Caught him cheating

[Shana555]

Well I made the mistake of taking back my ex, AGAIN. I got burned hardest this time.

We were together 5 years and we have been working things out and got back together a couple months ago. But the whole time he was acting strange and distant.

 

He had all the signs of cheating, but I refused to believe it because he always said how much he loved me and wanted to be with just me.

 

Last night I was fed up with him ignoring my calls for whatever reason it was that night (the list of excuses is endless), so I decided to make a surprise trip to his house. I used my key to quietly get in and found him in bed cuddling with another girl.

 

I was speechless. I don’t even remember my exact words. He sure didn’t say much at all though, but he did admit that yes he has been hiding this from me. Well obviously!!!

 

I didn’t yell, flip out, or anything. My friends say that was a good thing because it shows I have class, but I have sooo many things in my head I wish I said to him.

Oh, my pretty finger did spring up to him in the face at the door. So I guess I did make one statement.

 

When I left, he didn’t even try to stop me.

 

It’s almost 7am and I’m still awake in tears

[Fun2BMe]

So Sorry!!! Try to be positive. Think of it that this was the only way you were able to get out of the relationship. If all the signs of cheating were there yet you kept taking him back, you were hurting and hurting nonstop. Now that you got the visual evidence, even though that hurts the most, it will allow you to leave his sorry self for good.

 

I think the fact that he didn't make an effort to run after you and apologize makes it all the more harder, as if he is more interested in the other girl. I wonder if the other girl knew about you? Maybe she'll dump him too.

 

It must be especially hard after having spent so many years with him. At least you weren't married and no children are involved so you are free to move right along and not have to deal with him any more. Don't get too upset, think of it as there being another guy who is out there waiting for you to be with him so that he can be loyal to you.

[Ariadne]

Wow,

 

I decided to make a surprise trip to his house. I used my key to quietly get in and found him in bed cuddling with another girl.

 

Sorry. Hope you feel better soon. At least now you know the truth .

 

Ariadne

[LaughMachine]

Well now you know actions speak louder than words. eh

I'm sorry I hate being burned it burns

[LakesideDream]

Luckily you two were not married with childred. Sounds like it's time to move on with your life. Count your blessings and make a fresh start.

 

Good Luck!

[Ezydriver]

I found a load of texts on my ex's phone. They were from an old ex. there were loads of them but only got through about 6 or 7 before she saw me and snatched the phone off me and deleted everything, including hers that she sent to him. I never saw them. What I found were romantic in nature and referring to specific places they'd been. She said she hadn't met him since he'd been back in touch with her. She made an excuse for the texts I did see and question her on. Later that night I couldn't sleep so I thought if I looked at her call register that would show me something. It did, lots of calls. She told me they spoke only once since his recent contact with her. Eventually I broke down and said "I cant believe you've done this to me again" (she split up with me once last year, then chased me after 3 months). Her response was to just lie there and say "Yep............again.............."

The coldness and callousness of this was startling. After the way I loved her and encouraged her. listened to her, helped her, was committed to her, showed patience and understanding with her problems and issues and my extreme faithfullness I simply couldn't believe she was saying stuff like "yep....again....." and "Just go, this is over, just leave, I'll find another boyfriend and in two weeks we'll be laughing about this"

 

I was startled and extremely hurt. Anyway she chased me almost immediately saying she'd do anything to get me back and she felt like killing herself. this was just hours after I left. I went back after 2 weeks just to see how I'd feel with her. I found a letter to this guy that she'd started to write then screwed up. She didn't know I found it so I questioned her extensively giving her a chance to come clean. She went as far as to swear on her sons life that nothing was going on and she never even thought of writing to him. I presented the letter, made my excuse and left. I haven't seen or spoke to her since. I avoided all her texts and eventually had to change my number 2 weeks ago. it has been 7 or 8 weeks ago now since I last saw or spoke to her and I am having my first counselling appointment in a few hours. These things really screw you up.

