Thieves1011 Posted September 26, 2006 Posted September 26, 2006 Ok, I need help. I'm a jealous, clingy, insecure mess. I already posted on here that my fiancee has been cooling off a little bit in the conversation area. She is working a lot of hours, partying a lot, and is trying to kill time before we spend the rest of our lives together. I have sent her a long e-mail basicly begging her to be more in contact with me. I told her I was afraid of losing her and we were drifting apart. I didn't hear from her in response to my e-mail, so I called her maybe 15 times until she answered. Then I almost burst into tears asking her to do something to make me feel better. I feel that my clingyness has pushed her away a little bit. I found out that she has some new friends (guys) and is hanging out a lot with her circle of friends, guy's and girls. I am going to spend 2 weeks with her in October and I want to turn this around. What should I do?
Rooster_DAR Posted September 26, 2006 Posted September 26, 2006 Might be too late already, but I would work deperately on fixing this issues of why you are like this. This is a BIG relationship killer. REgards,
Tony T Posted September 26, 2006 Posted September 26, 2006 Postpone your wedding if a date has already been set. It sounds like she may not yet be ready for marriage. Don't despair. It's much better that you find this out now than later. The fact that you had to call her 15 times shows she may be passive aggressive (Google that if you don't know what it means) and that's not a good sign for your relationship with her. She's just not showing a lot of good stuff that needs to be there for a lasting marriage. On the other hand, you may not be ready for marriage yourself. Until you gain more confidence and give others you care about the freedom to be what they will you may just need to be free and work on yourself. In any case, don't lose your cool over this. As hard as it may be, sit back and relax. The more you bug her the more she'll pull away. The more you act like you don't care, the faster and harder she'll come at you. I'm not sure that is great for a lifelong relationship but, then again, it's kind of human nature.
Tony T Posted September 26, 2006 Posted September 26, 2006 I just read your post of a day or so ago. Hey, your gal is 20 years old and she lives a long way from you. There is simply no way she's going to sit in her living room and wait for your call. You should be happy about that. It shows that she thinks a lot of herself. Unless you can go be with her in person real soon, just forget about it. You will drive yourself nuts. You aren't jealous, you're a control freak. You can't control other people right there in front of you, much less miles away. Be happy that she is partying and having a good time. A woman would be insane to wrap her whole world around a guy she's have a long distance relationship with.
Author Thieves1011 Posted September 26, 2006 Author Posted September 26, 2006 yeah! I guess I just need to relax. I need to just play it cool. I heard something great today. A friend of mine said. "if she doesn't want to be with you there is nothing you can do about it. If she does want to be with you, she could hang out with guy's, girls, whoever and stay true to you" he said that I am wasting energy. I hope it's not too late. I don't think it is. I just need to back off and let her take control of when we talk. I think one of the problems is I'm always available, no matter what. I think everything should be ok. I'm going to sit back and see how she handles our relationship. I want to see her actions and get a feel of the converstations. I think the worst thing I could do is question her further.
Author Thieves1011 Posted September 27, 2006 Author Posted September 27, 2006 So I sent this e-mail. Do you think I'm doing the right thing? Hi my love, What's up Bootylicious?? how the hell have you been? just wanted to tell you that I love you and miss you. You know what sweetheart? we have been stupid. Well not stupid but a little too much. We put way too much pressure on each other with the whole partying thing. Well, maybe I put too much pressure on you, oops!! We should have never made the promise not to drink, it was a bad idea. You want to know what I think. I think it's great! party as much as you want! with whoever you want. live life and have a great time, why the **** not? I don't want you to think that I'm worried about this. I had a lot of fun on the weekend, and I want to do it again. I can't believe how ****ing BORING!!!! I have become. I have had a horrible couple of months filled with no fun!! what the **** was I thinking?? I'm going out for a little while tonight. We're going to watch a band in Baltimore and maybe go to the Power Plant (it's a place with 8 different bars and clubs). It will be a lot of fun when you are in the States and we can go to this place together.
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