sunshine2627 Posted September 26, 2006 Posted September 26, 2006 I want to apologize in advance for such a long post. I am not sure what to do at this point. My friends have given me advice after advice but I am still confused or unsure about things. Here is my situation. Earlier in the year I ran into a guy that I used to date several years ago. We were obviously young so we are getting to know each other all over again. Well when we saw each other it was a friendly hi how are ya pass by. I was not sure if he recognized me and then I was also with friend at the time. A few days later I found him again on myspace. So I sent him a message. I was not expecting anything because he was married. I was not going to put myself in that situation. We talked off and on just as friends for a few months. In those few months that we talked he told me how unhappy he was and if it was not for his son he would have left her long before now. Then shortly after he told me his wife left him 3 weeks ago this was in May. When he told me she left I told him if he ever wanted to talk or just go out to get a hold of me. Again, I was not expecting anything except friendship. Well we went out and actually had a pretty good time. Since the first time we went out we have continued to talk. We started out as friends and then our relationship took a course of it's own. We have tried to slow things down but it seems like when we do it takes off again. I have been told going through a divorce is an emotional roller coaster and I believe it more than anything. Just when things are starting to look hopeful for us, she decides to tell him that she basically wants to come home. He told her that he does not trust her and that he is not in love with her. But they could remain friends in which they should for their sons sake but I do not agree with them spending time together. Am I wrong here? He told her that getting a dirvorce is the right thing to do and if they decide later down the road to work things out then they can give it another try. A part of me feels that they will not work things out then the other part of me thinks they will because he has a lot of guilt. He does not want to feel like he abandoned his family when actually she is the one who left. He tried several times to get her to come back home. We both agree things are not going the way she thought or planned and she wants to come back to what she knows and that would be her husband. I know he has mixed feelings about everything and I know with me in the picture only complicates things even more. Can someone explain to me how can two people try to work things out if one is not in love with the other and they do not trust them? If one or both truthfully and honestly want to work things out would they not try their hardest to work things out? Maybe suggest counseling? I know he is under a lot of pressure and stress. Most of his family and friends do not like her which makes it even harder for him. It is his decision whether or not he wants to work things out with her. I feel that him and I are not moving anywhere. He told me that he doesn't want to hurt me or her but someone is going to get hurt. She has lied to him just recently and the week that she had their son she decides to stay out all night. I really do not think she knows what she wants. She has not been honest to the guy she is seeing. She lied to him about her whereabouts and has not told him that she wants to work things out. He has been honest with me from day one so I know what is going on. Am I being naive? He knows that she will never be able to give him what he wants or needs. She even told him that. He thinks that she hates the fact that he is happy without her. With all that said and there is more to my situation can somebody please give me some advice. I would greatly appreciate it. These past few weeks have been stressful and it is starting to affect me more and more. I do not want to add anymore pressure to him but I have questions myself. She finally signed the divorce papers last night and she packed up some of her things. I guess that is a huge step for them both.
magichands Posted September 26, 2006 Posted September 26, 2006 These past few weeks have been stressful and it is starting to affect me more and more. Why, exactly, are you stressed? She finally signed the divorce papers last night and she packed up some of her things. Whose idea was the divorce? Where do you see things going from here?
mysunshine2627 Posted September 26, 2006 Posted September 26, 2006 I guess just the whole situation between him and I and him and his ex. Just when things are starting to look up and seem to moving forward she decides that she wants to come back. She wanted the divorce and asked that he file. He never wanted the divorce only because he didn't want his son coming from a broken family. He would rather be unhappy if that meant his son would have his parents together. I'm not sure where I see this going anymore. I was pretty confident that things were going to work out between him and I. Maybe they will and I am just feeling a litle insecure. We've talked about our feelings and both were postive.
whichwayisup Posted September 26, 2006 Posted September 26, 2006 But they could remain friends in which they should for their sons sake but I do not agree with them spending time together. Am I wrong here? Yes you are wrong. They have a child together, so a friendship between them is best for their son and a child of separation or divorce who has two loving parents who get along is good. He told her that getting a dirvorce is the right thing to do and if they decide later down the road to work things out then they can give it another try. Because of this, no matter what he feels for you, it may not be long term. IF he is even open to the idea of getting back with her, you may want to detach yourself from him abit. Be friends, but shield your heart. Does she know about you? Has he told her he's seeing someone or is that kept quiet?
Author sunshine2627 Posted September 26, 2006 Author Posted September 26, 2006 Yes she does know about me. Their son talks about me quite a bit. He even asked her if I could come over to play the night she dropped him off at her ex's house. I don't think he would go back to her only because he know's that she will do the same thing over again. He has told me and she has even told him that she can't give him what he wants or needs. I'm trying to be guarded of my heart but it's really hard.
Author sunshine2627 Posted September 26, 2006 Author Posted September 26, 2006 I will appreciate any advice and opinions that are given to me. I guess I am really looking to hear from someone who has been in a similar situation or can help me understand what it is like going through a divorce.
sapphire0903 Posted September 26, 2006 Posted September 26, 2006 Hey Sunshine, Well, I can tell you there is a bond in marriage regardless of who else is involved in their life. I think it is possible for someone to love two people at once, but it is also possible to renew a love that was thought was lost. I was dating a separated man for two years, when I met him he had been separated for a year. So total of 3 years they were separated. He was the one who decided to leave their marriage They have 2 children in college. Long story short, we are broke up now(trying to remain friends because of how much we mean to each other) he and his wife are trying to work things out. Advice? Stay out of their marriage issues, like myself, I did not belong, and really you are hearing one side of a two sided story. Let them work it out themselves, if it is meant to be, you two will be together. He is the only one who can decide what is best for him. Dont get involved in a messy situation. Children are involved, there will ALWAYS be a bond as well there should be. Hopefuly they will be at minimum civil to one another Good luck
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