 

I just wanted to share my story to show that actions do speak louder than words. I'd noticed she was hardly answering my calls and replying to texts etc.... I thought she was lying to me. There are far too many examples of the lies to type here. But they were from the tiniest to the whopping, even swearing on her own sons life.

 

Be careful because if they suddenly for no reason start showing a massive interest in you, but then sometimes blow cold at the same time this is often guilt. I was proposed to (in a text LOL) and in the last couple of weeks she was trying to get pregnant to me too. Which is F***ing scary.

[loveinlife]

I am so sorry for the both of you Shana555 and Ezydriver. You guys have gone through a lot things that I can't even imagine or experienced. I hope you guys are doing well coping with it.

 

I have a cousin myself who have been in two relationships in her lifetime, as she is only 24 years old, and have caught two of her exes cheating. Now my cousin is miss peagant and she is really pretty, sometimes I don't know what to say, but bad luck and fate. But the good thing is she is over them and on a better relationship.

 

Good luck all who are trying to cope this type of issue!

[Shana555]

I planned to write to you Ezydriver, but I’m so exhausted I’ll write to you tomorrow after I get some rest and can think straight

 

I am having a really hard time. I feel good at moments, and then start to feel sick and unhappy.

 

Last night I had a dream about him and when I woke up I was in tears. Nice start to the day! So of course all day I was thinking about him tearing up.

 

I even had classes all day, but it was so hard to sit and listen to lectures without my mind wandering.

 

On of my girl friends has been cheated on before and is totally furious about what he did to me.

She felt like playing a little prank to piss him off as a little revenge.

She set up her fax machine to dial his number.

When she told me she was doing this, it had already been calling him 3 hours and she still had it going...

I didn’t tell anyone to do anything like this, but it did finally make me smile and laugh the first time all week.

 

I wonder what he’s thinking right now. It’s so hard to get him out of my mind and I keep wondering if I’m in his

 

Well I hope I can sleep well and have happy dreams and wish the same for all of you reading this tonight

[Shana555]

Ok, I told my friends no more pranks!!! I had to idea they were doing that until after it was done.

 

He just texted me. First time hearing a word from him.

 

It said, Can I please call you?

 

What's up with our ex's?!

They go and put us through hell and then come back like nothing is wrong.

Not that he is trying to come back, i don't think. Only he knows what's in his mind

I'm not going to reply or answer if he calls.

 

Ezydriver, your story is scaring me!!!

It has only been a couple days. I hope he doesn't start saying crazy things like your ex did to you. My mother is worried he won't be able to stand being without me, especially if I ignore him, and he'll act crazy.

She says he took advantage of me because I was always the 'too nice girl' that happily did anything and everything for him. He thought he could get away with anything and I'd forgive him.

 

I hope for the strength to make it through this. I know people feel week at moments when they are hurt and missing, but I pray that I can stay strong.

 

I hope writing here and hearing from all of you will help me through this time.

[Ezydriver]

I know. It hurt like mad. however, I got HUGE satisfaction from ignoring virtually every text and call EVER until I changed my number. now I live in blissfull peace as she's probably going nuts trying to work out why I'm not responding to even the strongest and hurtful texts. I tell you why, because she's weak and insecure. Not me, I never cheated. She did and now shes paying the price. I've shown her that shes paying the price of a STRONG persons wrath. You must do the same. I cant describe to you how much quicker you'll be over it, and how good you feel about yourself if only you STAY STRONG. Change your number. At first you'll cry and cry like I did because you're severing one of the last links. This symbolic act provokes tears. however, you soon get over it as deep down you know you made the right choice. This jerk is laughing at you. You caught him cheating. Believe me, you show ULTIMATE strength by NOT replying and changing your number and you'll be over it twice as quick and leave him to deal with his crappy issues on his own. Hopefully he'll grow up then.

 

STAY STRONG!! I did and I'm feling better already.

