and she understands and knows this. Give her time, if you can afford to wait. Now just yesterday she is crying in the car with my and says shes really not ready for a relationship right now. She prematurely said "yes" thinking that she was ready. Everything came rushing back and she realized she still wasnt ready. I have no idea what made her feel strong enough to say "yes" at first...was it you, pushing her to say yes, or was it just after an exceptionally good time she had with you? Also, after reading that particular phrase, it struck me a bit odd, and I was wondering if perhaps her ex boyfriend is lurking around, still in the picture somehow, either calling or emailing, and making her feel less strong, or by acting a bit threatening. I am not sure if I am in the friend zone or if she is scared of a relationship because of how her recent one went I believe that she is most likely just scared of a relationship because of how the recent one went....the reason I think this is because of the following sentence: She is not going with any other guys either she just wants to stay single. It would be different if she were dating a couple of different guys right now, playing the field, living it up, hanging out with a different guy every other nite. But she is not. She is trying to heal, and while she is doing that, she is and has been: We hang out nearly every day and do things together and get a long really well. and: We still hang out every day, do things for each other, with each other. also: she claims to like me a lot too This girl just sounds like she is a little lost, hurt, upset, scared, and trying to get her life back in order. Dont push her, or it will backfire on you. Also, in the meantime, it is probably a wise choice to guard your heart, and dont become too swept away with romantic notions with her until she has her head on straight and knows what she wants, and knows for sure that it is you.
conjure Posted September 26, 2006 Posted September 26, 2006 She decided to be with me one night we were having a great time then the next morning she reaffirmed it, and stayed like that for a few days. Her ex contacts her a lot saying he has a new gf blah blah he still loves her all that stuff and it hurts her.
typical Posted September 26, 2006 Posted September 26, 2006 Her ex contacts her a lot saying he has a new gf blah blah he still loves her all that stuff and it hurts her. Yes, I am willing to wager that this has something to do with her confused nature, changing her mind from one minute to the next. Of course, you must know that he is subtly trying to control her, and manipulate her, even if he is not with her. Of course, you also must know that if she is feeling weak and indecisive, and she speaks with him, he can and will change her mind about any resentments she has against him, if he so chose, if he feels like it, he could. The reason I say this is because you mentioned that it was a "really bad relationship"...I dont know how bad, but you also said that he calls her still trying to make her feel like $hit....it is obvious he still has some sort of control over her. He is purposefully making her feel like she is losing out, or she is nothing without him, hence the crying and wishy washiness. Try to help her extricate herself from him, if she is worth it to you. Help her to heal and focus on something else, something healthier. Encourage her to break all contact with him, change her phone number, email, etc....slowly help her heal her heart and help her to see her worth...that is, if you want to. I am sure, if you really really really wanted to, you could make her fall in love with you...
Dinnj1 Posted September 27, 2006 Posted September 27, 2006 Walk... but leave in good graces... leave her a good memory. If you fight to stay or try and TALK her into toughin' in out... you'll just push her away... Shes not emotionally ready... which will bring ALOT of drama to the relationship... hence her crying. Respect her wishes of telling you she's not ready. When she's ready, she'll come back.
conjure Posted September 28, 2006 Posted September 28, 2006 I don't know how to walk....we have been hanging out literally every day for the past month and a half. She calls me every hour when I am not with her, and we have even had sex a lot....Yet...she says if I find an oppurtunity to take it....
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