[Shana555]

Ugh I got weak!!! I know you’re probably going to give up on helping me now lol

 

I woke up this morning from another dream about him and was feeling the lowest so far. I was alone in my cold apart with pouring rain out the window. Talk about a depressing wake up.

I replied to his message from yesterday that asked he if could call me. I asked, What for? Then told him to give ______ and _______ my best wishes and congrats tonight.

(His friends are getting married tonight and I was going as his date)

 

I know I should not have replied at all, but I screwed up. I am very disappointed in myself now. What do you think of that message? Be honest... I wonder what he's thinking

I am hoping the 'what for' would tell him we have nothing to talk about, but sending his friends 'my best wish and congrats' would remind him that I'm caring and thoughtful and that side no longer cares about him.

 

What did or do you do when if you get the urge to contact them back? I wish I would have gone and read this thread before clicking reply because it would have stopped me, but I just wasn’t thinking straight.

 

Don’t laugh, but I changed the profile on my phone to say Loveshack on the main screen as a reminder for next time.

 

Edited to add: I sent that message over 4 hours ago... He didn't reply, no suprise there!!!

I just got out of an exam. I'm in my last year of getting my bachelors degree. I feel like I did awful on the test because I couldn't concentrate. I don't want to let this loser affect me like this and screw up other parts of my life

[Ezydriver]

Of course you wont loose help. Dont think that. A support group is just that, support. We all realise how frightfully easy it is to give in. Its like giving in to quiting cigarettes or alcohol. Very very easy but ultimately leaves you feeling weak, ashamed, indignified, humiliated and sad.

 

With this in mind just remind yourself next time of how you feel AFTER you reply. You say he hasn't contacted you? My guess is is that he wanted to still see if he can get you to reply. This satisfies his ego and gives him a lift. Judging by his lack of urgency to reply to you, I would guess my observation is right. It may not be, but I think it is. He obviously has no idea of how this is affecting you.

 

Look at this quote, from you,.......

Well I made the mistake of taking back my ex, AGAIN. I got burned hardest this time.

Doesn't this tell you something? You said it yourself.

The best thing in the long run if you want this pain to go away is to let go. I know how hard that is, I really do. Once you actually start to let go you will be amazed how your pain starts to melt away. It turns into more of an ache, then an irritation, then an occasional itch and eventually and ultimately, nothing. Perhaps even joy at some of the fond memories. Learn from this. Thats what life is, a learning curve.

 

Also, editing your phone is an excellent idea. Do you know what is even better? Changing your number. Very very hard at first but essential for the speediest recovery, which, wont be quick, but a lot quicker.

 

Good luck, keep posting. I'm interested in your progress. I think you're strong and have the strength and ability to get through this. All you need is an inner strength and will power, a little forward logical thinking (I know that sounds cold, but its essential) to NOT return his contact.

[Amour77]

Forget about him, he is not worth it. He has betrayed you BIG TIME and the only thing you must feel about him is hate and anger. Do not ever get back in touch with him! I know how difficult it is, but don't let him ruin your life. I perfectly understand where you are coming from, but do not let him have the best of you. He is the level zero of mankind, believe me!

[Shana555]

Just an update

 

He texted once and called 3 times today. I ignored all of them. Said he just got my text from today because he left his phone in friend’s car yesterday morning. That he wish he got them when I sent them because I was really hoping to hear from me. His voicemail said he’s been trying to get a hold of me. But he doesn’t blame me for not wanting to talk to him. That he’s a scumbag. That he ruined this, but has things he really wants to tell me if I’ll let him. That I am not the girl, obviously I’m not the girl he should have ever done this to. That he should have kicked her out. Then said to please please call him

 

he should have thought about that before. he's not getting any replies or calls from me

 

I really hope he’s sees what a mistake he made and regrets it for the rest of his life. If only he could feel some of this pain and sadness I’m going through right now.